Sexual issues

The Contractions That Close The Vagina

Vaginismus can be devastating for women and their partners

There is a distinct lack of knowledge of one of the most debilitating sexual issues some women, and therefore couples, face: vaginismus. When searching for the statistics to get an idea of the proportion of women suffering with vaginismus, the figures varied between 0.5–17 %. I can only guess why we don’t have an accurate estimate:

1. There is a general lack of knowledge of the condition, meaning women suffer in silence perhaps thinking they are faulty in some way.

2. Women are fearful of the inevitable vaginal examination and so avoid seeking medical help altogether.

What is vaginismus?

Vaginismus is caused by involuntary contractions of the muscles in the vagina. This tightening happens when something comes near the vagina, making it impossible to insert anything, whether this is a tampon, a speculum, or indeed a penis.

The severity can vary, and it’s common to experience a persistent and unbearable painful stinging or burning. Trying penetration of any sort is likely to increase a woman’s anxiety and make the symptoms worse. Women with this condition used to be called frigid or emotionally cold because they were unable to have physical intercourse with a man. I would like to think that we have moved on from this attitude now.

Vaginismus and relationships

Because of the pain it’s likely a woman will shy away from physical contact, dreading the torture of even trying penetration. Perhaps she may also be concerned that she won’t be able to satisfy her partner in the traditional manner of penetration. Sex is such an important part of a romantic relationship and vaginismus may seem like a passion killer. If penetration is the only sex a couple is aiming for, disappointment will be inevitable.

Despite the effects of vaginismus, women can still enjoy sex and be just as passionate, relishing in the intimacy, and have great orgasms. In fact, I would say that couples affected by vaginismus become naturally more sexually adventurous than most other couples; exploring likes and dislikes, touch and toys that will enhance their sexual experiences.

However, it isn’t just about sex. Vaginismus can affect a woman psychologically and emotionally, with shame being a close ally. Feeling broken or incomplete, their self-image may influence how they present themselves and their self-esteem. If self-esteem is low, this will affect their success in other aspects of life.

With vaginismus, motherhood is not completely impossible, though it takes a great deal of courage, tolerance and pain management, as described in this blog post on the Vaginismus Network:

How women experience the medical treatment of their symptoms

Some of the experiences with the medical profession described by the woman in the post above, are echoed in other women’s stories:

1. Their doctor has wanted to do a physical examination, even though the woman has said that this would cause her distress. Lying on the couch, as the doctor has unsuccessfully tried to insert a speculum, they have been told to just relax.

If relaxing their vagina was possible, the women wouldn’t be seeking help with vaginismus. This treatment can feel like a complete violation of a woman’s body.

2. Referrals to vaginismus clinics may seem like a good idea, until the woman once again is lying on a couch. This time with a physiotherapist trying to insert vaginal trainers or dilators.

For those women with the most severe form of vaginismus, this is felt as even more violation. Anything inserted into the vagina needs to be controlled by the woman herself.

3. One story truly horrified me: being told that she just wasn’t trying hard enough, this woman was offered an operation to cut her vaginal muscles so they no longer would contract.

At this point she began to believe that the medical profession only cared that her husband had penetrative sex.

But there is help available:

1. Psychosexual therapy can actually help as it works with both partners towards a healthy, considerate and unique sex life. This needs to be with an experienced therapist who has been trained specifically in working with couples and their sexual issues.

2. Vaginal dilators can assist in improving the possibility of penetration but only in collaboration with a specially trained professional.

3. Special vaginal relaxation exercises can equally be of great help when taught by a specially trained professional.

Most couples take it for granted that penetration will be part of their sex life, and when it turns out not to be the case it can be devastating for both partners. Finding out more about what it is and how to manage life and relationships with vaginismus can be reassuring. Working together as a team, vaginismus can be what pulls partners closer together creating a life long, supportive relationship.

Clearly this is an area where we need a lot more research to form a better understanding of the condition, its causes as well as its treatment, and its effect on relationships. The internet has a lot of support and information to help and reassure. Here is a small collection of some of these sites:

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