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The Best Way to Live

Giving and taking

A large part of maturing is learning about and experiencing the vast chasm between selfishness and unselfishness. Let’s look at how our decisions to be on one side or the other can help or hurt our chances of living a great life.

What does it mean to be selfish or unselfish?

When you are young, it can be challenging to understand the concepts of selfishness and unselfishness. Yet, as you age, the difference becomes apparent. Some choose one path, and some choose the other, while most straddle both.

Looking at history, you will find the most influential people in the world are entirely on one side of the other, selfish or unselfish to the extreme. Why is this? Why indeed.

The Oxford Languages online dictionary definition of selfish, as well as unselfish, and its synonym, selfless, are:

selfish — lacking consideration for others

unselfish — willing to put the needs or wishes of others before one’s own.

selfless — concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one’s own; unselfish.

It is always helpful to look at synonyms for words to further clarify their meanings. A few for selfish include egotistic, egomaniacal, self-centered, self-obsessed, greedy, and uncharitable. A few synonyms of unselfish include selfless, altruistic, self-sacrificing, compassionate, decent, and generous.

The selfish

On the selfish side of history are figures like Hitler, Stalin, and Mao Tse-tung. They are the epitome of selfishness, as higher-ranking socialists and communists often are. I can’t imagine killing one -person, much less murdering more than 150 million as these three did. Is it not the height of selfishness to take the lives of so many?

Then there is the greed and selfishness of people like Bernie Madoff, Tom Petters, and Allen Stanford, whose Ponzi schemes stole over 30 billion dollars in cash and more than 75 billion in paper losses. Talk about being selfish!

And who can forget the selfishness of Adam and Eve, the first selfish people in the world?

The unselfish

On the unselfish side of history are figures like Mother Teresa, Gandhi, the more than 350 first responders who lost their lives on 9/11, and our countless war heroes.

Then there was one of the most unselfish people to have lived, Saul of Tarsus, a.k.a. the apostle Paul in the Bible. When you look at his life and all he went through, there is no question of his selflessness. Lastly, the most unselfish person ever to live is Jesus Christ, who died for our sins.

Can selflessness be measured?

There are many ways to examine selfishness and unselfishness, but could it ever be measured? Jesus helps us better understand what it means to be selfless in the following verses from the Bible:

“‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’

And He said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.

And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’” (Matthew 22:36–40 ESV)

Truly loving the Lord our God and our neighbor as ourselves is a sure path to selflessness. Unfortunately, it is easier said than done. Still, is there a way to gauge our selflessness more objectively? One measure is what you do with your money. In other words, where do you give it, and where do you spend it? Your answer tells you where your heart is.

In today’s world, you work to secure shelter and food for your family, so is it not selfless to work for a living to provide for them, buy a home, and transportation? Yet, there are many ways to allow selfishness in these areas. When you spend extravagantly, are you not being selfish? But then, how does one define extravagant?

What one person sees as extravagant is being thrifty to another. Human standards and such a subjective term don’t work. The only way to understand such a thing is through the eyes of our Lord. It is one of those “What would Jesus do or say” moments. The answer lies in how He defines it. His answer is beyond our ability to know, so why not give it some thought, submit it to prayer, and see what He tells you in your heart?

Beyond providing for the necessities of life, what we do with money helps us see how selfish or unselfish we are, which begs the question, “Where does the rest of my money go?”

It would seem prudent to save a portion of your money to fund your eventual retirement, yet the amount saved is debatable. Saving too little or too much could be rooted in selflessness or selfishness. Naturally, the amount is subjective, and what may be too little for one may be excessive for another. What amount of savings is too much, and how much is enough? Again, the Lord can provide you with an answer through prayer.

What about giving?

In my mind, what shows where our heart is when it comes to selflessness is in our giving. Do we tithe? Do we base our tithe on our gross or net income? Do we give offerings above this amount, and if so, how much? Can we afford to tithe, or can we afford not to tithe? So many questions!

How do you give? Giving, not to receive but to bless the church and others, is an essential part of a Christian’s life. How selfless are you in this act?

While I have always felt compelled to be obedient in giving, my motive was selfish initially. I gave partly out of fear of disobedience and partly because I thought I would receive more than I gave. I became a Christian in the early ’70s when the “charismatic” movement was coming into full swing. There was a push to give and receive, which ushered in the “name it and claim it” or “blab it and grab it” generation.

Looking back, much of the teaching at the time made some of us selfish, believing we would always get back a multiple of what we gave. There is some truth to receiving far more than you give. However, it doesn’t happen as a windfall each time. I have received far more in return by giving, but not always in dollars. This harvest has consisted of many things and has been steady over time.

Can anyone be truly selfless?

To become selfless seems like it would be easy. Look at the word “self-less,” which means less of self. If selfless means less of self, does that mean if you are “sel-fish,” you are fishy? You can be sure selfishness will smell, or rather stink, over time.

The world is a selfish place, and everyone is born with a selfish heart — as the Bible says:

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9 KJV)

Who knows where the world would be today without Christ and Christianity? I am so thankful God gives us the opportunity to have a new heart!

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26 ESV)

Selflessness, like love, is a matter of the heart and cannot be measured objectively, as no one other than God can know our hearts' intent.

Final thoughts

How can you live in complete unselfishness while on this earth? That is a question for the ages. So long as you are here, you will face temptations, and the temptation of selfishness will undoubtedly be among them.

Whether you are or are not unselfish, you can and should press on to be as selfless as possible. To strive and to press on is part of the human condition. It always has been and always will be. The good thing is so long as you press on, you know God will work in and through you to make you more like Christ.

“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14 ESV)

Striving to be unselfish is a significant part of your continuing journey to become more like Christ. May you be motivated to strive daily to become more like Him and less selfish in life.

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Bill Abbate Leadership Writer and Editor in ILLUMINATION

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