The Cheater’s Starter Pack

The Lies, all the lies

The Cheater’s Starter Pack

Aboutit posts some of the “justifications” for cheating on Surviving Infidelity.

1. It was an accident.

2. You were moody and stressed out.

3. I thought you were cheating on me.

4. We were on a “break.”

5. It’s not what you think.

6. It’s because I have a mental illness.

7. We just kissed.

8. He/she only went down on me.

9. We stopped before he/she came.

10. It was only X times.

11. I lied to protect your feelings/I didn’t want to lose you.

12. You know I love only you, baby.

13. He/she is just a friend.

14. You think I’m a slut? How dare you slut shame me?

15. I would NEVER do that to you.

16. I can’t believe you don’t trust me.

17. I swear I don’t know how (insert suspicious item) got there!

18. Besides, he/she’s married and has children. You know I would never do that to a family!

19. He/she is so gross.

20. When would I have time to do that? With what free time?

21. I thought I was giving you what you wanted.

22. You always talked me out of leaving.

23. He/she wanted our marriage to get better.

24. This proves absolutely nothing.

25. He/she is like a brother/sister to me.

26. Why can’t you stop living in the past?

27. Why are you still talking about this?

28. Why stay mad when time is passing us by?

29. I lied because I didn’t want you upset.

30. I didn’t do that! (Fill in the blank) is out to get me.

31. You are never going to trust me, so why are we still here?

32. I don’t know why I did it.

33. People can make mistakes.

34. It will never happen again.

35. I was drunk/high. I would never do that sober.

36. I never say anything about you and (fill in the blank).

37. We didn’t mean this to happen. It was not my intention…

38. I went to him/her to talk about our marriage problems.

39. You are paranoid.

40. I was confused.

41. I thought I could control myself.

42. All this hurts me more than it hurts you.

43. I figured the relationship would end on its own.

44. I am a free spirit.

45. Why can’t you just stop thinking about it?

46. You weren’t paying enough attention to me.

47. I needed to know if I was really in love with you or not.

48. You didn’t talk about your feelings enough.

49. How dare you spy on me?

50. None of that matters anymore.

51. I cheated because I got influenced by porn.

52. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

53. Someday, we’ll be friends again.

54. I just wasn’t happy.

55. If you cared, you would have fought for me.

56. We both deserve to find happiness.

57. I was imagining you the whole time.

58. I married too young and want to see what the world offers.

59. But it didn’t mean anything.

60. I am going to fix this.

What have I used to justify myself?

Number 54. “I just wasn’t happy.”

I could have used, “If you just let me do what I wanted, I wouldn’t have had to lie to you.” Oh yeah, that was mature. Even I could cringe at that one.

“I wasn’t going to lie any more than I have,” I promised myself.

I won’t gaslight.

I won’t deny it.

I will own up to being a low life pathetic slug, but not a coward when push came to shove. I knew I was wrong, nonetheless I could see the forest and the trees. I had examined adultery from various viewpoints. I wasn’t justifying any longer.

Could I have resisted the impulse to cheat? Yes, I could have.

I should stop fucking around.

Could I have stopped? Yes, I should have.

Why can’t I?

Should I confess? No, I won’t.

I’ll never stop.

I was a coward, after all.

An excerpt from my book r/adultery

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