The Belief which Came from Childhood Trauma

Summary

The author, a former therapist, discovers a childhood trauma-induced belief that affected their communication patterns in adulthood.

Abstract

The author, who is approaching 70 years old, shares their experience of growing up in an Air Force family where discussion and debate were rarely allowed. This upbringing instilled a belief in the author that debates with raised voices had painful consequences. Recently, the author realized how this belief affected their adult life and communication patterns, particularly during disagreements with their housemate, Barb. After discovering the issue, the author felt a sense of relief and is now more open to debating and discussing topics with Barb. The author encourages readers to reflect on their own communication patterns and consider how their childhood may have influenced them.

Opinions

The author believes that their childhood trauma negatively affected their adult life and communication patterns.
The author describes their family's communication style as dictatorial and lacking discussion or debate.
The author considers debating with raised voices as having painful consequences due to their upbringing.
The author feels a sense of relief after discovering the issue and is more open to debating and discussing topics with their housemate.
The author encourages readers to reflect on their own communication patterns and consider how their childhood may have influenced them.

How childhood terror caused problems in my adult life many decades later… and I was totally unaware

My Dad was an Air Force brat and I was born at an Air Force base. He stayed in the Air Force long enough to have his first two kids. We were raised with “Yes, Sir, No Sir; Yes, Ma’am, No, Ma’am.” Discussion was rarely allowed when we were told something. You accepted the dictums, or the consequences could be painful consequences.

I’m months away from completing my 70th trip around the sun and just discovered how this has negatively affected my life.

My housemate and I

I rent two rooms in a house owned by my housemate. We’ve been together, with a couple of other women who aren’t present that often, for two years.

Barb and I have become great friends. She’s the perfect foil for my sense of humor and loves it. Sometimes she manages using me as her foil and laughs gleefully.

We watch who-done-its together and try to guess the plot points. We also come up with our own.

When we have disagreements, we talk about them until we reach a resolution.

In the last couple of weeks, we’ve had a couple of disagreements which have caused problems for both of us.

Yesterday, as we discussed a hot topic, I discovered the problem. The problem was me.

Her family had rousing family discussions and debates. She described how they were raucous events in which everyone, including guests, participated. They had a grand time yelling over each other and getting their points across.

Yes, sometimes she didn’t feel listened to, but the pattern of debate was ingrained in her.

My life pattern, set up in childhood, was different. Debating, unless you were on the debate team at school as my middle brother was, was not allowed. My parents considered disagreements arguing and painful discipline was a definite and often used potential, especially if we attempted to debate with our parents.

The belief I acquired was that debate with raised voices, had painful consequences.

You’d think, as a former therapist of 35+ years, I would have figured this out.

Nope. We (I) can be so blind to what is happening within.

Since I came to that huge ah-ha, I’ve felt a tremendous lightness of being. I’m laughing more freely.

We’ll see what happens next time a debate about an issue occurs. It’s only a matter of time.

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

The Belief which Came from Childhood Trauma

How childhood terror caused problems in my adult life many decades later… and I was totally unaware

My housemate and I

The role of childhood