The Cunning Voice of a True Critic Always Helps Us To Grow
If you have one such critic then you are blessed
About two years or so ago, a mail popped up on my mobile with a “cling” sound. Oh gosh, again a junk mail, it could be — with no curiosity, I opened the mail.
The mail reads: “Hi Hari, this is a confirmation of our upcoming interview meeting. Looking forward to seeing you”.
It was like a dream come true in my dream. Yes, my first abroad interview invitation from a German company.
Teeth glowing like thirty-two mini-led white bulbs in my mouth and Tejas-filled eyes were being the evidence of my happiness at that moment.
Can I pull this off? Yes, you can, said my inner self with a little hesitation.
I think I have not followed any of Einstein’s words, but this quote “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere” suits my mindset at the time.
Frankly, my imagination crossed borders. I traveled to The Brandenburg Gate, The Rebuilt Reichstag, places in Germany through my mind’s eye. Thanks to all the tourist sites.
But after three levels of the interview and a waiting period of one month, I felt all my imaginations slowly turning to despair.
That’s when I heard my inner voice uttering “better luck next time”; a positive gesture by my inner self to boost me up.
But a minute later, there came another voice.
The unwelcome voice
There came a second voice: a bolder one.
It said, “I know you can’t, I know it…”.
During those days, I was addicted to watching YouTube gurus teaching positivity. After watching hundreds of such positive vibe videos, I firmly believed positivity means just being positive and avoid negative.
So I uttered myself, “I can but next time and I am sure about it”.
Apparently, being positive helped me to come out of the melancholy caused by that time.
I know you can’t, I know it… the voice continued
“Your plans for the interview sucks, so I knew you will not and I know you can’t in the future too” it continued.
This was not the first time I hear this voice. I am hearing this unwelcome opinion every day, till now.
“I think your brain is filled with mud,” says the voice, when I do anything stupid. Whenever I do things slowly, it is predictable to hear “Hurry up. Don’t be like a snail”.
With anger over the nose, I was just getting away from that voice whenever I hear it.
Hit the nail on the head
Days turned into months, and then to a year.
Meanwhile, I attended interviews with companies from German, Sweden, and Mauritius but the results were the same. Yes, not crossed the second level.
Those were the days when my confidence level reached rock bottom — the “don’t know what is next” moments those were.
That's when I again heard the critical voice saying “It was obvious that you can’t succeed in any interviews because your focus was on several things at once.”
Yes that’s true, I applied for many jobs in one month and when all the interviews were scheduled together, I felt overwhelmed. Thus, my focus and energy were given out to more interviews at the same time rather than to one.
I felt like the voice hit the nail on the head. Right then, I realized how my tunnel vision led me in the wrong direction.
I would say it was Time that taught me
Ignoring criticism and just keep moving will never make me grow.
True criticism is the birthplace of improvement
Life is a series of mistakes that we make, those mistakes are the helping hands that lift us in the future.
But the problem is that many of us fail to realize our mistakes.
When we fail to realize our mistakes obviously we will fail to correct them and we fall into the trap of repeating those mistakes.
In such situations criticism play an important role in pointing out our mistakes. Celestine Chua beautifully said about criticism in Personal Excellence as
Criticism lets you know your blind spots so that you can work on them. The more blind spots you uncover about yourself, the faster you grow.
Criticism needs to be validated and embraced if it is true. If you embrace true criticism, then you can improve yourself by correcting your mistakes. And, when your improvements are consistent then your growth becomes inevitable.
According to a study of over 3,000 people conducted by PsychTests, people who handle criticism in a better way(by accepting the feedback and striving to use it to improve themselves) are more likely to perform well at work, have higher self-esteem, and achieve good grades in school.
Therefore instead of ignoring the criticism just like that, validate it first and then handle it in the best possible way.
Intention matters
All criticisms are not bad. We are the ones generalizing it as a negative altogether. Instead, we should foster the habit of differentiating true criticism and an unhealthy one.
An American writer, William Gilmore Simms well said about true criticism.
Neither praise nor blame is the object of true criticism. Justly to discriminate, firmly to establish, wisely to prescribe and honestly to award — these are the true aims and duties of criticism
True critics are those who are genuinely interested in your growth. They need only the best from you.
A teacher who gets angry at you when you scored low grades may criticize you with the hard words because she wants you to score more next time.
The boss who feels your performance is not up to the mark may criticize you before your teammates, solely to make you perform well next time.
So, the intention matters, not the words.
Find one and be one
To find a true critic you should be an open-minded person who willing to explore the critic and their voice.
Try to find the intention of the person who criticizes you. Ask yourself simple yes/no questions.
Is the person who criticizes me is someone who cares about me? Yes/No
Is she genuinely interested in my growth? Yes/No
Does he want me to do the best at everything? Yes/No
Is there a lesson to be learned? Yes/No
Is there a gap in my knowledge or skills that I could work on? Yes/No
These questions will kindle your self-awareness and helps to differentiate true criticism from biased one.
Having all these in mind will help you to find a true critic. If you find a true critic then you are blessed. Plus, if you are one such critic then the rest around you are blessed too.
If you’ve been blessed, be a blessing.
- Bill Campbell
I found my true critic
I started hearing the critical voice after an occasion on June 4th, 2018.
It was a wonderful occasion with all my family, friends, and relatives dropping showers of blessings on me. With joy surrounded me, I can feel that the happiness of my parents’ welcoming a new member of my family.
A new member?
Yes, with a heart filled with hopes, dreams, happiness, and blessings, I was married to a South Indian girl.
A soft-spoken girl, she was. Yes, she was. At that time, I was not aware that she was going to be a critical voice for me.
Yes, my wife is my true critic — the voice of truth.
I love my true critic and embrace her criticisms because I strongly believe the quote by Djuna Barnes that “To love without criticism is to be betrayed”.
I am blessed. Are you?
Takeaway
- Criticism is the best way to see where we’ve gone wrong so that we can correct it.
- If we embrace true criticism then improvements will be the by-product.
- When people criticize you try to find their intent instead of being offended by their words.
- Find your true critics and be a true critic to the peoples around you.