The Cumulative Effect of Constant Misplaced Embarrassment, Humiliation, and Shame on the Human

Psalm 118:22 “The stone that the builders refused will be the cornerstone.”

My pearl of great cost, rejected.

Every now and then, the human race does something really stupid. Often, it involves me.

People are idiots. This is no surprise. However, I was unaware of how stupid people actually are. 25 years ago, I gave humanity a choice: either I was useful, believable and talented, or I was an embarrassment, a pathetic fool, a quirky out-of-touch dweeb. The choice was humanity’s.

They were given truthful information. It was well-presented. I was well organized. I was sure and confident in my presentations. The only thing that determined whether I was a success or failure was the perception of the soundness of my argument which was in violation of cultural norms.

Whether people would judge me worthy or unworthy was based on their own personal reflection. What they were judging was a unique trait which violated the cultural norms. In effect, they were judging any individual person’s uniqueness, a pearl of great price, against a background of a culture which would reject that pearl if presented to a group.

I was hoping that individuals would be more open and accepting of another individual. I was wrong. Each person still behaved as if their opinion would be judged by “the group” at large. A group which each individual thought was less accepting than themselves.

I see now that we will stubbornly hold onto archaic beliefs, blinding ourselves to miraculous breakthroughs to defend a dying culture that has outlived its use. The ability of the human brain to deny what is in front of its face is exceptional.

What each individual’s decision would be based on equated to being nothing more than their perception of their own acceptability.

Their acceptance of themselves as unique individuals. I learned that individual people, at least Americans, when all else is neutral, will put themselves and each other down instead of lifting each other up. My discovery, my pearl of great price, was mocked and thrown in the trash.

That day was 25 years ago. Humanity reaffirmed to me today that we are not worthy of life because we believe ourselves not worthy of life. Our negative opinions of ourselves and others outweighs any positive self-image we may project. Our desire to be critical, our deep seeded insecurity we project outwards onto others, defending cultural norms against advancement.

I had unknowingly duped artistic, free-spirit types essentially into accepting fascism, a harsh, critical judgement against any individual in favor of their perceived perception of a “group.”

Because they reject the outcome, they surmised that they must reject some part of the process which led to that conclusion. Unable to find where, they still reject the conclusion with no sound reason for doing so.

The human race doesn’t deserve to live because we believe we don’t deserve to live.

With this crippling self-doubt reinforced by a cruel outside world, we will be monsters to each other. I concluded that we will take good people and ruin them. We will make bad people even worse. We will damage innocent souls born to us. The human race is a blight on life, working against our own betterment.

We have judged ourselves and found ourselves unworthy.

In doing so, we have sealed our fate. We deserve to go extinct. We are highly flawed and cannot ever achieve humanity’s potential.

One possibility that makes this diagnosis of our attitude wrong is where I fit into the equation. Perhaps, it is I who should be embarrassed to be alive, according to your constant reinforcement. This has been true since my birth.

Humanity was embarrassed for me since I was unwanted and unloved. The underlying subconscious attitude that has surrounded me my whole life is one of embarrassment when I was seen.

Every time I was seen, noticed, was to be a moment of shame because I shouldn’t be alive in the first place. Humanity carries a profound sense of shame surrounding my birth. A shame they have tried repeatedly to project onto me, as if I should own it.

No matter the circumstances. Whether it was winning an award or giving an outstanding presentation did not matter.

Any public moment was, for me, instilled with a sense of shame at being alive.

This was not internal. I did not realize this until very recently.

Upon reflecting on my life, and the reasons for my successes or failures, the confounding factor is always external. It is this judgement of me that was assigned at birth.

Being an unwanted child, all moments of glory would be against a backdrop of embarrassment and shame.

My most recent rejection was utterly profound. People have a way of circumventing what they don’t want to hear, making sure it goes unheard. We are self-censoring based on our biases.

We will reject knowledge that we value if we set up the environment just so. When framed in just the right way, we can make sure we don’t allow those with knowledge to impart that knowledge to others.

Judging my knowledge of psychology and philosophy based on a 30-second soundbite filtered and tailored for someone in a perceived position of power with less understanding was a foolish move. They didn’t understand that there are those with more understanding than themselves. The human ego knows no bounds.

It was as if I was presenting fire to a stone age humanity that couldn’t see its benefit.

These are not entirely the words of a wounded ego here. I am aware of the value of what you toss away. As I said, I already made miraculous breakthroughs. I’ve already had confirmation. Not from any living human being, but that is irrelevant.

I have validation that they are rejecting truth. I reject their rejection.

This experience expanded on the idea that we all have very little control, if any, over the course of our lives. The American idea of individual responsibility is so completely absurd. Its fallacy should be easy to see, in my opinion, by everyone.

Now, I know that my failure was assured. Now I know there was nothing I could do. It would never matter how brilliant and gifted I was. I was unwanted. That would hang over me my whole life. Any gifts I have are curses since I can’t put them to use. This is my fate.

I am to be a failure at life because I was born.

How can I have such an outrageous knowing as this? I was rejected for a new and emerging field of study in which I have already made miraculous breakthroughs beyond where this fledgling field is today. Imagine Michael Jordan being rejected by professional basketball.

Imagine Copernicus and Galileo being rejected as physicists. Never mind, they were rejected as physicists. Humanity, in its infinite wisdom, is doing it again.

Humanity’s idiocy is easy to see for those of us who are called ahead of our time. No one is ever ahead of their time. That’s a logical fallacy. There is only the ignorant judgement of a stupid human species discarding those who make breakthroughs based upon all available knowledge. People rejected by culturally enforced ignorance, because their sound science cannot be rejected.

Research scientists are just as guilty of cultural biases as anyone. Perhaps even more so because they reject the very idea that they could be guilty of cultural bias.

I know you don’t want to see the depth of your sickness, but this is it. This is how sick the human race is. This is what I have observed through 50 years of life. The idea that I was not welcome, rejected at birth has had a profound impact on my life.

I am just a little less believable than someone else who says the same thing as me. I am a little less respected when doing equal work. I am just a little more scrutinized, a little more criticized, and always, just a little less qualified, all other things being equal after discarding what you don’t want to see, deeming actual contributions irrelevant or inapplicable.

We do somersaults around the truth with our eyes closed with the aim of arriving at our predetermined conclusions.

I wondered for years what was inherently wrong with me for humanity to treat me this way. Humanity, of course, did not know what it was doing. We don’t like to think in terms of consequences or bigger pictures. I had to watch and observe closely thousands, tens of thousands of interactions until this idea hit home. I knew it was right, too.

The unloved and unwanted could be geniuses, but it would never matter to a humanity who feels a deep sense of shame and embarrassment that we exist in the first place. Everything we ever do is overshadowed by the circumstances of our birth.

The human race suffers because of it.

This is my solace. Knowing that I could make the world a better place, knowing that I possess the talent and knowledge to achieve so much to help the human race achieve new heights. Knowing that, although I am brilliant and should be proud, I will always be rejected, passed over. I will take rejected wisdom, my pearl of great price, to the grave with me since the human race is still, 50 years later, reeling from the embarrassment of my birth.

No one ever claimed that depth psychology and our ability to process deep subconscious trauma was our strong suit.

This knowledge has released me from responsibility. It has steadied and squelched my ambition and my drive. Why push myself if failure is my only option?

Now, I know. I’ll stop beating myself up, trying to be heard above the retarded shouting ignorant masses of loved morons demanding attention.

This is a world for idiots. I have no place here. I need to comfort myself with that.

I am not the first, and I certainly won’t be the last.

Well, maybe I will. The dumbfounded human race is teetering on the edge of extinction, and doing nothing to save their stunted, underdeveloped selves. Blindly skipping off into oblivion.

I will take the Keys to the Kingdom, my pearl of great price, with me. You never wanted it anyway. On the verge of reestablishing Paradise on Earth, humanity stumbled and fell into a well deserved annihilation.

I will not be surprised. I will not share in your incredulous looks of surprise when you finally hear the news of our imminent demise. I will have been expecting it for years, sitting watching, waiting for that penny to drop. I may even scoff openly when you wonder why I don’t participate in the drama and agony when it arrives.

The human race never paid much attention to its surroundings anyways. I am destined to notice that again.

Whether it is done with intention or not, humanity has judged itself unworthy of life, and I agree. This will become more obvious to you as the time gets closer.

Then, I may just pull out this paper right here to show you that, 15–20 years prior, I knew.

15–20 years before the “shocking, horrific” unexpected event, I already knew.

Then, maybe, you will see with new eyes my pearl of great price as the universe throws away the human race. A people who disregarded and disrespected me my whole life, for no reason other than embarrassment at my birth. They did a shitty job of making sure I never noticed. I will not feel sorry for you, I was never really part of the human race to begin with.