The Best Party Ever

I should have stayed home

I got tired of being a security guard, and I wanted to try something different. The guard company assigned me to patrol a parking lot of an Electronic Manufacturer. It’s one of the largest employers in St. Petersburg, Florida.

Getting bit by mosquitos isn’t fun at all

The job was terrible. It was summertime. I stood or sat where people could see me. I also had to do foot patrols around the building.

The job sucked. I made friends with several of the employees. They all encouraged me to apply for a job at the company. I was tired of being eaten alive by mosquitos, so I applied for a job.

Cleaning toilets isn’t fun

I was in my early thirties, a very immature early thirties at that. Hired as a janitor, a job I hated worse than being a security guard.

The company threw killer parties

When I started working there, I heard talk about the parties the company had. The Christmas party was great, what I remember of it, which isn’t much. So I was looking forward to the annual pig roast in May.

Thank God I didn’t drive

That evening, I had my uncle drop me off at the company parking lot. I was one of the first to arrive. I immediately headed for the nearest keg.

I don’t remember the rest of the evening at all, but I must have had a great time. I know I did because some of my co-workers wouldn’t speak to me for weeks.

I was dying on the inside

I laughed off the stories I heard. “It was my evil twin.” I would reply for an apology when I heard the latest revelation of my bad behavior.

I laughed it off publicly, but I was dying inside. How could such a low-key, mellow guy be so obnoxious? The worse thing, or maybe the best thing, I remember none of it.

I was a bad, bad boy

My uncle came to pick me up in my dad’s van. I threw up all over it. Needless to say, a lot of folks were unhappy with me. I spent months apologizing.

I didn’t remember her

A few weeks later, I was working overtime on a Saturday; I was cleaning the break room. A woman was watching me; she said, “How are you doing Lawson?”

“I’m okay, do I know you?” I answered.

“We met at the Pig Roast.” She answered.

“Oh Jesus, I’m sorry,” I said as I wondered what I did to this woman I didn’t know.

“Yeah, you were pretty out there.” We talked for a few more minutes, me apologizing like mad. The sad thing is, whatever I said to her was tame compared to the other atrocities I did that night.

Folks got over it before I did

Folks got over being mad and started teasing me about it, but I vowed to never drink at a party again.

My point is, think about the consequences before you get drunk and act the fool at a company party. I deserved to get fired, and I’m surprised that didn’t happen.

I said and did other awful things that night, but I will let that be; some things are too embarrassing to talk about. I don’t drink like that anymore, and I’m glad of that.