The Book Signing From Outer Space

I never saw it coming…

In the years so long ago when I worked in the corporate book industry I hosted a lot of book signings. Then, years later, when I owned my own bookstore I hosted many, many more book signings. I do not know the exact number but overall I have hosted hundreds of book signings. Out of all those book signings I am going to tell you about only one…

I call it, The Book Signing From Outer Space.

It blew every other book signing out of the water.

I am a bona fide book freak. I am also a writer and author of several books. It is only natural that I help out my fellow book freaks and authors in any way that I can. Hey, we’ve got to stick together, right?

So one day a young fella in his late twenties came into my bookstore introducing himself as Christopher O’Brien. He said that he just had his very first book published and that he would like to have his very first book signing at my store.

If anyone ever came into my bookstore saying something like that they immediately had my attention and support and enthusiasm. Like I said, I support authors but I was also a business man. Book signings are a very important part of running a bookstore. They may be lucrative or they might be a bust but they are an event. No bookstores are successful without events.

I asked Mr. O’Brien what his book was about.

He replied, “UFOs.”

I heard a teeny tiny voice way in the back of my noggin say, “Oh shit.” Luckily, that voice had no impact on my face. I smiled.

He elucidated slightly, “It’s a book about UFO sightings in the San Luis Valley.”

One of the highest alpine deserts in the world, the San Luis Valley is known as the headwaters of the Rio Grande River. Located between the Sangre de Cristo Mountains to the east and the San Juan Mountains to the west, it can be freakishly cold in winter and mildly warm in summer. It has one of the most incredible amounts of mind-blowing mountain vistas anywhere. It is an outrageously beautiful place.

The San Luis Valley happened to be only about forty miles south of the town where my bookstore was located. I had a lot of customers who drove up to my bookstore from the San Luis Valley because at the time there was no bookstore in the San Luis Valley. My bookstore was the closest bookstore to civilization.

The San Luis Valley is also the home to a Tibetan Buddhist Monastery and retreat — not a common thing in America. I will always remember when their white van would pull up in front of my bookstore and all the head-shaven Buddhist monks in their saffron robes would pile out and come into my bookstore to shop. That was always a good day at the bookstore because they always seemed to have a lot of money to spend on books and incense. I happened to have one of the largest selections of incense and by far the most extensive collection of Buddhist books in a 500 mile radius. (I’m not stupid.)

The San Luis Valley also happens to have the highest percentage per capita of home-based solar energy production in America according to a survey from a few years ago. The sun shines there a lot.

The San Luis Valley also happens to be a hotbed of ‘new age’ activity. Shirley MacLaine used to visit there regularly in the early 1980s. On more than one occasion I have heard the valley referred to as, ‘Woo-woo Valley.’

Perhaps most importantly, the San Luis Valley is considered as perhaps the hottest hotbed of UFO activity in the world! For some reason, the E. T.’s really like this place. There is even a tourist attraction called, UFO Watchtower.

That voice in the back of my noggin disappeared. I was all ears.

Christopher gave me the number of his rep at St. Martin’s Press. I was glad to hear that he was published by them. I had done a lot of business with that publisher and I knew a few people there. We agreed on a date for his book signing and the wheels went into motion.

At that point in time the most successful book signing I had at my bookstore sold 94 books. The average, though, was between 30 and 50 books. That was pretty good for a little bookstore in a little town out in the middle of the freaking boonies. I had one book signing that only sold four books and one of those books was bought by me. It was a total hit or miss proposition.

When I talked to Christopher O’Brien’s rep she told me that they were very high on this book. They were convinced that it would be a huge seller. They published it as an original mass market (pocket) paperback for something like $6.99. She offered to send me six cases of books with free shipping. I wouldn’t have to pay a penny for thirty days. I only had to pay for what sold and the rest I could send back at their expense. Plus, she offered an 80/20 percent advertising share. If I spent $100 in advertising they would spend $400.

I was flabbergasted! I had never been offered such an incredible deal. I had no idea how I would come up with a hundred bucks for advertising but I immediately agreed.

“Oh hell,” she said, “why don’t I send you eight cases.”

What the… “Uh, eight cases? Uh… how many are in a case?”

“Forty-eight.”

Doing some impromptu math I realized that she would be sending me close to four hundred books. My most successful book signing only sold 94 books!

I had a foreboding feeling. (Luckily that feeling proved to be wrong.)

The day of the book signing came and I had the bookstore all set up. There was a table full of hundreds of Christopher O’Brien’s book. People were directed to buy a copy then stand in line at the table where Christopher was signing the books.

I was not even remotely mentally prepared for the onslaught.

Lines formed. That is not something that happens in a little bookstore in a little town in the middle of no-fucking-where.

At one point there was a line from the front door to the front counter full of people waiting to buy the book. There was another line waiting to meet Christopher and have him sign his book. And there was another line outside of the bookstore consisting of 50 to 70 people waiting in line just to get in the freaking bookstore!

This is something I imagined only happening in big cities or in movies! It was way beyond mind-blowing!

There was a line from the front door of my bookstore stretching down the block!

It was surreal!

Mind you, at this point in my life I had never seen a UFO. I was neither pro nor con in relation to UFOs. To be honest, I didn’t really care!

But I quickly learned that there are a whole lot of people who do care! As people bought their copy of the book and awaited to have it signed they felt utterly compelled to tell me their UFO story. And they all had one! Many of them had several stories. I heard more UFO stories that day than I’ve heard all my life and enough to supply me with several lifetimes of UFO stories.

I was inundated. My head was turned. There was no way so many people could have so many UFO stories without there being some credence to it. Every story was told with such vehement conviction that I felt I was some attendee at some worldwide trial. There was obviously only one conclusion.

It turned out to be the most successful book signing I ever had. We completely sold out of the book in an hour and a half. We took names and numbers of those who didn’t get a copy, promising to reorder and get them a copy as soon as possible. We sold 384 copies and after we sold out we grew a list of around 150 people who we promised to order a copy for. It was the most outrageous book signing I’ve ever been a part of.

As Christopher O’Brien left he was mobbed like he was some kind of Beatle or something. And it was his very first book and his very first book signing!

I was so fucking jealous!

(As an author I have also participated in book signings where I was the author. The most books I’ve sold in a book signing was 47.)

When I got home that night my wife turned to me and asked, “So? How did it go?”

I looked at her very sternly and replied, “I don’t ever want to hear another UFO story again for the rest of my life!”

Her eyebrows went halfway up her forehead. Her jaw dropped. “Oh my! How did the book signing go?

I smiled, “It went FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!”

In subsequent years I have occasionally thought, Man, I should write a book of UFO stories. Maybe that could pay my rent for a month or two or three. But alas, I cannot do that. I still have never seen a UFO in my life. I don’t have any UFO stories. All I have is this lousy UFO book signing story.

Copyright by White Feather. All Rights Reserved. Stories by White Feather

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