The best way for a person to change his life is to cut off the underlying relationship

At a young age, the pianist Chopin showed excellent piano playing ability.

However, many people around him always slandered him and suppressed him, some people said that his talent was just a flash in the pan, and some people ridiculed him for not having a future……

Chopin was in great pain, living with anxiety every day, and even wanted to give up his piano career at one point.

Once, he asked a friend to contact the theater, only to be sarcastically rejected by the other party.

Enraged, Chopin decided to leave his home and began to travel around Europe.

Breaking off all previous relationships, he was able to practice the piano without distractions, and eventually became a master of the generation.

reminds me of a word put forward by media person Lu Changwen: underlying relationship.

It’s a bad connected relationship, with nitpicking, blowing, dissatisfied, and unsupportive.

Once trapped in this relationship, it will consume your energy, drain your life force, and ultimately persecute your life.

The ups and downs of a person’s fate are often directly related to the relationship he is in.

And the best way to change your life is to cut off those underlying relationships in time.

01

Black hole relationship

The concept of a “black hole man” is mentioned in “Circle Breakout”:

Some people in life are like black holes, constantly emitting dark energy, swallowing the people around them in the mire.

There is always a dark cloud on them, and they tend to be pessimistic and misanthropic, and have a negative attitude towards everything.

After spending a long time with them, you will feel that everything is gloomy, your body and mind will be sluggish, and you will even lose your enthusiasm for life.

Self-media writer Li Youyou met a girl of the same age during his study abroad.

The two worked part-time at a hotel and soon became friends.

The hotel owners here are not friendly, and the slightest dissatisfaction will deduct the wages of their employees.

In order to change the status quo, Li Youyou pays attention to other job postings whenever he has free time and practices his English.

She told the girl about her plans and encouraged her to act together.

I don’t want this girl to be frustrated and say every time: I’m too stupid, I don’t have a brain, I can’t do it……

Whenever Li Youyou advised, she always had a sad face and lamented her incompetence with self-pity.

Over time, under the influence of the girl, Li Youyou also had a sense of powerlessness, and even didn’t want to work hard.

Realizing this, she took the initiative to distance herself from this girl.

After no longer interacting with each other, Li Youyou studied hard, gnawed English, practiced speaking, and it didn’t take long to find a better part-time job.

After that, she found time to read and write, and eventually became a writer.

Benjamin Franklin wrote in the Poor Charlie Almanac: A rotten apple spoils a basket of apples.

Those who are negative and pessimistic, like this rotten apple, will eventually make you infected with negative energy.

When you allow them to appear in your life, you are actually acquiescing in them to corrupt your spirit and destroy your life.

Learn to cut off the black hole type of relationship, and don’t let the people who consume your energy get close to you.

Without the intrusion of haze, your world can be full of sunshine, and life will naturally get better.

02

Cadaver-type relationship

Liu Zongyuan once compared a class of people to “corpse insects”.

This type of person has a common trait: they are jealous of the blessings of others and rejoice in the suffering of others.

There are many such people around us, even if you don’t offend him, he will be jealous of you and even want to destroy you.

If he can’t get it, you can’t think about it; He’s not doing well, you have to be worse than him.

They are always tearing down your stage behind your back and constantly digging holes in your life.

The blogger has told his own workplace story.

When he was young, he entered a hospital at the same time as a classmate, and they were both assigned to key departments.

Later, Dake was appreciated by the chief doctor, and was often invited to participate in various seminars, and his professional ability became stronger and stronger.

And that classmate has been standing still.

Once, when the department wanted to be evaluated, Dake was full of confidence, but in the end he was defeated.

He couldn’t figure it out, so he went to the department leader for details.

Only then did he know that he was defeated because someone reported that he had a problem with his usual work style.

And the one who slandered him behind his back was actually his classmate.

It turned out that Dake’s excellence always made his classmates very unhappy, so he deliberately stumbled him.

After learning about this, Dake broke off relations with his classmates.

Without the villain’s back, Dake’s work finally went smoothly and he was soon promoted to attending physician.

Bacon once said, “A man may allow a stranger to flourish, but he can never forgive the rise of a man close to him.” ”

The most despicable side of human nature is that it can’t see the good of others.

In the eyes of a selfish and jealous person, your excellence, your success, and your happiness will sting him deeply.

Whenever your life is better, they will try to pull you into the mud.

Getting along with people who are bent on demolishing your platform is like planting a bomb next to you, which will make you a big heel at any time.

In the face of this persecutive relationship, it is the greatest responsibility for oneself to cut it off as soon as possible.

03

Request-based relationships

There’s a word called “requigetative personality”:

Someone with this kind of personality wants you to revolve around him all the time and meet any of his needs anytime, anywhere.

People with a demand-seeking personality are actually extremely selfish.

They never think about others, they are self-centered, and they endlessly consume the kindness and patience of others.

Learn to cut ties with them so that you don’t get oppressed and hollowed out by others.

The owl of the writer Lao Yang wrote about the experience of an English teacher, Xiao Zhang.

Xiao Zhang and his colleague met through training, and the two shared a house together.

After living together, Xiao Zhang cooks every time, and even when he goes out to buy vegetables, the other party never takes the initiative to pay.

What’s even more devastating is that every night when I come home from work, my colleagues have to ask her for help.

Sometimes I asked her to translate a famous quote, sometimes I asked her to translate the subtitles of the video, and even asked her to help someone translate the article.

Translation requires a lot of research, which is very time-consuming and labor-intensive.

She had tried to politely refuse, but instead made the other party unhappy.

In this way, because of the requirements of his colleagues, Xiao Zhang’s work and rest time was greatly reduced, and even affected his work.

Finally, once, in unbearable condition, she turned her face directly with the other party and moved out.

Without other people’s unreasonable demands, Xiao Zhang breathed a sigh of relief.

She was able to devote herself to her work, and a few years later, she became the head of the school’s English department.

Writer Hu Xinshu said that those who love to take will only use you as a tool until they consume all your value.

In life, there are always some people, the more you accommodate, the more he asks; The more you endure, the more oppressive he becomes.

Demand-seeking people are like bloodsuckers who will not only suck your time and energy, but also eat away at your life.

In the face of greedy and ungrateful people, stay away as soon as possible.

Only by cutting off the relationship of excessive demands and preventing being overdrawn by others can you better protect yourself.

04

Negative relationships

In reality, everyone may have encountered such a situation:

As soon as he was praised by the leader, some people ridiculed “what’s the big deal about this”;

If you get a certain certificate through hard work, you are said to be “completely lucky”;

I want to try a money-making idea, but some people say, “You’re not this material, give up as soon as possible”……

Writer Li Shanglong once told about a friend of his.

This friend usually likes to hit others the most, and he always speaks openly.

Li Shanglong doesn’t pay much attention to dressing, and once a friend saw him, he actually sneered directly in public:

Look at the dress you’re wearing, it’s like picking up rags, it’s ugly.

Before Li Shanglong could reply, she said again: Those who don’t know think you are a labor prisoner.

Li Shanglong felt very uncomfortable, but he still endured it.

Another time, Li Shanglong wrote a novel and wanted to discuss it with her, but he didn’t want her to say as soon as she opened her mouth:

I felt that this was far from my expectations, and I was not interested in reading the first page.

Hearing this, Li Shanglong’s enthusiasm was extinguished at once, he couldn’t hold back any longer, and hung up the phone with a bang.

Since then, the two have not been in contact with each other.

Without the picks and blows of friends, Li Shanglong regained his interest in creation.

Well-known screenwriter Cheng Hui said:

“Don’t try to get the people who are holding you down into your life, it will only get you into a game of confidence that you are bound to lose. ”

Those who belittle and deny you will only eat away at your self-confidence and constantly pour cold water on you.

In the end, let you live a gloomy life in self-questioning.

At no time should you be approached by people who demean or deny you.

By cutting off repressive relationships and putting yourself in an environment of encouragement and affirmation, you can continue to gain energy and thrive.

I have heard a saying: “Life is the symphony of relationships.” ”

No one is an island, and everyone has to live in a variety of relationships.

A good relationship can nourish us, while a bad relationship will continue to erode our lives.