SUCCESS | CAREER | SELF-IMPROVEMENT | MENTAL HEALTH
The Dark Side of Success: Toxic Achievement and 3 Ways To Conquer It
A lesson learned in college led to never being good enough.
A little known, relatively unimportant detail about me, I attended military college. While there, I had some fantastic experiences. Some were, however, less than excellent.
I belonged to a boxing club and loved every minute of it. I got to punch people while working out. Sign me up!
Stop Celebrating Your Punches
I was working with our instructor one day, and I’d land a jab, then he immediately swiped my head on my right side.
Well, damn.
Again, I landed a jab, and he got me on the right side of my face. Finally, I stopped, tired of being hit in the head, and just told him I didn’t know how he was getting by to hit me.
He looked at me and said,
“You’re celebrating your punches. You land a right jab and leave your hand there instead of bringing it back to your face to protect yourself. You’re excited to have landed a punch, so you’re not ready to be hit back.”
Oh, shit. My instructor was right.
We did more slow-motion work, and I finally saw what I was doing. The lesson I took away that day has followed me for the last 15 years of my professional and personal life.
I fucking hate it.
You Should Be Proud of Yourself
Since my college days, I’ve fought my way through the corporate world, and went from earning $12 to now six figures. It was a lot of long days, learning, and doing the work no one else wanted to.
I had my head down and was ready for anything. In a male-dominated field, I was always prepared. I was like a goal trash-compactor. The minute I accomplished something, it was checked off my list and on to the next.
I never stopped to take a breath to feel a sense of pride in my work. Mistakes were not acceptable in my mind, and I beat myself up relentlessly over them. I’m not a perfectionist by any means.
You should see how disorganized my closet is. Well, let’s just take my word for it.
Instead, once I set a goal, I crush it, check it off my list, and pull my hand back, ready to protect myself from the next punch. After ten years, I finally picked my head up and looked around.
I had achieved considerable success, managed millions, made myself indispensable, and it all seemed so stupid. People kept telling me to be proud of myself and my first thought was always, for what?
The things I’d set out to do were accomplished and over. Why are we talking about them?
Death By A Thousand Facebook Posts
There is currently a debate surrounding social media’s effects on our mental health.
As I step back to analyze my career woes, I can pinpoint that my use of social media, Facebook, in particular, played a massive role in how I arrived in this place of successful melancholy.
The constant comparison to those that had more, better, were sexier, were thinner, were vacationing in exotic locations tore me down piece by piece.
Every time I looked up to take a breath, someone had just made partner in their law firm or had a baby, so my head went back down to plow through the next goal.
What’s The Big Deal?
The problem with this type of drive, this type of goal crushing, is that I never gave myself time to stop and turn around to feel a sense of accomplishment. This is the perfect recipe for becoming exhausted, lost, and hollow.
Stop Complaining, Roxy. Where From Here?
Valid point, my friend. It’s not helpful for us to identify this method of toxic achievement and not do anything about it.
We’re here to help each other get better, after all! Below are a few ways I intend to confront this sucky boxing match called my life.
#1: Gratitude
The power of gratitude is often forgotten. I’m not going to go all Oprah on you and tell you to keep a journal. However, we should take a minute once a week to be grateful for the things surrounding us.
Some examples would be our partner’s contribution to the household, your children’s smile, the fact that you had the mental toughness to push through a grueling week or that bomb-ass piece of chocolate cake you had at work for Susan’s birthday.
Find something, anything, to focus on and give it gratitude.
#2: Spend Time Like a $10 Bill
If I handed you a billion dollars and said to buy anything and everything you wanted, your list would most likely include some frivolous purchases.
A billion dollars, for most of us, seems endless. We can afford to install a bowling alley in our new mansion because there will always be more. The reality is, though, time is not like a billion dollars.
Time is a ten-dollar bill. It is finite, minuscule, and if that’s the only possession you truly have, it’s precious.
Decide where you spend this time and do it wisely. Put your phone down and immerse yourself in the moment with your children. Take the time to look into your dog’s eyes while petting him.
Connect with friends and understand that your time at work will always eat away at your ten dollars. That is fine. Unless you are independently wealthy, if you are, let’s be best friends, then we must work to survive.
Decide where to spend your ten dollars, and don’t miss the true joys in life as I have.
Celebrate Each Round
A boxing match is divided into twelve rounds. A better goal-setting strategy would be working hard, winning the round, and celebrating.
Feel accomplished with your victory over that round; when it’s time to go back in, play “Eye Of The Tiger”, and get back to work.
Maybe, if I repeatedly pause for a moment to celebrate each round, I won’t look up in another ten years to find my emotional trophy case as barren as it is today.
Conclusion: Put Your Damn Hand Down
The reality is that we cannot be on guard every second of our lives. I’ve met those people, and they act like chihuahuas.
These three strategies above will help us occasionally survey the land and feel proud of conquering all the difficult shit life, love, family, and careers like to throw at us.
The reality is that toxic achievement is just that.
Winning can be cancerous if you let it become cancerous. It consumes if you allow it. Set goals, crush them, feel pride in yourself, then get back to work.
Don’t be so consumed with the next blow coming your way that you forget how much ass you’ve kicked already.
Cue: “Eye Of The Tiger”
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