The Children’s Crusade

Can what Greta Thunberg started expand its reach and effectiveness? I think so. Here’s how.

Even wealthy and powerful parents can’t wait for the grand kids. Let’s crush their hopes.

Kurt Vonnegut’s classic — and odd — anti-war novel “Slaughterhouse Five” is sub-titled “The Children’s Crusade.” It’s also one of my favorite books though, truth be told, I prefer “Cat’s Cradle.”

Nonetheless, here on Earth and in real life, there IS a children’s crusade, one that is important and inspiring. It is also a crusade that could up its game, and play an even more significant role in saving the world from climate collapse.

I am talking about Fridays for Future, a movement of children skipping school to protest the clueless destruction of the Earth by adults — especially adults in positions of authority. Greta has literally millions of followers on multiple continents. And she has made the authorities very uncomfortable.

But her movement has not stopped them. I would make a few suggestions on how she could — figuratively and ironically speaking — turn up the gas.

What Children Can Do

In most households, parents make the rules and children are compelled to obey. The parents decide what their children can and cannot do — while they live under the parent’s roof. But even then the control is not perfect.

Children CAN “misbehave” if they are willing to take the consequences. In many cases, the cost of misbehavior is loss of an allowance or being grounded. Of course, some parents are crazy and dangerous and the penalty for disobedience may be physical abuse.

I advise all children to avoid the latter. But the other two penalties may be worth the price IF what you are doing is SAVING THE PLANET SO THAT, AS AN ADULT, YOU CAN LIVE ON IT.

This is a project for children of ultra-wealthy and/or ultra powerful people. I see a two part process for this children’s crusade. The talk, and the deal.

The Talk

Child: Dad (or mom), it’s time that we had the talk.

Parent: Hmmm?

Child: We need to talk. About the future. About MY future.

Parent: I’ve provided for you. I make a ton of money, and when you grow up, you’ll be in charge of my empire. Don’t worry about it.

Child: I need to worry. Because you are fucking up. Royally.

Parent: [stunned silence]

Child: Your job and your activities are destroying the planet, and when I grow up, I’ll live on a post-armageddon Earth. I don’t want that. And I certainly hope YOU don’t want that.

Parent: What are you talking about? I work on Wall Street. [Or for a military contractor. Or a fossil fuel company. Or some other major contributor to climate abuse.] I’m making money for YOU. I’m not destroying the Earth.

Child: You are promoting the continued and even increased use of fossil fuels because it’s profitable for you. You send money to politicians who will protect your investment by enabling fossil fuel companies to continue their planet-destroying behavior. And you are rich enough and influential enough to be a world-class villain. I’m telling you to stop it. Now.

Parent: Go to your room.

Child: You might want to re-think that.

Parent: While you are living under my roof, you will follow my rules.

Child: Sure. And then when I’m NOT living under your roof, and you want to see your first grandchild…well, you will NEVER see your first grandchild. And I’ll tell the child the truth about you.

Parent: What are you talking about?

Child: Can’t talk now. Going to my room. Dad’s orders. But just remember what I said: unless you reverse course and actively and passionately work to save the Earth from C02 emissions and fossil fuels, you will never see a grandchild. And both the child and I will die on a damaged planet, cursing you till our dying breaths.

Good night!

The Deal

But maybe you aren’t living under your parents roof. Maybe you are already married and perhaps even expecting your first child. Pick up the phone. Call home with the exciting news!

Adult Child: Hi, dad! (Or mom.)

Parent: Well, hello! Nice to hear from you. I’ve been so busy …you know, mergers and acquisitions— we haven’t had the chance to talk lately. What’s up in your world?

Adult Child: We’re expecting! You are going to be a grandfather!

Parent: [speechless]

Adult Child: Hello?

Parent: I’m thrilled! Your mother will be thrilled! Let me get her! (calling out) Bunny! Big news! You are going to be grandmother!

Bunny: Put it on speaker! Hello, dear! I hear the good news! When is the baby coming! When can I see and hold my grandchild!

Adult Child: In two months. And never. Dad decided to destroy the planet that our baby will struggle to live on. So, the deal was — no habitable planet, no seeing a grandchild. I’m sorry it turned out this way, mom. YOU could have sided with me, and not with him. But you didn’t. So, you are a part of this, too.

Parent and Spouse: What the fuck!

Adult Child: Too late for that now. Gotta go. I have people that actually give a fuck to care for. Bye!

As Vonnnegut says, and so it goes.

By the way, I’m dead serious about this. Part of The Saners Movement (see the website WeAreSaners.org) will include encouraging this tactic by the children of the wealthy and powerful. We think it could make an impact.

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