A FEW GEMS FROM THE BEST OF THE BEST

Five Bits of Writing Advice From Charles Dickens

With cockney flair

Eh up Ducks. I’m back to ‘ry my mit a’ medium. It’s bin 150 years ov Bo Peep. I’m rested an’ ready to offer some advice.

My friends call me Boz. You knah me if you knah me as Charles Dickens.

Don’ wawry. I’m no’ goin ‘o ask you i’h you read my books. From wha’ i can tell they would bawe you to dea’h. You move and talk fas’. An’ you ‘ave the a’en’ion spans ov squirrels. No offense ma’es. Jus’ sayin ‘he way I see it.

Dis essay is goin to give Grammarly a big ‘eadach, isn’ it?

I’ll give you five pieces ov wri’in advice. Tha’s all I go’ in me befawe I’ll need a glass of whiskey.

1. Dis is ‘he firs’ thing. You need to read. No’ jus’ wha’ people pos’ on Medium. Read books, an’ magazines, an’ listen ‘o authors readin their wawk. No’ice wha’ you like. Try an’ copy it. Da form. not the exac’ wawds. You don’’ wan’ to end up in jail wi’h all ‘the ra’s an’ the spiders, do you ma’e?

2. Make ‘hem laugh make ‘hem cry make ‘hem wait.’ I’m stealin from my former myself ‘ere. If you can’t cry, aw rage, aw laugh — well good luck ge’’in anyone else to feel. I’ ‘elps to knah who your audience is. I always liked a big audience faw ‘the bees and honey.

3. Who said ‘that prac’ice makes perfec’? I don’’ knah abou’ the perfec. It will make you a be’’er wri’er. One ov my wri’er friends told me to wri’e when I go’ stuck abou’ wha’ i go’ stuck on. Like a separa’e free wri’e to loosen me to invi’e my crea’ivi’y faw a drink, so to speak.

4. Tha’ brings us to the nex’ thing. Your wri’in ma’es. You need ‘hem. There are plen’y ov other wri’ers, but how do you find your tribe? My ma’es were Wilkie Collins, Edgar Allan Poe, an’ William Makepeace Thackery (how’s that faw a name?) You need mates honest in a gracious way when you’re vulnerable, an’ bru’ally hones mates when you’re stronger. Mates who laugh wi’h you are good too.

5. I always tied my wri’in to my values. Tha’ migh’ be outdated. Wri’ers I’ve read on compu’er an’ in publica’ions are mawe cynical these days. Da wawld is fallin apar’. We’re doomed. We need supa’powers to save us from the comin dark. Tha’s no’hin new I ‘aven’’ read befawe. Values are still impaw’an’. Jus’ pick a few from a list if you must.

Tha’’s all I ‘ave to share faw now ducks. There’s mawe to come abou’ charac’ers an’ stawies.

In the meantime, wha’ are you wai’in faw ma’es? Star’ wri’in.