Summary

The article emphasizes the risks of showing compassion to individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), as it can be exploited by them, create a false sense of hope for change, and ultimately, lead to further abuse without any genuine transformation in their behavior.

Abstract

The text discusses "The Dangers Of Having Compassion For A Narcissist," highlighting how compassion can be misconstrued as weakness and manipulated by narcissists for their gain. It underscores that narcissists, despite their capacity for kindness, often choose to exploit others due to their own insecurities. The article warns that compassion towards a narcissist can lead to a cycle of abuse and false hope for change, especially if the narcissist is enabled by their environment. It suggests that genuine change for a narcissist is unlikely without intensive therapy and a personal commitment to alter their behavior, which is a choice they must make for themselves. The author advocates for self-protection and cautions against the misuse of compassion in such relationships.

Opinions

Compassion towards a narcissist can lead to exploitation and abuse, as narcissists view empathy as a weakness.
Narcissists are capable of temporary changes in behavior to manipulate situations to their advantage, but this does not signify genuine change.
Showing compassion to narcissists can give victims a false sense of hope that the narcissist will change, which often leads to prolonged exposure to abuse.
Narcissists are aware of their actions and the impact they have on others but may lack the motivation or desire to change, especially if they are enabled by those around them.
The author believes that narcissists must take personal responsibility for their actions and seek intensive therapy if they are to change, which is a rare occurrence.
Victims of narcissistic abuse should prioritize their own healing journey and be cautious about extending compassion to their abusers, as it can be used as a tool for further manipulation.

The Dangers Of Having Compassion For A Narcissist

It can give you a false sense of hope that they will change

Growing up I showed compassion and kindness to everyone that I met. Some of this stemmed from a belief that seems to be universal.

Everyone has some good in them.

Now, I certainly believe that we need to have compassion for other people and that most people do have good in them.

However, compassion in the hands of someone who actually has narcissistic personality disorder is extremely dangerous especially when abuse is part of the relationship.

My tendency to believe the best in people and constantly show them empathy and compassion was a trait that was never used against me until I encountered several individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Here is why it can be extremely dangerous to tell victims of narcissistic abuse that they should have compassion.

They can use your compassion against you

Normally when someone is struggling you can have empathy towards their situation and possibly take action and help them.

This is a tactic that isn’t going to work with a narcissist. The reason being that narcissists see empathy as a weakness and something that can be exploited for their own gain.

When you are lending them a hand to pull them out of the water they are drowning in, they aren’t going to accept your help with gratitude and a desire to reciprocate.

Instead, they are going to find a way to pull you in with them, and once they’ve gotten what they want they will end up leaving you in the water by yourself, drowning.

It can give you a false sense of hope that they will change

Hope is one of the strongest emotions.

It keeps us in situations long after we should have walked away. It whispers in our ear and promises that tomorrow will be a better day and that things will change.

For a long time, I showed compassion towards a family member of mine that has NPD. One day he would treat me with kindness and admiration. The next day he would tell me I was going to end up alone and die and that I was nothing.

Then, when I went no contact he would call me crying and promising that he would change.

It got to a point where I had to walk away. I don’t believe that he will change anymore because he is enabled by other members of our family and has no reason to change. He knows that he can get what he wants from everyone else.

They know better

You can go and read accounts by individuals who are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and they will tell you first hand that they know exactly what they are doing.

Because their actions usually stem from insecurity they can make themselves feel better by putting others down and being cruel.

The reality is that they are choosing not to take control of their lives. They are choosing to play the victim and to take the easy path out.

When a narcissist is about to lose their supply they will often be nice again and change their behavior temporarily. The fact that they are able to be nice for a certain amount of time to get what they want shows that they are capable of being kind… they simply choose not to.

It’s up to the victim if they want to show compassion

Unless they are willing to work on themselves while doing intensive therapy for the rest of their lives, a narcissist is never going to be able to permanently change their behaviors.

It doesn’t matter if you show them love, empathy, and compassion… it won’t make them care. You are not responsible for someone else’s emotions. You are not responsible for someone’s upbringing.

Most of us have had difficult lives and we don’t choose to use that as an excuse to hurt everyone else

But… I’ll tell you this much. I have compassion and love for so many people in my life. There are so many amazing people who treat me with equal respect and love.

Someone who manipulates, devalues, abuses, and refuses to change doesn’t get any of my compassion because they are making their choices.

You get to choose how you want to navigate your healing journey but be careful.

Compassion in the wrong hands can be easily used as a tool for manipulation.