The Best Ways to Find Solitude as A Single Parent

Because we need alone time to recharge.

Like many parents after a long family holiday, I usually welcome the moment when my kids head back to school.~Jose Andres

Any single stay-at-home parent knows it’s hard to carve out time alone with little kids around.

School-aged children and their parents have to adjust to holiday schedules. We often commiserate when our kids inevitably act out. Work-at-home parents have an added complication. It feels like a vacation, but it’s not.

Self-care can take a back seat when my kids are home all day. The effects stick out like a sore thumb. I get a bad attitude when I can’t fill my cup as usual.

My kids are home from school for a week. We’re new to town. They’ve never had a babysitter and our playdates are infrequent.

So here we are, all of us alone together. It’s hard to be grateful when my 4-year-old wakes me three times before 6 am. She hasn’t napped for four days straight.

I’ve grown happily accustomed to alone time when they’re in school for six hours. Now they come barging into my room unannounced as I’m about to start something. I’d let them loose at the park if it weren’t so cold.

How can we make our downtime more enjoyable for everyone? It seems hard, but not impossible to shift gears and make holidays and any other transition a better experience.

I suffered the other day because I failed to see the solutions I’m about to offer. Let’s see if we can find some relief together.

Here are some strategies and insights to ease the transition and find some golden solitude.

Wake up before your kids, or agree you’ll wake up uninterrupted.

My morning ritual is ten minutes. Unless my youngest needs help with something, they understand that’s my time. I intend to go to bed at 9 pm soon. Then I’ll be up before my kids and have quality quiet time.

It feels good to give hugs upon awakening, but I like to be by myself. After I finish my routine, I’m fresh and ready to be present for them.

Everyone’s needs are different. Sometimes it’s nice to start the day with a snuggle. Just know your boundaries and stick with them.

Spend 30 minutes or more uninterrupted time with your kids.

Consider your kids’ needs before taking a break. They’ve been away from you all day for weeks. They need your attention. So give them undivided attention for a short period. Tuck your cell phone away the entire time. Make it off-limits.

Play a board game, do a puzzle, read a book. Throw the ball around or indulge in dramatic play. Let them lead you.

Spending quality time with our kids fills their cup, which in turn liberates you. Everyone’s happy. I enjoy being with them when I know it’s not an obligation. Playing is valuable.

Take 30 minutes or more uninterrupted time alone.

Once the kids occupy themselves, it’s time to relax by yourself. You choose what you want to do. My children are ages 4 and 8, so they’ll find an independent activity for up to an hour if I’m lucky.

If your kids can’t occupy themselves with a play activity, it’s time to call in the reinforcements. It’s ok to put on a movie. I’ve found it much more acceptable to give them screen time when I’m getting work done. The shows are wholesome and commercial-free. My stress level drops when I don’t have to stop writing in the middle of a sentence every few minutes.

Whatever you allow, do it guilt-free. I’ve been one of those parents who fret over screen time. Now I choose to let it go.

You don’t have to fill your time with domestic or work-related duties. You might want to take a nap, watch a video, or read a book.

Hire a babysitter or use drop-in child care.

If you can afford to hire a child-care provider, take advantage of their services.

If you can’t afford a babysitter or child care, reach out to fellow parent friends. I had a mama friend in CA who used to swap kids all the time. She’d get everything done and find precious leisure time for herself. We were all willing to switch off watching each others’ kids for the day. It’s an ideal situation for stay-at-home or work-at-home parents since our schedules vary.

You don’t need to have someone watch your kids just because you have an obligation. Get lunch with a friend. Have a massage. Enjoy a bubble bath. Do something luxurious and relaxing. We don’t often consider the validity of leisurely activities. These things are just as important as getting our work done. We’ll be refreshed and productive upon return.

Final thoughts

Spending time alone can seem impossible. But it’s doable. Single parents have a double duty. It’s imperative to find balance.

Our lives appear to revolve around our children. It’s not true. We’re individuals with our own needs. Yes, our kids can consume much of our daily lives, but we matter, too.

Finding solitude is essential for living a balanced life and being a present, available parent. Let’s prioritize ourselves as we do our children. We’ll all get our needs met and be content. We may even have a good laugh or two.

Let’s stay in touch. You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, or my personal blog at gratefulx365.wordpress.com. Submit your amazing stories and follow my Medium publication, Gratefully Yours. Email me at [email protected].