The Boy and the Dragon

There once was a boy who, more often than not, felt alone against the world. He lived like a terrible beast was out to get him like a war was going on, and he was the only warrior in his army. An unseen dragon was on the alert, waiting for the boy to make a careless move. The boy had to learn to be quick of foot, evading the dragon at every turn, for he believed his very life was at stake.

The boy had to learn to deny his feelings, which showed weakness. If the dragon sensed any weakness, he would take it as an opportunity and breathe his fiery breath on the boy.

In the boy’s nightmares, the dragon would take him in his sleep. So, the boy could not afford to sleep. He would lie with one eye open and his ears always alert for movement.

His senses were keen, and often, he would know the dragon was coming before he even got close. The fear and anticipation at these times could take his breath. Even in these, the most terrifying times, the boy’s biggest challenge was staying aware enough to keep one step ahead of the dragon.

He had to be ever ready to do battle. He could not let the dragon know of his fear. It seemed as though fear might be dragon food. Therefore, the boy always wore protective shields that hid his fear. The dragon must be extremely sharp to catch this boy off guard.

The shields were essential in other warriors’ presence, for they were perhaps allies to the dragon, spies. So many times, the warriors had befriended him only to betray him, get close to him, and then laugh when they breathed their fiery breath on him. And so he had learned, like a great actor, to play the role of a brave and mighty knight, though he was terrified within.

Often, in the most terrifying times, the boy would hear an unfamiliar and, therefore, frightening voice. But this was a gentle voice, with no grovel and no bark, though its message was just as scary and foreign as was its tone. “There’s more for you, Son. Just hold on.”

He didn’t trust the voice and believed the dragon was trying to deceive him. However, there was a small glimmer of hope with the voices’ message but even hope frightened him. Hope, you see, had always turned into disappointment, and his heart would become unbearably heavy and ache in immeasurable pain.

There was one place where the dragon could not enter. In his adolescence, the boy had found a lake with beauty the eye could barely imagine. The water was so clear that the fish could be seen at great depths. There was a borderline of pine trees as tall as his young eye could see. The boy felt safe at the lake. He felt he was being held, perhaps even loved, at the lake. He imagined a sign at the entrance: DRAGON BEWARE. NO DRAGONS ALLOWED. The lake appeared to be his haven, where the weary boy could rest, sleep, and take refuge from the dragon.

Usually, he lived in total silence, but while at the lake, he could speak

freely of all the thoughts he lived with daily, the thoughts he dared not let anyone know. As the trees swayed softly, and the water sparkled gently, as if to encourage him, he could speak the truth about his troubles with the dragon. He spoke of his fear and his worries about the dragons’ victory over him. But outside of this place, his fears had to be kept secret, or else THE DRAGON MIGHT FIND OUT!

The boy could also dream of a life he truly wanted at the lake. He dreamt of love and loved ones. Anywhere else, these dreams only angered the dragon, but here, he felt safe to let his mind wander where it wanted.

He pretended he was a poet, a philosopher, even a great athlete — anything other than a tired, terrified, and beaten warrior fighting a hopeless battle.

Settled in this safe place, he could hear the gentleness of the voice that had frightened him so and hear its wise thoughts:

“Often, in life, we are asked to face dragons, dragons so fierce that death itself seems more appealing. We must realize that it is only in facing these dragons that their fierceness will diminish. In doing so, we come to find our inner strength.”

But away from the lake, he continued with his troublesome life. As time passed, a young man now obsessed with the possibility of a battle and his fear of the dragon, he had never allowed himself a true connection with a maiden.

He could not trust maidens; they, too, could be the dragon’s spies. In times of depression and loneliness, he had attempted to find this connection, but these times only led to more self-doubt, confusion, and loneliness. The maidens were inevitably wounded by his struggles with the dragon, too.

He watched other warriors. They seemed to have beaten their dragons, taken on kingdoms and found maidens to share their lives. He felt cheated and alone. He felt singled out, isolated, with no sense of belonging, and he became very bitter. With no one to trust, no one with whom he could share his pain, his loneliness consumed him.

His obsession with the dragon, along with his loneliness, created an internal pain he thought he could not bear, and thoughts of taking his own life ensued. Yet even in these darkest times, the voice would return with, “There’s more for you, Son.” Somehow, these words, although frightening, also began to comfort him.

Still, his fear led him. His fear turned into anger and his rage into hatred. And the hatred only drove him deeper into the darkness of separation and isolation. Just as his world had become too dark to bear, a thought occurred to him. ‘There has to be something more, something I cannot see. A reason, a purpose, a way to overcome all this pain, a way to overcome this ever-elusive dragon.’

He began to dream daily of finding someone to share his stories of the dragon and show the scars that no one had ever seen to share some of his pain. But the young man knew of no one he could trust as he feared, ‘If they know, they will kill me.’

His preoccupation with conquering the dragon left him feeling exhausted and hopeless. As a result, he had neglected to take on the living responsibilities that other warriors now seemed to welcome, only enhancing his feelings of being an outsider.

So out of focus was he with the hunt that he did things on impulse, then wished he hadn’t. He ran with warriors who knew no honor. He was torn between what was and what was to be. He had an inkling that he had been born to be a noble knight, yet he had been too consumed with protecting himself from the dragon to be concerned with things such as honor, pride, dignity, or honesty.

Sti, Somewhere deep within, he had believed that his desire to be a noble knight would eventually make it so. He asked himself: ‘Since my body is weak and exhausted from this never-ending battle, what if I try overcoming the dragon with intellect and heart?’ ‘What if I surrender?’ And with that, he lay down his sword, removed his heavy protective shields, and let himself be seen.

He began to speak of the dragon to other warriors. He found a group of warriors challenged by dragons. Together, they came to know hope, and with hope, the door to trust had been opened. He discovered the power and strength of connection by sharing with the other warriors. He found courage in connecting with them and learning he was not alone. By connecting with the warriors, he found courage. With his newfound courage and strength, he set out to face the dragon.

There comes a time when you either stand and face your dragons.

Or you lay yourself down in defeat.

Knowing they were facing theirs, the group was giving him the strength to face his dragon. They stood behind him and supported him as he confronted the beast. He began to see the dragon differently. He realized that running and hiding from the dragon made it seem more powerful. But as he stood and faced it, it didn’t seem so terrifying after all.

In time, he began to step aside from the battles. And the qualities he had always yearned for honor, pride, dignity, and honesty, began to be a part of his being.

The warriors wondered how much of their lives had been wasted trying to fight a dragon that only needed to be faced and not conquered. The young man wondered, ‘Have I spent my entire life trying to conquer the unconquerable when all I could ever do was tame that which is tamable?’

Together, the warriors began to hear that foreign voice of hope, the hope that had frightened them with its softness and gentleness. It now whispered, “There is nothing to fear. There is no dragon, nothing to hunt, nothing to run from. It is the truth you have run from, and THAT TRUTH IS LOVE. Love is all that you have feared and fought.”

There is a part of every human being.

That knows only love

And this is what we fear the most.

I once knew loneliness,

To the point that it hurt

And I knew despair,

To the point that I screamed

I lived in anger

To the point of rage

And I also knew hopelessness

To the point that I quit…

Then something happened

Why, I don’t know

A transition had started

So the real me could show

I heard a voice

Bringing me hope

A stillness had come

Bringing me peace

And somehow,

I knew

The war… was almost … over

And…

There is a source of love within you

Meant to touch a heart

A ray of light you shine

That will always bring a smile

The power of God, you own

That can heal all broken hearts

A part that knows of love

A love that you would hide

The spirit of love you are

From which you can’t escape

If sometimes your dragon

Seems too fierce to stand and face alone

It might help to remember,

“You have never stood anywhere alone.”

Excerpt from “The Final Mile Home; Tales of Self-discovery”

Johnnie Calloway

morphintoanewyou.com