The Conundrum Of Fantasy

Reality is fantasy looked through the glasses of perception.

I learned this lesson in my early thirties, and it changed my life.

I remember two instances that vividly revolve around my life’s highest values- helping people and self-empowerment. I fantasized about working and supporting a global audience but never got the opportunity. So, I always ended up working and living in the same city. The dissatisfaction always made its way into conversations. To change my circumstances, I started writing and collaborating with other writers on the international platform. However, that didn’t satisfy me, and the effort felt “local”. Eventually, an international organization reached out to me, and I started volunteering with them. I thoroughly enjoyed the work, but because it wasnt a paying job, I continued exploring global careers with an underlying discontent.

One evening I started writing my gratitude journal, which read like this:

I am grateful to collaborate with someone from a different country.

I am thankful for the chance to help a wider audience.

I am thankful for their appreciation and questions.

By the time I finished the entries, my eyes start to well. At that moment, I realized that my fantasy had become a reality a few weeks ago. I was doing what I wanted to. The only difference was that instead of a traditional paid job, it was an unpaid volunteering opportunity. I had to recognise that the essential part was the outcome and not the means. This realization opened my heart.

Power of gratitude.

I was in love with a fantastic person. Some labelled our relationship as “goals”. With fleeting time, my partner got busier with his life and ambition. He loved me but did not focus on me, and that made me feel like a shadow. I became resentful and lonely. I tried to fill the void in my life by taking up immersing myself in art and writing. These activities worked well for few months, but now and then, the rain of misery would drench my heart.

I began fantasizing about starting afresh in a different city surrounded by a new group of people. Fantasy is a trickster. It keeps us in perpetual elation by showing us only the positives of our “assumed” life. I was sure that I did not want to move away from him but instead fill the void his preoccupation had left in our relationship.

I didn’t need affection; I needed to be heard.

One day, I reconnected with an old friend. We exchanged stories, tragedies, and everything that is life. Our conversations transported me to other cities, and her companionship filled my life with new energy. Everything I fantasized about my life already existed in this one person.

Power of perception.