The best gift traveling solo has taught me is that it is not what you expect.

I have recently made a list of about 15 things that solo travel taught me, and today I realized the best one was missing.

I will put the other 15 into a video and maybe a post; however, sitting in a taxi today, I realized the best gift that solo travel has taught me:

Silence and the ability to sit in silence with myself and another person.

The Greeks have a word for fear of silence; it is called:

Sedatephobia:

Which means ¨sedate, meaning silent or sleeping or dead, ¨ and Phobos, meaning the Greek God of fear, dread, or aversion.

It is believed that a traumatic or damaging experience in someone’s life causes the fear of silence.

Not exactly a mindblowing realization, but for me, it was.

Can you sit in silence with another person?

Before, I started traveling by myself, especially to countries where I could not speak the language I could not.

I always had to find something to talk about, small talk or anything, so that I would not be there with my thoughts or what other people thought of me; that was usually my thoughts.

I am alone, sitting here in a cab. Do they think it’s weird?

Are they wondering why I am alone?

Maybe I am the one who is wondering why I am alone. Every thought that I thought they thought about me, I felt about myself.

Oh wow, that was a lot of similar words, but when we are in our heads, that’s what happens mumbo jumbo, as I call it.

Why is silence so uncomfortable for us?

Today I was in a taxi on my way to a new location. I realized that I love to sit in silence. Don’t get me wrong, if I am sitting in an Uber in Colombia, I will be the first to use that time to practice my Spanish, but Colombia as a culture is known to be chatty.

Perfect if you are learning Spanish like me. Plus, it is just different if you know you know.

Georgia, they are not chatty, even if they speak English. I get in, say hello, and I get out and say goodbye. Maybe they will ask me where I am from; that is rare.

I love to sit in silence and be with my thoughts.

A few years before I started traveling, I hated to be alone. It was evident that I always had a boyfriend or was dating someone, so I could not stand being alone.

Then I started working on myself and figuring out what was wrong with me. Am I broken?

I was not in a healthy mindset; I am not sure anyone is ever broken. Yet I was convinced I was.

I started the silence slowly because if my goal were to travel alone, I would have to learn to be alone as an introvert and a shy person. Even though I am shy and introverted, I enjoy or thought I enjoyed being around other people, or at a minimum; I always had to have noise, the radio, tv, and the feeling of not being alone.

Come to find out; I just hated my own company.

My first step was silence in the car. I always used to have the radio on, to fill every moment with noise, but I stopped.

Then six months passed like that, and now I still drive silently. When I drive, it gets addicting.

Then I started taking myself out to dinner, maybe a movie or hike. It was a slow process; the ultimate test was being silent with someone else.

I have found that sitting in taxis and Uber in countries where they do not speak your language is the best practice for this.

I have also learned to be with another person and not talk; that was one thing my last relationship taught me.

It was one of the hardest and best things I ever did for myself.

I think my fear of being alone or in silence was rooted in childhood. You know the saying, if the kids are quiet, there is probably trouble a-brewin’. Maybe I thought if there were silence, something terrible would happen, the calm before the storm.

So if I were never quiet, nothing terrible would ever touch me. That was some hogwash.

I am glad I did not keep that mentality, and now I will sit perfectly silent and not speak if I do not feel like it. I no longer need to fill the void with meaningless chit-chat, but I will talk back if you talk to me.

I have wanted to put this to the test; one day, I will go to a ten-day Vipassana retreat as I have heard they are amazing. The last time I attempted to go was four years ago, and I do not think I was ready; I canceled it.

Yet now, if I found one, I would go. There may be one here in Georgia.

A good trick I have found while traveling is to have people not talk to you when you need your time. Put in your headphones, and have nothing playing.

That is what I do. Half the time, they are in my ears, with nothing but most people with not bother you.

So can you sit in silence alone or with someone, or do you feel the need to fill the space with chatter?

XOXO

S

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