The Biggest Well Kept Secret to Losing Your EGO: Stop Pampering
The need to untangle your belief systems comes first.
Today the Governor of Nevada announced the mandatory shut down of all non-essential businesses to combat the coronavirus. Luckily, I have been preparing for this. Monday I went and procured groceries for two weeks and yesterday I started to find old favorites to watch while knitting. As I watched a few episodes of That Girl, a show that I loved as a kid, I was amazed at all the traditional role modeling. In fact, stereotyping was the entire essence of the show.
In the episode about computer dating, the dialogue starts with Ann admitting that she is never on time. From there they go into a discussion about her weight for an article Donald is writing, about a new computer dating company. Her monologue goes something like this, “Well I take my weight in the morning. I’m supposed to weigh 100 lbs. If I weigh less than 100 I have breakfast. If I weigh more than 100 I skip breakfast. Then I weigh myself at lunchtime…”
This all takes place in the first 40 seconds of the episode. Then Ann gets jealous and starts to pout. Donald acts very complacent and assures her with his suave demeanor and says, “I’ve already found what I want. No computer can improve on my tastes.”
It’s now been a little more than 2 minutes into the episode. They kiss and make up. She smiles beautifully and he takes her out to lunch.
This episode aired on September 28, 1967. That Girl ran for 5 seasons, with 30 episodes in each season. The glorification of those stereotypes reinforced the mindset of millions.
It was the mindset of pampering.
The mindset of pampering.
“As a rule, the mind, residing in a body that has become weakened by pampering, is also weak, and where there is no strength of mind there can be no strength of soul.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Pampering can be as addictive as any drug and just as dangerous.
Pampering is an extreme or excessive indulgence.
It can be the way we treat others or the way we want to be treated.
And it isn’t honest.
Its purpose is to achieve an effect on another person's feelings. We influence those feelings toward ourselves to fulfill our own inner goals.
Sometimes pampering occurs on the level of fantasy or expectations.
Sometimes we pamper ourselves with our thoughts and patterns.
Pampering includes body language, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and imagination.
Pampering is a cultural belief.
“Experts say that children are not born criminals, nor pampered parasites: They are made that way by the environment in which they live.”—J. Edgar Hoover
Our culture conditions us to pamper each other as a normal social behavioral response.
We start learning from an early age that showering false praise on others, both friends and acquaintances, is the path to popularity, friendship, and success.
It’s prevalent in our schools, churches and social institutions.
When we pamper, we send a false message to someone.
Perhaps we are trying to go out of our way to rescue them from life’s lessons or maybe we have some other motive in mind.
Perhaps we are just too tired to take the time to explain our feelings, or don’t have the courage or conviction to say what we really mean.
Perhaps we tell someone they did a great job, when they didn’t and reinforce their decision to perform at a less than optimal level.
We give false feedback.
Maybe we tell a spoiled child how special they are.
Or worse, we find ourselves pampering because we hope by showering praises on someone else, they will, in turn, shower us with the similar unjustified praises we are craving.
Pampering can even come in the form of bribery … as a way to use other’s addiction to manipulate and get something that wouldn’t be granted otherwise.
Over time, pampering is dangerous because it supports an unrealistic perception in the mind of the pampered. It gives them feedback that isn’t true. It allows them to construct a false reality about themselves that isn’t beneficial or helpful in their life. It stunts their growth and progress.
Pampering is the ego.
It can become a pattern and a way to extract or negotiate love and manage emotions.
It binds us to the dangerous delusion of thinking we are really on the path of positive growth and evolution.
Growth and evolution are key in our relationship with God.
Pampering affects our relationship with God too.
We desire God in our lives, but really all we want is for God to pamper us.
Pampering has become insidious in our culture's belief system.
To really experience growth and evolution you have to stop pampering. You have to let go of the ego.
It’s hard to discern every aspect of pampering when we are being hit with it at every level of society. If you see enough episodes of That Girl, those behaviors just become a way of life.
We are being carried along on a stream filled with pampering and we don’t even recognize it.
The Spiritual Journey
The spiritual journey is about growth. It’s about continually moving to higher states of consciousness.
There is no journey if you have an ego. You have to let go of the ego and you have to stop pampering.
Start to notice pampering and surrender; let it go.
To be in Surrender means that we are willing to relinquish a feeling by allowing ourselves just to experience it, not to change it. Don’t resist it, modify it, vent about it, fear it, condemn it, or moralize about it.
Tips to remember when you are trying to become aware of pampering in your life.
- Be your own observer
- Be judgemental about yourself
- Ignore all thoughts
- Focus on the feeling/not the thoughts
- Start by letting go of your reaction to thoughts / Usually fear and guilt
- Just do it
You will also notice resistance
- Resistance keeps the feelings going
- The ego will resist at every turn; skepticism, forgetting, drama
- Let the resistance be there but don’t resist it
- Let go of the fear behind the resistance