The best ways to silence your inner critic
Tired of your inner critic tearing you down? Shut them up and shut them down with these sharp techniques.
by: E.B. Johnson
We all have an inner voice inside us that cautions us. For some, that voice plants careful doubt that helps us become a better version of ourselves. For others, though, this voice becomes an overwhelming source of negativity and fear that keeps them from thriving at all. Has your inner critic taken over your life and your happiness? If you want to silence them once and for all, you have to take action in the name of your future.
Critics are hard to control.
There are many natural forces in this world that we are still trying to understand and control. Hidden among these is the force of the inner critic. This is the negative voice that lives inside of us and tears us down for all the mistakes that we make (Stinckens, Lietaer & Leijssen, 2013). When we give the keys to our inner critic, they wreck our lives and steal our futures. Once you’ve opened the door to this negativity, it’s hard to close it, but it can be done with introspection and a mindful shift in perspective.
Once the inner critic is given the wheel, it’s hard to take it back.
Has your inner critic taken over your life? Is it calling the shots and running all chance of happiness into the ground for you? You’ve got to find the courage to stand up for yourself, and you’ve got to break ground on your own future. That happens by putting a stop to the endlessly negative narrative and accepting that you are a powerful and worthy person. It’s time for you to get your inner critic under control. Accept that they’re becoming a problem and put them back in the passenger seat where they belong.
Signs your inner critic is becoming a problem.
We need awareness of self to defeat our inner critic. First and foremost, we have to build this awareness to identify the patterns that are holding us back. Then, we can create a plan of action and confront our critic from the right angle to free us from its grasp.
Lashing out
Have you started lashing out at others, especially those who are perceived to achieve the success you’re working for? Our inner critic causes us to compare ourselves constantly to those around us. When we get stuck in the comparison trap, we start to believe that we’re not as worthy as the people around us. To be happy, we have to stop comparing ourselves, our success, and our relationships to everyone else in our environment.
Absolutist views
There’s no middle ground when it comes to the inner critic. When this inner voice gets too loud, we start to develop absolutist views which do nothing to help us grow or connect with others. For example, your inner voice may cause you to believe you aren’t good enough for success. So, when presented with opportunities — you automatically shut it down. Usually thinking something along the lines of, “I’m not good at that. I’m not going to try it. End of.” It’s all black and white. There’s never any trying or growing with the inner critic in charge.
Increased urgency
Have you noticed an increased urgency in your life? A rising anxiety or belief that you’re running out of time to get things right? Your inner critic may be to blame. When we give this negative inner voice power, we can notice a build of negative emotion and belief. This causes us to panic in a number of ways and react out of panic rather than good intention. Panicked reactions always lead us down the road of bad choices, disappointment, and further separation from self.
Trapped by fear
Would you consider your life to be defined by fear? Do you make all of your decisions out of a fear of what others will think, or a fear of the mistakes that you will make? Our inner critic boxes us in with fear so that they are better able to control us and protect us from the experiences they deem to be a threat (which is all of them). To live a life that’s free and yours, you have to leave behind your fear of what others will think, and your fear of failure. This journey is yours and yours alone.
Low self-esteem
Rotting self-esteem is, perhaps, the biggest sign of an inner critic that’s gotten out of control. It’s hard to keep believing in ourselves when our own inner monologue follows only the worst of us. Do you continuously run yourself down? Do you doubt yourself? Settle for poor opportunities that you know won’t satisfy you? Do you engage in self-sabotage, or risky behavior that is meant to rip you apart from the inside out? Until you take the keys away from your inner critic, they’ll continue to drive you into the wall.
Warped focus
Our inner voice is — above all else — a voice of negativity and a voice of fear. It never tells us what is good about it. It always focuses on the bad in us, and the mistakes that we make. We can’t put all of our focus into negative things and negative thoughts, then hope to build happy relationships and happy futures. By always focusing on what you got wrong, and never what you got right, you end up thinking the worst about yourself and expecting the worst of yourself at all times. You stop seeing the good in who you are and what you’re capable of.
Tearing others down
Are you someone who always tears others down? Do you diminish the successes and happiness of your loved ones, in an attempt to build yourself up? When you have low self-esteem and an out-of-control inner critic, this is what happens. In order to make yourself feel better, you try to put others below you. This destroys our relationships and isolates us from true growth and connection.
The best ways to silence your inner critic.
Are you ready to shut your inner critic up once and for all? Believe it or not, you can learn to stifle that voice and reshape the relationship you have with your inner self. By acknowledging the intention and being honest about where your fears are coming from, you can wrench power from your inner critic and send them back into the background where they really belong.
1. Acknowledge the intention
While our inner critic is overwhelmingly a negative force in our lives, it can bear some positive messages for us when we learn to study it and see it for what it is. This requires that we step outside of ourselves, though, and see our inner critic and the fear it gives us in a realistic light. We have to reshape our perspective and understanding of this critic and how they control our lives.
Acknowledge when your inner critic is coming from a good place. Imagine you were talking to a best friend administering tough love. Thank it for its words, but make the point of letting it know that you’re in charge. Intention can be appreciated without acting on the poor advice your inner critic is giving you.
When you break down our inner critic to its core, you generally find that it’s a coping mechanism. In a world that gets more emotionally taxing by the day, it’s trying to protect you from disappointment, embarrassment, upset, and hurt. While that’s an admirable pursuit, your inner critic is not a sentient being who can temper their tough love on you. They are a part of us, and we control them. Thank your inner critic and then tell them to move on and get a new hobby.
2. Cipher out the truth
Although our inner critic can be ruthless, they can also be helpful in their own way (when we learn how to reframe that voice). Even when our inner critic is needlessly cruel, there can be a hair of truth beneath the accusations they make against us. These scraps of truth can help us improve ourselves in numerous ways, and can empower us to get the help that we need.
Cipher out the truth your inner critic is concealing. Are they trying to prevent you from sliding back into heartbreak? Are they really trying to push you to do or be something better?
Push all the poisonous and toxic barbs to the side. Look beyond the mean-spirited thoughts and question yourself right into the core of where your inner critic is coming from. Is there any positive truth you can take from the doubt they’re placing in you? What spin can you put on the negativity? There’s very often a silver lining and a lesson we can get to the root of. Not always…but very often.
3. Establish more self-confidence
There can be no denying the power of self-esteem when it comes to silencing and defeating our inner critic. The inner critic comes from a weak place. They thrive when we are doubting who we are, or when we are at our lowest emotionally. Self-esteem becomes an armor which limits the inner critic. They can attack you from the back seat all they want. It doesn’t matter once you coat yourself in self-belief and self-love.
Instead of spending all your time listening to your inner critic, spend some time rebuilding your self-confidence. Your inner voice takes away your belief in self, and your belief in your abilities and your right to thrive. By establishing more self-confidence, you take power away from this critic and put it back into your own corner.
Fall in love with yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses. Learn to look back at your mistakes as learning opportunities and points of growth. You can’t hate who you are — or where you’ve come from — and hope to create a new person that you love. All of those things are a part of who you are, and who you are is capable, strong, skilled, and beautiful. Adopt journaling and new behavioral habits that help you to fall in love with the skin you’re in and the person you’re becoming.
4. Confront the reality
While we can learn to find positive lessons in our inner critic, it is also important to acknowledge that — sometimes — our inner critic is nothing more than a shadow of our hurt. Pain from the past haunts us and manifests in a number of ways. Often, the inner critic is not a means of coping and protection. It’s a means of our ghosts rising up to take our happiness from us.
Your inner critic is not fact. It does not always speak the truth, and it does not always have your best interests at heart. Sometimes, your inner critic is the voice of the people who hurt you; the trauma that’s still living in your muscles and your nerves.
Relegate your inner critic to the corners of your reality. Stop giving them the power to slide behind the curtain. You decide who you want to be. Not the people who hurt you, or the memories that haunt you. Know that your inner critic will tell you even more lies than truth and know that your inner critic can often be nothing more than your trauma in a Scooby Doo mask. Intruders don’t deserve rights in our home, and your inner critic is an intruder of the highest degree.
5. Drop the comparisons
Comparisons get us nowhere, yet we spend so much time comparing our lives, our bodies, and even our mental wellbeing to the people around us (and even the celebrities on TV). It’s a toxic pattern to get stuck in, and it’s one that will steal every ounce of well-earned happiness you struggle for. There can be no defeating your inner critic without focusing on your own journey and dropping the constant comparisons to others.
Stop comparing yourself to anyone and everyone around you. You don’t have to do things the way anyone else did them. You don’t have to achieve what others achieved, and you don’t have to route your road to success based on the decisions they made for themselves.
By letting comparisons go, you will let your inner critic go too. Comparisons are the hand of your inner critic. When you cling to them, you bring your inner critic closer to you. Have the courage to let go and focus on your own journey. You have unique skills and a unique perspective. This will change the path you take in life. Embrace your journey and embrace the unknown, knowing you have whatever it takes to overcome and triumph in this life.
Putting it all together…
We all have an inner critic that lives within us, but sometimes that inner critic gets out of control. They hold us hostage with fear and sabotage our opportunities with anxiety and self-doubt. We can’t lead a life worth living when we’re cowering in the background of our own lives. We have to take a stand and put this inner critic to bed forever if we want to be able to take charge of our happiness and our futures.
Acknowledge the intention of your inner critic and address any well meaning that may be lurking there. If there is good to take it away — take it. If there is nothing but false fear, shut it down. Cipher out the truth and be brutally honest with yourself. Lean into your self-confidence and build enough trust in yourself to no longer need the fear and the anxiety of an inner critic. You are smart and brave enough to make your own decisions. Confront reality for what it is and understand that your inner critic is not necessarily a truth-teller or a light bringer in your life. Drop the comparisons and know that this journey you are on is completely unique. You’re not responsible for following anyone else’s path or timeline.
- Stinckens, N., Lietaer, G., & Leijssen, M. (2013). Working with the inner critic: Process features and pathways to change. Person-Centered & Experiential Psychotherapies, 12(1), 59–78. doi: 10.1080/14779757.2013.767747
