The Biggest Dilemma I’m Facing When It Comes To Staying Sober
It’s a confusing place to be
I recently went to view a wedding venue and asked to see the wine list.
I figured that I’d be having a glass of wine at my wedding, surely?
The drinks list left me confused
Looking at the list, I could imagine myself with a glass of wine in hand. Sharing the day with friends and family, dancing when the band comes on.
Then I glanced down to the alcohol-free section.
One of my favourite alcohol-free drinks was on there, a blood orange fizz.
I distinctly remember feeling as though I were drinking a cocktail when I had it in the past. It’s one of the best drinks for giving me a placebo effect.
I discussed different drink options with the woman showing me around.
“Are any of your party going to be alcohol-free?”, she asked.
Well yes, me actually.
My eyes moved back to the wine list. Mostly local wines. The ones that weren’t local were transported on eco-conscious transport methods.
Will I be drinking at my wedding, or will I be sober?
The biggest dilemma I’m facing is to stay sober forever or to drink again.
Why would I go back to drinking?
Would I just be doing it to help with anxiety?
What would it bring me that I don’t have now?
Would I be able to control or limit myself?
While I promised myself that I would give it up for a full year, I’ve since questioned whether I will drink after the year is up.
I have heard people talk about how much easier it is to just stay sober, instead of making the decision every day whether to have a drink or not.
Limits could be set for how much I could drink, say once a month. In my mind that would make it easier. But how easy would it then be to slip into drinking more frequently?
Alcoholic or dependant
One of the big distinctions I try to make is between myself and an “alcoholic”.
While I certainly was dependent on alcohol and would crave a glass of wine every evening, I didn’t fall into certain problems that others faced.
But being dependent is still a problem.
It’s still a slippery slope where the cravings only increase over time. By drinking again, I could end up in the same place, if not a worse place than before.
Some people can moderate
I have heard of a few people who self-proclaim they drank “too much” and who now “rarely drink”.
Could I do this?
Maybe.
I would certainly love to be able to drink at my wedding. And perhaps on other special occasions too.
There’s a chance I can limit my intake and stick to moderation with some set rules in place so that I can sometimes enjoy a drink with friends.
But then there’s the low mental health that comes after even one evening of drinking, and I wonder whether it would even be worth it.
So this is my biggest dilemma
Whether to drink again and be strict with myself, so I can drink on very rare occasions, or whether to stay sober completely.
Both of these give me a weird feeling.
I’d be interested to hear about your experience in the comments.