The Best Things That Can Happen to You in Your Life Can Happen Right Now
What if you had the time and the money?
Imagine This…
You’re sitting in a growth workshop and you’re surrounded by individuals who say they’re dedicated to their personal and professional development.
A coach at the front of the room instructs each of you to pick up the notepad and pen you’ve been using to jot down all the inspiring quotes and ideas that you’ve been taking in from a line-up of successful speakers.
Then the coach says this.
“When I say GO, I’d like you to quickly write down five things that you’d like more of in your life.”
Pretend you’re doing it now.
Without internal debate, what are the five items you would quickly write down in response to what you’d like to have more of in your life?
Now imagine that everyone has completed the task. Next, the coach says…
“Now, in a second column right next to this list, write down the top five things you waste, again without editing your first thoughts.”
Everyone busily begins noting their items, including you.
What items are on the list of the things you most waste? If you haven’t written them down, recite them out loud now to yourself.
The coach then asks to see a show of hands from everyone who had two or more of the same items on both lists—what they want more of and what they waste.
80% of the attendees put their hands up.
That 80% is not a made-up number. It’s the real result I’ve observed again and again when I’ve offered this exercise, face to face, to an audience of dedicated professionals.
How about you?
Did you actually do the exercise or are you skimming through the article because you don’t have enough time in your day, even though you do have time to keep skimming the article?
And if you did engage the exercise, did you have two or more repeat items on both of your lists?
If you did, you’re with the majority.
Of the 80%, more than half of them placed money and time on both of their lists.
Why would it be that for a majority of people, money and time are things they want more of, but waste when they have it?
The answer is pretty simple.
Money and time create opportunity. They’re resources that provide us with the freedom to pursue the things we most care about, that most excite us, and that bring us most to life.
But those things also scare us.
Engaging in what we most love puts us in a very vulnerable position. Expressing what is in our heart means we’ll be seen and recognized for who we really are. Some will join in and be attracted by our authenticity and passion. And there’s a good chance that others may criticize or deride our commitment.
What we feel when we openly show ourselves and then get judged for it is shame.
Human beings don’t like feeling ashamed. In fact, we avoid shame almost above all other experiences. We’ll do anything to eliminate the possibility of feeling it.
Including making sure that when we get the opportunity to pursue our hearts desire—we waste it.
“The difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I’m willing to show you. In you, it’s courage and daring. In me, it’s weakness. This is where shame comes into play.” Brene Brown
Perhaps you know someone with a dream. They want to take a trip, get in shape, start a business, find a worthy partner — and yet, every time you see them, they have endless reasons why it wasn’t an advantageous time to get started on that dream.
- They’re busy with emergencies that have been thrust upon them by others.
- They got sick.
- Their car broke down.
- A relative came to visit.
- A war broke out.
- The files with their plan got erased from their computer.
- Taxes came due.
It takes tremendous courage to actually attend to what we feel most called to do in life.
Most people never do.
That doesn’t mean they won’t pay lip service to the wish to get to their dream. They’ll complain about why it hasn’t happened. But they’re unlikely to see that in fact they are stopping themselves from pursuing what they love, because staying stuck actually feels better than the possibility of feeling shame.
The Resource of Dramatic Change
In years of offering the above exercise in public presentations, I have never had anyone report that they wish they had more necessity to take a new action.
And yet, the internal necessity that is produced by dramatic change can be one of the greatest gifts we’ll ever receive.
It’s a funny thing to realize that the most beautiful doorways that we dream of walking through are usually the ones we stand in front of and talk about, but seldom cross the threshold of.
It’s been reported that online courses that people pay for have a completion rate of between 4% and 30%. So what gets us to take action and to follow through with realizing our potential?
As it turns out, there’s another powerful resource that’s just as good, and perhaps even better than time and money when it comes to living our best lives.
That resource is necessity.
What do I mean by “necessity”? Necessity means you don’t have the option of waiting, of saying no, of hoping for an easier alternative.
When your rent is due, your kitchen is empty, your spouse is packing, or your employer is issuing warnings, you don’t have the luxury of putting off your best effort. You’ve got to get real, fast, and invest in what matters without messing around.
Times of severe challenges and dramatic change often force people into situations where they simply cannot hide their purpose any longer. They have to show up or perish in some way.
Perhaps you find yourself in that situation now.
Maybe you’ve lost your job and the business you’ve been thinking about starting for years is your only option for work. Maybe you’ve quit your job because it’s sucking your soul dry and you’re not willing to disappear for something you don’t believe in. Maybe your health has been poor, but without the health coverage you got through your company, you can’t avoid to be casual about the state of your body. Maybe you don’t have the greatest relationships with the members of your family and work was your escape, but now that you’re with them for most of each day, you have to face the habits that create separation and discord among you.
Being forced to make a change is often the only time when we’ll actually do what it takes for transformation.
The highest performers and the happiest people I know have cultivated the ability to constantly refresh their own necessity for the things they most care about.
I’m wondering how you do that for yourself.
Or how you will do that from now on.
Or is everything fine just the way it is?