The Choice To Have a Child Is Mine and Mine Alone
Unstructured thoughts on the U.S Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade
I’m a woman in my late thirties and I don’t think I want to have children. My partner and I use protection to prevent unplanned pregnancies because we don’t believe we’re ready.
We’ve been together a long, long time and, for us, the time has never been right — first, we were poor students on a student visa, then we fought our families who were against our relationship while being on a work visa, and then eventually now, our mental health doesn’t justify bringing a child into the mix when we don’t have energy for it.
Despite what people around us think, we aren’t being flippant or selfish. If anything, we’re being cautious about what is probably the most serious decision we’ve ever had to take. And we’ve had multiple, multiple conversations about what ready means for us: mentally, financially, and physically.
We have also discussed what would happen if we get accidentally pregnant. The answer sounds a little bit like this: I don’t know, it depends.
And that’s all we needed to talk through. That’s all the explanation I’m willing to offer.
We’re Already Here: The Future isn’t Dystopian, the Present is.
I want to indulge in a little hyperbole right now:
Abortion is illegal so women have to keep babies they don’t want More pregnant women mean more money the healthcare industry makes More babies mean adults who can go on to work and pay taxes More adults mean more money the healthcare industry makes More people means more people to kill
Carrying guns is still legal so there are free concealed guns around us (yes, yes I know the bill is with Biden, but whatever) More guns mean more potential deaths So, people with guns — and “mental health issues” — now have a choice: They can either kill White or People of Color, Citizens or Immigrants, Adults or Children, Race, gender, religion, stage of development, etc no bar (fetuses are living things too, remember?) Animals and other species Themselves, if they choose to, but hey that’s no fun
Because wouldn’t guns be completely useless if they weren’t used? More people -> More trouble -> More need for “self-defense” -> More justified use of guns
More people, more money, more control. Exaggeration or potential reality? I don’t know, you tell me.
But why do I care? I’m just an immigrant with no voting rights in the U.S
We’ve lived in America for twelve years now and have contributed significantly to the institutions we’ve been a part of and to the overall economy:
- As students, we paid out-of-state tuition for the two years of our Master’s degrees. This does not include taxes we’ve paid through our measly on-campus earnings.
- We’ve lived in California for the majority of our time here, working in the high-paying tech sector. We both earn six-figure salaries, own a home and other assets, and pay ~40% of all earnings in taxes.
- We became permanent residents a few years ago but except for the ability to move jobs more freely (without needing visa transfers), it doesn’t give us much else. Yes, theoretically we “…are eligible to receive federal benefits such as social security or education assistance” but the Trump administration tried to penalize immigrants who used these benefits so the fear(?) still exists.
We’ve been law-abiding residents to the utmost degree, partly because that’s who we are and partly because of the fear of repercussions — something like DUI could result in a revoked visa or cancelation of permanent residency.
Yet, we’re outsiders. A part of the country but not really. Passionate about these sweeping decisions but need to be impassive because we can’t do anything about it, constitutionally.
The country isn’t mine yet its laws affect me, directly and unequivocally.
We have just about two years to go before we’re eligible for citizenship here. As we inch closer, these questions hang like a threat above our heads: Is this a country you want to call yours? Is this a country that’s worth giving up your true identity for? Is this a country where you will ever belong?
We have a lot to think about from now until the day comes. Again, the answer sounds a little bit like this: I don’t know, it depends.
“That’s one small step for MAN, one giant leap for MANkind. And one colossal step backward for WOMANkind.”
Note: I apologize for the digressions I’ve made to get to the point at hand about abortions — they represent repressed emotions I’ve had for a long time; repressed thoughts I’ve not been able to articulate well enough until today.
Today, my blood boils out of anger and resigned fear for the future of a country I now call home away from home. For fellow women who have lost control of our lives time and time again, because people — including women — tell us we’re sub-standard beings who are meant to be controlled.
This isn’t about religion, it’s about control. This isn’t about life, it’s about control. This isn’t about care, it’s about control.
The debate isn’t about whether abortion is right or wrong, it’s about choice. About my choice to not bring a child into this disgusting, insufferable world that will only bring anguish and disappointment, worse still if they don’t identify as male.
Because men with guns in their hands and between their legs take it upon themselves to subjugate women and other gender identities to reign supremacy, to stroke their fragile, fragile penises and egos.
It doesn't matter if it’s Not All Men because all it takes is some men — Four men to be exact in this case. And one woman.
Additional reading from June 24, 2022:
- The End of Roe v. Wade: What You Need to Know About Abortion Access — The New Yorker
- Thomas’s concurring opinion raises questions about what rights might be next — Sheryl Gay Stolberg, The New York Times
- Tracking Which States Banned Abortion Today — The New York Times
Preeti Ramachandran writes personal stories about her wonderful life and extremely normal mental health. She believes she is funny, tags her articles with “Humor” and also dabbles in fiction. P.S: She finds it weird to refer to herself in the 3rd person.