Summary

The article discusses the author's personal journey with meditation, revealing the unexpected challenges and growth that emerged from confronting repressed emotions.

Abstract

The author began meditating with the expectation of experiencing purely positive outcomes, such as reduced anxiety and improved focus, as commonly advertised. However, the reality of meditation proved to be more complex. Initially, the author found meditation to be a useful tool for confronting repressed emotions, leading to a heightened sense of well-being and vitality. But this period of positivity was followed by a resurgence of anxiety and negative emotions, which the author learned were repressed feelings surfacing to be acknowledged and integrated. The process was intense and often painful, lasting several months, but ultimately led to a newfound mental strength and a holistic acceptance of both the positive and negative aspects of the self. The author emphasizes that running from negativity is futile and that embracing and understanding one's darker emotions is crucial for personal growth and healing.

Opinions

Meditation is not solely a path to immediate peace and positivity; it can also bring to light difficult emotions that require attention.
Confronting and accepting one's negative emotions is essential for personal development and cannot be achieved by avoidance.
The journey through meditation can be frightening and uncomfortable, but it is a necessary process for genuine self-improvement.
Repressed emotions will inevitably resurface, and the longer they are ignored, the more intense their return may be.
Embracing negativity as a part of oneself, rather than rejecting it, leads to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
The author believes that the negative aspects of the self are a source of wisdom and potential growth, not merely obstacles to be overcome.

The Dark Side Of Meditations

Nobody talks about it

I started to meditate a year and a half ago.

I’ve read a lot about it before starting. Most of my assumptions were wrong. There’s no real explanation until you start the endless exploration of the mind.

All of the content claimed meditations are purely beneficial; I’ll feel better, my anxiety will vanish, I’ll focus better. Seems perfect, right?

It has a bit of truth in it, but in general, it’s taken out of context. You can’t get rid of your negative side by magic; without looking at it straight in the eyes.

After reading this article, you’ll realize that you don’t have to get rid of it at all. It helps you in your life as much as your positive side.

A Perfect Start

I was aware that I have repressed emotions and that I have to confront them.

Meditations were a perfect tool. But they were also — scary. Suddenly, you don’t run away from your anxious thoughts — you cooperate with them.

You literally take a bath of anxiety. It’s all over your body, but it doesn't seem so scary anymore. You’re getting used to that feeling, realizing that it’s not so evil.

To break the barrier, I used to work out straight after meditating. Otherwise, the raised anxiety would last for hours; in this way, it vanished. It was a win-win.

After 2 weeks of daily meditation, working out wasn’t necessary. I felt the anxiety without being afraid. I started to feel much better — claiming all the benefits everyone talks about.

My focus was amazing, I felt so alive. The reality seemed so strong, nature was more beautiful than ever. I was mostly focusing on different parts of my body then — so my feeling of the body became incredibly strong.

Every drop of water during the hot shower was so fulfilling, so powerful. I felt like I raised the intensity of my whole life. There wasn’t any negativity at all, just perfection.

“Those folks were right about it”.

And Then It All Started

I felt like there was only sunny weather in my mind; everything white, clean, and perfect, for almost 2 months. But suddenly, a small dark cloud slid slowly from the edge of my mind. It started to grow; its dark friends appeared too.

My levels of fulfillment were still there — but negativity started to appear as well. An anxious feeling was present in my body — producing the physical pain.

During the upcoming weeks, the dark side almost completely covered the light. I started to feel terrible. My anxiety was never so strong; so real. Incomparably stronger than it was before.

I sometimes felt pain in my body for 10 hours straight. Sitting still was the worst for me — anxious thoughts were creating an unbelievable amount of unease.

I was reading a lot of articles and books about that topic at the time. I knew I had to realize what I know now:

My repressed emotions were coming to the surface.

It was like hell at some point. I remember writing my journal one evening — I literally decided to write about one of the most repressed topics in my life. Every word I wrote had such a huge weight; the pain was so intense; thunders were striking all over my mind.

But I came to the point that I like it. I realized I had to look it straight in the eyes. It counts the most in situations like this.

After the Battle

The battle lasted for 3 months. At some points I was desperate, but I knew I just have to continue. Surrender is not an option.

And so, it slowly started to vanish. Again, I felt like I’m in control of my mind and body. The sun was shining.

Life felt extremely fulfilling and strong — but it’s wasn’t a bursting bubble like before.

Meditations take you deep inside your mind; you can’t know what’s inside.

Everything you’ll experience is perfectly normal; your repressed emotions are just looking at you straight in the eyes. It’s fine. After some time, you realize they’re not so harsh.

Without my negative part, I would never be able to become so mentally strong. How could I; where would I find my battles? I wouldn’t have any opportunity for them.

Running away from negativity is running from our self. We live as a whole. The negative part is not rejectable; the more you try to do so, the scarier it will be.

You can repress thoughts and emotions; you can be successful with it for months and years. But I guarantee you — the longer you do so, the stronger they will return — and the bigger your fear will be. They will crush you, especially if they catch you unprepared.

My Biggest Lesson

Instead of running away from negativity— I now seek for it. I believe it’s a wonderful part of me; full of wisdom and potential growth.

That negativity was slowly created by unconscious actions during my lifetime; it exists for a reason. I want to explore the reason. If I don’t, I’ll continue to hurt myself.

Sometimes it still looks scary, but I know it’s the right way. There’s no better feeling when you bring light to the dark. You learn a lot about yourself in that process — and feel more whole after it’s done.

Pick one of your anxious emotions. Smile at it, enjoy the journey. Tackle it with everything you have.