Summary

Recent research underscores the importance of supporting a child's authentic gender identity, emphasizing that parental attempts to enforce a gender identity different from the child's self-identified one can have severe negative consequences, while acceptance and support can significantly improve mental health outcomes for transgender children.

Abstract

The article discusses the implications of raising a child with a gender identity that does not align with their sex assigned at birth. It highlights key developmental milestones, noting that by age 3, most cisgender children identify with their assigned sex, and by age 5, they expect their gender to remain consistent. However, for transgender children, their gender identity may differ from their assigned sex, leading to a need for parental understanding and support. The article emphasizes that even well-intentioned parents may inadvertently cause harm by not acknowledging their child's authentic gender identity. It stresses that self-socialization allows children to develop their gender identity independently, and that attempts to suppress this process, as often seen in conservative approaches, are not only ineffective but also harmful. The research cited shows that familial acceptance significantly reduces the risk of mental health issues, including suicidal ideation, among transgender youth. Conversely, rejection can drastically increase these risks. The article concludes by affirming the resilience of transgender individuals and the futility of conservative efforts to erase transgender identities.

Opinions

Parental support and acceptance of a child's self-identified gender is crucial for their mental health and well-being.
Attempts to force a gender identity on a child, as sometimes practiced by conservative parents, are not only cruel but also ineffective.
The individuation process and self-socialization are natural aspects of child development, allowing children to form their own gender identity.
Research indicates that familial rejection of transgender children can lead to a higher likelihood of suicide, while acceptance decreases this risk.
The article criticizes the political campaigns by some right-wing parents that deny the existence of transgender children, labeling such behavior as bad and harmful.
It is pointed out that conservative attempts to discipline or punish gender nonconformity out of children are not only cruel but also ultimately unsuccessful in changing a child's gender identity.
The resilience of transgender individuals is highlighted, with the assertion that despite efforts to suppress their identities, transgender people persist and grow stronger.
The article suggests that transgender children who are allowed to express their authentic selves grow up to be powerful individuals.
It is suggested that conservative efforts to erase transgender existence have consistently failed.

The Consequences Of Raising Your Kid as the Wrong Gender

Recent research into children ages 3–12 years old reveals the surprising outcome

Graphic by author, elements from photos by geralt and geralt again

Newly-discovered milestones in your child’s development

There’s something happening beneath the surface of your kid that will now and forever be beyond your control as a parent.

By age 3, most cisgender children label their gender according to their assigned sex.

By age 5, most children expect their gender to stay the same.

By adulthood and beyond, recent Pew research concluded that for most kids, their gender will stay the same.

But what happens when a kid discovers their gender doesn’t match their sex assigned at birth? And how are you supposed to feel if you’re that child’s parent?

Just how much damage might even a loving parent do by raising their kid as the wrong gender?

You supported your kid, and yet —

You got it wrong.

Well, sort of.

You aren’t like my dad. You didn’t abuse and torture your daughter until she agreed to dress herself like a boy.

You believed your kid. You raised them as the gender they thought they were. You raised them as the gender they said they were.

But now they understand enough about themselves to see beyond what they were assigned at birth.

You supported your kid. You still do.

The past sends constant reminders of what we could have done differently.

If we’d known better, we would have done better. Instead, we have to start with where we’re at. It’s what we do now that determines what happens next.

Accept the past — embrace the future — lean into the poetry

It’s easy to point at right-wing parents who literally launch political campaigns based on denying their trans child the right to exist. Those people are bad in a way even other Republicans wouldn’t deny.

Well, most of them.

But despite the loudest voices from the right, most parents are decent people who support their children regardless of their gender or lack of gender. That’s in part why recent research into trans children ages 3–12 provided such clarifying insights on how to support our kids.

Finally some good news

First, the bad news. Your kid will still hate you. But that’s a normal part of your kid growing up. What’s most important is that you acknowledge and support your child’s authentic self, because there’s something happening beneath the surface that will now and forever be beyond your control as a parent.

Your kid is self-socializing.

That’s right. While you raise your kids, they’re also raising themselves. We’re literally hardwired to do it through the individuation process. Sometimes, we fight back against what our parents want from us just so we can feel confident in one simple fact: we are not them.

Children are not an extension of their parents

That includes their gender.

And when it comes to raising your kid as the wrong gender, self-socialization empowers your child to learn the traits of their authentic gender rather than the one assigned to them at birth.

Try as a conservative might to discipline and punish the trans right out of their kids (and sometimes themselves), recent research shows that conservatives are wasting their time.

The best you could do is abuse and torture a person until they repress their gender in the absence of safety. And though for many conservatives, cruelty is indeed the point, the truth will out.

As soon as you’re gone, the closet will open

Take, for example, a woman assigned male at birth. Rewarding masculine things and punishing feminine ones doesn’t determine whether that child later identifies as a woman.

Wren Sanders (she/they), an award-winning journalist and the editor of Them’s Community Section, wrote: “What’s actually dangerous is rejecting or subverting a child’s own sense of their gender identity. Families who reject their trans kids’ identities have been shown to dramatically raise their likelihood of contemplating, planning, and attempting suicide. Conversely, familial acceptance and support has been shown to dramatically decrease trans folks’ likelihood of a host of psychological issues, including suicidality.”

Trans kids are powerful kids

The research is clear that a child’s gender development is not within the control of their parents. Whether a kid is raised in a gender-normative or gender-non-conforming home, that child’s gender was never within the control of their parents.

Conservatives can’t erase trans children from existence

They’ve tried and tried and tried.

I am still here. You are still here. We are still here.

And we are only getting stronger.

Until next time…

If you’d like to further translate transphobic politics, check out these articles:

| Believing Trans Kids Isn’t The Same As Grooming Them | Conservatives Are Cruel Because Cruelty Is Their Point | Shouldn’t liberals be willing to compromise on trans issues if it protects cisgender people? | Science Proves (Again) That Watching Fox News Makes You Dumber Than Not Watching Any News At All | Is Being Anti-Woke The Easiest Grift In The History of Money? | What Black Panther Taught Me About Protesting With Pride | Medium Faces The Same Fake Problem As Twitter | Can The Most Common Test For Narcissism Help Fight Bigotry? |

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