The Contrarian Truths You Need To Know About Comparing Yourself To Others

Equality is a façade and we are the sheep

No, we aren’t created equal. We are ‘different’. But not in the way mainstreamers sugarcoat it to be. One can absolutely be better than the other.

On my recent trips, I found myself more in my head and less present in the actual moment. The reason?

I was uber-conscious about everyone around me and myself. Looks, Money, Social Skills, Lifestyle — every damn thing got to me. I kept constantly comparing myself to others.

This leads to 2 ends. One of arrogance and entitlement. And the other of self-deprecation and anxiety. Both of which are miserable ways to live.

Yes, there are people out there more competent and empathetic than you. And there are people who are worse than you as well. You can always find someone to compare yourself to.

Then how does one deal with finding a stable and healthy mindset?

These are the contrarian truths that I boiled down to.

The Trip to Upside Down

The realities that people project outward aren’t real.

Especially in a world where perceptions are dominated by social media.

Social media has done more to harm mental health and sanity than we can fully comprehend. And this hasn’t been intentional. It’s just how social media algorithms work.

The best posts of the best profiles tend to rise to the top, filling your feed with the elite, real or illusory.

Our psychology is based on relative happiness. We’d much rather feel happier if we are earning 100$ and everyone else is earning 90$, than when we are earning 1000$ and everyone else is making 2000$. This is grounded in empirical research.

Add social media algorithms into the mix, and no wonder one feels so bad and lacking self-value.

Realise this reality. The awareness won’t be groundbreaking but it shall nudge you back from the darkest, most unproductive thought-spirals.

Different Yet The Same

We’ve all heard the cliché: ‘Everyone is unique in their own way.’ The reality is slightly different and yet the same.

Chances are most of us are alike and not ‘unique’ per se. On a long enough timeline, our destinies might look similar.

What is unique, however, is our current position on our journey. The circumstances we come from plus our current challenges plus the direction we’ve chosen: nobody else shares that exact combination of factors in this particular moment.

And that’s a freeing thought.

Your starting point does not determine your potential.

Sure, some people get a head start. But that doesn’t make you inherently different (worse) than them. It’s just the current position that is different.

The Only Dichotomy You’ll Ever Need

With fake realities and different positions being the baseline for our society. The only meaningful decision that you will ever need to make is what is in your control?

Stoicism has generally gained popularity in times of adversity. For a strong reason: it subtracts what doesn’t matter and is grounded in realistic pragmatism.

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…” — Epictetus

When overwhelmed with comparing yourself to others, realise this. Figure out what is actually in your control and what isn’t.

For that holds the key to removing emotions from the picture and giving you a roadmap to progress.

The Axiomatic Irony That Governs Us All

This is the puzzle that perplexes the best of us. The key to getting anything in life is non-neediness.

… Well, genius, how does one get what one needs, without being needy about it?

The answer lies in working towards excellence, for the raw quality of it, and not for the fruits that are derived therein.

“You have the right to work, but for the work’s sake only. You have no right to the fruits of work. The desire for the fruits of work must never be your motive in working.”

— Bhagavad Gita

Realise that being outcome-dependent just means shooting yourself in the foot. When you see yourself ahead of others, you risk getting overconfident and complacent. If you’re falling behind, you self-deprecate and lose your self-belief.

Stop obsessing about results. When in doubt, focus on the next leap forward.

The Ephemeral Dent in Space-Time Infinity

This present moment in time, this very second as you read these words, is all that matters. Truly.

Neither your past nor your gleaming future matter. The only thing under your direct authority is what you do right now.

So make a shining dent in this reality, without being bogged down by the realities exposed by others, and before you know it, you’ll be the one smiling down the alley without any insecurities.

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