The Carpet Sweeper

Four harrowing days in the 1970s

I never tell anyone this but for four days back in the 1970s I worked as a door-to-door salesman. Actually, it was only three and a half days since I quit halfway through the fourth day.

I was between jobs and waiting to hear back from some interviews and apparently I was feeling rather desperate. Who in their right mind would agree to be a door-to-door salesman? When I saw the ad in the paper I answered it. Anything was better than sitting at home stewing in hopeless anxiety.

Or so I thought.

The guy who hired me as a door-to-door salesman said that if I was really gung-ho that I could earn many thousands of dollars a month. Yeah right. I just wanted to make enough money to last me until I got a real job.

I should point out that this occurred during the summer in the middle of the Chihuahua desert where average daily high temperatures ranged between 105 degrees and 115 degrees (Fahrenheit).

So there I was in my dress shoes, pressed slacks, short-sleeved shirt, and tie with a satchel full of household sundries in one hand and an electrostatic carpet sweeper in the other hand. The electrostatic carpet sweeper was a brand new item the company was selling so they wanted us to really push it. In the brutal heat I walked from door to door to door.

I am guessing that approximately 9 out of every 10 doors that I knocked on were promptly shut in my face before I could get more than a couple of words in edgewise. The 10th door slammed shut after I gave my little spiel.

For the first three days I did not sell a damn thing! Not a damn thing! Since I was working solely on commission I did not earn so much as a penny.

Halfway through the fourth day I knocked on a door and an Asian woman answered. Her eyes bugged out and her jaw dropped as she stared at the electrostatic carpet sweeper in my hand.

I started my spiel but she waved me off, saying, “Come in. Come in. Come in.”

Closing the door behind me, she began talking, “Little while ago I am eating my lunch while watching All My Children. I spill crumbs on carpet. They are still there. See. Show me how this works.”

I put down the satchel and explained, “The nice thing about this electrostatic carpet sweeper is that you don’t even plug it in. It makes practically no noise. All you have to do is sweep it back and forth over the crumbs and it picks them up.”

To my horror as I rolled the carpet sweeper back and forth over the crumbs none of the crumbs were being picked up! I picked up the carpet sweeper and looked underneath the bottom of it. Everything was in order. Why was it not picking anything up?

“I take!”

Once again I rolled the carpet sweeper back and forth over the crumbs but it did not pick up a single crumb!

“I take!”

I kept sweeping over the crumbs, “Listen, I think there’s something wrong with this thing. It’s not working.”

“I take!”

“Ma’am, in all good conscience I don’t think I can sell you something that doesn’t work. It just…”

“I take!” She then forcefully grabbed the carpet sweeper from my hands.

It was my jaw that now dropped. I was speechless.

“Listen. Last night husband and I watch Jeopardy. We have snacks and spill crumbs on carpet.” She cast her eyes downward, “We spill a lot.”

She looked back up at me, “I cannot get vacuum out because vacuum is too loud and we can’t hear TV. I remember seeing commercial on TV earlier in the day for a carpet sweeper. I realize that is what I want. So before bed I pray to God. I pray to God to bring me carpet sweeper. Then today you come to my door with carpet sweeper! I take!”

“But…”

“I take! Listen, punk! When you pray to God for something and He delivers it the next day you don’t say, ‘No thanks.’ That would be rude! Even if not work right, you accept what God brings!” She then screamed, “YOU DO NOT INSULT GOD!”

She then calmed down a little, “Will you take check?”

I was too speechless to answer. I barely managed to nod my head affirmatively.

The woman then took the carpet sweeper into her kitchen and put it in her kitchen closet — no doubt to make sure I didn’t try to take it back.

She wrote me out a check, handed it to me, thanked me then showed me the door.

Instead of going to the next house glad that I no longer had to carry that carpet sweeper, I went to my car. The Asian woman’s door was the very last door I knocked on. I drove to the head office and turned in my satchel and collected my 7 bucks commission for the sale of the carpet sweeper then I went home. I earned a whopping 7 bucks for three and a half days work! It was one of the worst paying jobs I’ve ever had.

But at least I learned a thing or two.

Copyright by White Feather. All Rights Reserved. Stories by White Feather

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