The Clitoris — a Crash Course to Better Stimulation
Understand how to enhance your partner’s pleasure — or your own
I know I can’t be the only one, so I’m going to just come out and say it.
I didn’t know about the inner part of the clitoris until I was 33 years old.
It took that long. That long — as a person who has a clitoris — to find out that the small button-like bulb at the top of my inner labia is just the beginning of the story.
It wasn’t until I started writing articles about my sexual experiences over a year ago that I discovered the clitoris is much more than meets the eye.
I began researching my body and the science behind how people with a vulva respond to pleasure — and I stumbled upon something the teachers completely neglected to include in my sex education.
When we refer to the clitoris in writing or in conversation, we’re typically referring to just the outside part, or the glans.
The small pearl we see on the vulva is, literally, just the tip of the iceberg.
After looking into what’s actually happening within my body when it comes to having an especially Earth-shattering orgasm, I found out that the cute little bulb of the clit extends inside my body in a wishbone shape, its branches surrounding either side of my vaginal canal.
And in its entirety, the clitoris can be as long as 7 centimeters in length, if not longer.
Imagine my surprise! With Google as my teacher, I’ve stumbled upon some very helpful information that has led me to more intense orgasms. And now I understand how to stimulate not only the visible portion of my clit, but the other areas of my vulva that also become erect and engorged in response to arousal.
Are you kidding me? The clitoris is not just a little nub? There’s more to it that can be aroused inside us? It has roots and surrounds the vaginal opening? It can be stimulated through penetration?
Why did no one tell us this?
The clitoris — according to my gym teacher
Why? Why didn’t my ninth grade gym teacher, who also happened to teach our sex education class, tell us this?
There are still sexuality resources that show the clitoris as something no larger than an inch on the body, and even that isn’t very detailed. See?
This image hardly gives young women the big picture — the full potential of the clitoris and the powerhouse pleasure center it actually is. The entire organ extends much farther inside the body, a notion that was initially brought to public attention way later than it should have been by researcher Dr. Helen O’Connell.
The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris. If you lift the skin off the vagina on the side walls, you get the bulbs of the clitoris — triangular, crescental masses of erectile tissue.
Granted, before I dove into the research, I already knew that stimulation in other areas added to my clitoral orgasms. But now that I know exactly why using two fingers to massage the inside of my vagina while I’m rubbing my clit takes my climax to the next level, I‘m able to build on that and enhance my pleasure even more.
It’s not just about poking around inside there randomly. And, in case you aren’t aware, it’s definitely not about fingerbanging your partner like you’re jackhammering a highway — it’s about sensually massaging and stimulating the inner walls. And labia. And urethra. And the super sensitive areas just above and below the head of the clit.
All these parts respond to stimulation. Those who don’t have a clit but want to pleasure their clit-owning partners: remember that. Utilize that.
It’s the reason why engaging in clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex makes for such a mind-blowing orgasm.
When it comes to learning the best methods for self-pleasure, many women can hopefully learn how to involve the entire vulva to enhance stimulation through some healthy self-exploration.
But it’s not always that simple.
As women, we sometimes still face shame, embarrassment, and guilt for chasing after our pleasure — either by ourselves or with a partner.
I experienced that shame myself at age 19 when I married into an almost cult-like Latin Catholic family where sexual pleasure was a sin worthy of burning in hell for all of eternity. My only purpose as a sexual being at that point in my life was to procreate.
And anything beyond that was something I needed to take up with my priest in the confessional.
You can imagine why it took me so long to discover the immense pleasure my body was capable of.
Since those dark, dark, practically medieval days of my blossoming womanhood, I’ve done a complete one-eighty, and I’ve learned a lot about how to make my clitoris sing.
And in the hope of shedding some light on the topic, I’ve been a real stickler for research. If writing an authentic article means I have to make myself come while holding a mirror between my legs, then dammit, that’s what I’m going to do.
And that’s indeed what I did last night — because no matter how adept you think you are with stimulating the clitoris, a refresher course is always helpful.
More than meets the eye
When pleasuring your own clitoris, or pleasuring your partner’s, always keep the big picture in mind. The clitoris has three major components:
- The glans clitoris, which is the only visible part of the organ, accounting for “a fifth or less” of the entire structure.
- Two crura, which extend like branches from the glans deep into the tissue of the vulva, on either side.
- The two bulbs of the vestibule, which extend to either side of the vaginal orifice.
Focusing on this overall big picture, I sat in my cushy desk chair, completely alone in my well-lit office, naked except for my black tank top with two pink glittery skulls on the front.
I leaned back with my legs spread wide open, one leg up on my desk, the other stabilizing myself on the floor. This way, I could get a good view with my little mirror, which sat flat on the edge of my chair just in front of my vulva.
I had my silver bullet vibrator in hand and used it to first massage the areas surrounding the head of my clit.
I wanted to take my time and observe my vulva’s response, so at first, I used the toy in the “off” setting, with no vibration at all — just to get things warmed up.
I rubbed the rounded head of my bullet over my vaginal opening, getting it slick, then traced the lips of my inner labia, then inserted the toy inside me gently, massaging my entrance before pulling it out and making slow circles around the head of my clitoris.
This gives you an idea of how to start pleasing your partner if you don’t already own a clit: surrounding stimulation is best at the beginning.
Don’t go right for the glans (the tip of the clit) until your partner is very, very aroused. Even then, go slow and check in.
You might retract the clitoral hood if it’s covering the glans and place your tongue or fingers or a vibrator directly on your partner’s love button — and that may be something they love.
Or, depending on the person, it might just be too much. No clit is the same, so pay attention to body language or, better yet, ask your partner if it feels good.
In my research, I’ve learned that our clitoral tissue becomes erect when we’re sexually excited. Now I understand how complexly and beautifully the blood vessels and nerves of my clit connect to my surrounding sexual organs.
I deeply understand that hard, engorged erections aren’t just for penises anymore.
The more I massaged myself, with my bullet, on all the areas of my vulva, the more turned on I got.
I turned the vibes on and started the circuit all over again. I went for the surrounding areas, gently pumping the now pulsating toy in and out of my entrance, massaging my outer labia, inner labia, and urethra before circling tightly around my clit.
Then, as I became more and more aroused, my hips started pumping (something that always tends to happen when I’m starting to get close), and I placed the vibrating bullet directly on my clitoral hood — which is right on top of my clitoris.
For me, I need to stimulate above or below the clitoral glans for a bit. The closer I get, the more pressure I can place on the clit itself.
By the time I was almost there, I inserted two fingers of my left hand inside my vagina, massaging gently in an upward motion (again, you don’t need a lot of crazy fingerbanging here) and placed the tip of my vibrator directly on my clit.
My hips ground the air and thrust into the toy and my fingers until — until I started enjoying my full-body, orgasmic experience.
In the mirror, I watched my glistening vaginal entrance contract, over and over again, as I continued placing the vibrating toy in various places around my clit.
I know just how much stimulation to give myself, how much pressure, and when to switch up the angle.
This — this intricate dance where we’re clenching our core, getting close, then finding an amazing release in every fiber of our being — this is what we clitoris-owners need to communicate to our partners. Step by step.
Giving all-around stimulation
The clitoris is truly the hot spot of the vulva. Sure, there’s are a lot of great places to travel along the vulva map — definitely visit all of them!
But the head of the clit is our center of pleasure, packed with 8,000 nerve endings.
That’s twice as many nerve endings as the penis. But this tiny erogenous zone doesn’t end there. Size truly doesn’t matter, as the glans of the clitoris spreads mind-bending pleasure to 15,000 other nerves in the pelvis, which explains why it feels like our whole body takes part in the climactic experience.
Remember this, if only to remind yourself how sensitive the erect clit can be. You don’t need to start with a lot of pressure. Go light, then increase the stimulation as arousal takes over.
To please a clit, try sucking and releasing with your mouth (or a sucking toy). Try nice long strokes, either up and down or side to side, with your fingers. Or circular massage that starts slow and then gets faster and harder.
And whatever you do — when you find a rhythm that works, keep it consistent!
Also, insert fingers/toy/erect cock into the vagina to stimulate those aroused clitoral tissues housed within the vaginal walls as you stimulate the clit.
Then, settle in for a climax that will rock you to your core. Or, if you’re learning how to properly stimulate your partner’s clit — enjoy the show.
This story is part of Sexual Espresso, a weekly column published here at Sexual Tendencies.