The Choice To Be Here

A Poem about Existing, Reasons for Staying.

Each day that goes on, everyday tasks are becoming harder than wanting to admit

There is this feeling of fear of not being seen and what would happen if I was not here

Of course, following through is a physical roadblock

Every reason to go, there is a counter-reason to stay

Mine is my family; they are the reasons why I need to get out of bed, not be the people in their past

Car rides are a safe place for Mommy and me (I still call her Mommy, don’t judge.)

Early morning risers are the perfect times to invoke conversation with my father.

Monthly family game nights are times where my mouth makes real movements of happiness and laughter.

Face-time with my ‘grown’ nephews who would rather play games on their cellular devices than talk to me(It’s an inside joke)

The random deep, crying convos with that one friend who lives in another state has their own set of complications, yet, text or call, always on each other thoughts and prayers.

Once alone in the bed, the reason to disappear come back, but the blank ceiling that’s staring back at your person like a mirror is covered with goals that you need and photos of the reason why breathing is necessary.

However, waking up for yourself is the hardest physical aspect that leads the next step to step into 5 minutes.

Now it’s never that physically easy,

The battle is the mind and emotions, that dark corner where it’s the most comforting seat in the world, sometimes the sun is better for the body