The Courage To Be Mediocre
You don’t need to be exceptional.
Do you ever feel the need to be extraordinary to deserve a place on the Earth? Or do you ever feel shame at your so-called mediocre? If you do, this article is for you.
It is undeniable that the explosion of social media brings more benefits to humankind than any other time in history. I have to admit that it’s really fun to surf Facebook and Tiktok. That’s why I do it every day. Unfortunately, there’s always a “BUT” in everything, even something brilliant like social media…
The need to be exceptional
Every day we are flooded with the “extraordinary” from the Internet: the best of…, the greatest…of, the most amazing…of, or the pictures of our friends traveling around the world, getting promotions, celebrating the three-year anniversary with their beautiful wives/ girlfriends at a fancy restaurant, which inject us the idea of being “exceptional”, “extraordinary”, “special”, not just at one thing, but even in all facets of life. And the idea of “mundane” becomes something so-called “mediocre”, “average”… which sound so boring, like a failure.
You may find this story familiar. In childhood, the parents needed us to be special — because of intelligence, manners as a daughter/son, looks, or popularity. They had hopes and dreams for us even before we were born. When we reached the age to go to school, the teachers expected us to excel at their subjects. When we grew up, society expected us to become successful, to become “Man of The Year” or the image of “THAT GIRL” that every girl wants to be. Growing up with all these expectations, we develop a perception: “I need to be extraordinary, I need to be exceptional, I need to achieve…in order to have a good life, to attain happiness”.
We tend to suppress our own tastes, our true desires, and importantly, our true self; therefore, we COULD NOT JUST BE. We associate people having ordinary life with being L-O-S-E-R-S. We believe that a quiet life is something that only a failed person would choose because they have no other options. Accordingly, when we don’t (or not yet) achieve something extraordinary or we discover our deepest desire is to live in a quiet place, having a normal, stress-free life of an average person, we then perceive ourselves as losers and start to question: “What is wrong with me?”.
Don’t let society’s expectations confuse you
Let me stop you for a second. Have you ever wondered what people think is “wrong” could be something normal and what society perceives as “normal” could be signs of agony or mental illness? Those with straight-A, high — paid jobs, performing on stage, and putting up skyscrapers may, in fact, be the unwell ones. Whereas, the ones without agony, can bear the good enough ordinary life, may in fact be the masters in the art of living, be the emotional superstars who crush the fear of failing to meet others’ expectations, be the heroes who dare to embrace mediocrity.
You don’t need it — Hedonic treadmill
Last year, I wrote my master thesis about happiness. I encountered the term “hedonic treadmill” — referring to the human tendency to pursue one pleasure after another. Let me tell you this example of me starting a Youtube channel. Like any other new creator, I couldn’t help but have cravings for views and likes despite all the advice I heard from the experienced creators that I should not. I still worked hard, uploaded videos consistently then one of my videos took off. I reached my first 1000 views. Honestly, it felt awesome. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long as you imagined and it wasn’t as intense as you fantasized, either. After the threshold of 10 000 views, I felt almost nothing. I believe most of us have gone through this cycle. For you, it could be getting a promotion at work, moving into a nicer house, or gaining your first 1000 followers on Medium.
I don’t mean you should be lazy and not strive for a better life. What I truly mean is trying to become exceptional, trying to achieve things after things just to “boost happiness”, just to feel a little bit better about yourself is like forever chasing the rainbow. Ultimately, you’d never feel enough.
I once read the book “Keep going — 10 ways to stay creative in good times and bad” by Austin Kleon. There are two quotes from the book that never left me:
“I don’t want to know how a thirty-year-old became rich and famous; I want to hear how an eighty-year-old spent her life in obscurity, kept making art, and lived a happy life. I want to know how Bill Cunningham jumped on his bicycle every day and rode around New York taking photos in his eighties. I want to know how Joan Rivers was able to tell jokes up until the very end. I want to know how in his nineties, Pablo Casals still got up every morning and practiced his cello.”
“Worry less about getting things done. Worry more about things worth doing. Worry less about being a great artist. Worry more about being a good human being who makes art. Worry less about making a mark. Worry more about leaving things better than you found them.”
Just be! You are already exceptional
Embracing mediocrity and keep doing the things that you love out of curiosity, fun, and excitement; NOT because of the fancy concept of “exceptionalism” or “perfectionism”. You don’t need to become exceptional, because you already are when you stay true to yourself.
Once you are beyond others’ expectations, you may realize that at the end of the day, your life’s treasure is no more or less than simplicity: quiet, mundane, lying on your partner’s lap in your pajamas, creating art without an audience, hot shower, matcha tea, fresh fruits, some nuts and maybe a little bit of strawberry ice cream.
I’d like to end this article with a quote from the father of mindfulness, the monk– Thich Nhat Hanh:
“All the elements for your happiness are already here. There is no need to run, strive, search, or struggle. Just Be.”
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