The Bride’s Surprise

The best-laid plans may have unintended consequences

Tapalinka had never planned to marry. Few men survived contact with the Myridical. Her passions were dangerous, her blade hungry for blood.

Tapalinka reasoned that taking a husband would invariably result in losing one. The attendant repercussions, perhaps even the unfamiliar feeling of remorse, would hardly be worth any fleeting benefit.

And yet, here she was at her bridal banquet, a groom at her side swilling Paltzonian wine. Other women of her order in attendance had conjured escorts of horses, magicked to mimic men. The deception was flawless unless one of the equine imposters laughed. Tapalinka disapproved of this perversion of their art.

She agreed to marry for one reason only: the Box of Methuselah. It was to be her wedding gift. The legendary artifact could extend her life far beyond what her powers could achieve. The Clan of the Rock had kept it hidden for millennia, but for reasons unknown to her, their High Priest Salinius had agreed to give her the treasure if she would consent to be his wife.

The difficulty lay in the fact that she wanted the box, but not Silinius. There were numerous solutions to that problem. An attack of spectral wasps sending him over a cliff or a simple brain hemorrhage might be in order. The right glance from Tapalinka and his head would explode. And mortals like to say, “If looks could kill…,” as if they couldn’t!

When the banquet ended, Silinius led Tapalinka to the bridal chamber. Before they consummated the marriage, they would exchange gifts. Tapalinka presented a jewel-encrusted scimitar to her husband. When she drew it from its case, his stunned admiration was evident. “Those rubies are as big as my thumb!” he gasped. “So generous and thoughtful of you, my darling.”

Tapalinka inclined her head like some foolish virgin. He’d been easy to impress. Too bad, he won’t be around long enough to find out those aren’t rubies. Imagine the look on his face!

“And now, dear Tapalinka,” he said, “Here is my gift: The Box of Methuselah.” Placing it in her hands, he said, “We shall partake of its powers together so that our marriage, like our lives, shall transcend time.”

This was unexpected. Tapalinka had to act quickly. There was no telling what other protections the artifact might bestow. If Silinius used it first, she might not be able to get rid of him so quickly, if at all. Her dagger at the ready, Tapalinka gazed into her husband’s eyes and said, “Might I look inside before we start?” “Of course, my darling,” he answered. “Ladies, first!” He held out the box as she lifted the lid.

Suddenly, Tapalinka felt the strength of her body, mind, and magic fading rapidly away. In the mirror behind her husband, she could see she was now an ancient, toothless crone. She fell to the floor and looked up to see Silinius holding the scimitar over her, paused to strike. Smiling, he said, “Be careful what you wish for.”

Denise Shelton has been writing flash fiction for about a week. “The Bride’s Surprise” is her shortest story so far. Here’s one a bit longer but still short: