The Battle of the Earring
A dad surrenders, but makes his point
A guy friend in college decided to pierce his ear: nothing fancy or flashy or gauged, a reasonably plain piercing.
His Dad was very much against guys wearing earrings, and when my friend lived at home, he had forbidden it. Now the son was living away from home, and away from his Dad, he took the opportunity to get that ear pierced.
It came time for my friend’s first trip home after he got the piercing. He was nervous about the arguments he knew they were sure to have.
When he came back to school, we all were waiting for the fight recap. When we asked him what his Dad said, he started laughing.
“He didn’t say a word,” he said, “he just went upstairs.”
When his Dad came downstairs, he was wearing a clip-on earring from his mom’s jewelry box. His Dad wore it the whole time my friend was home for break. In the house and out. Not a word was spoken by either about their earrings, though my friend laughed a lot. His Dad played it deadpan.
I love this Dad. Sometimes battles are not meant to be fought. Their whole week could have been spent yelling and screaming with each other about that earring, It could have been a major power struggle, and the Dad could have asked that he remove it in his house. I have seen parents do worse. But he didn’t. He didn’t engage in a battle. With humor, he told his son his thoughts. He was willing even to be a bit silly to prove his point. Instead of deteriorating, their relationship was even better as a result.
I suspect the Dad recognized now he was in college, it was his son’s right to do with his body whatever he wanted. Since it had already happened and the earring was in there, he knew he was beaten. But Dad struck a blow anyway. He was not going to let it go by totally unnoticed.
Little did he know, to his son and his son’s friends, he became a bit of a legend. We all took away a very valuable lesson. Sometimes humor gets your message across better than 10,000 harsh words.
My friend was not getting rid of the earring, regardless of his Dad’s reaction. He knew what his Dad’s opinion was before getting it, but chose it to be an issue about which they would disagree.
In a world of anger over the slightest difference of opinion, we can learn a lot from this Dad. When it gets down to it, some decisions are not yours to make. There are some battles not worth fighting. Concede with humor, instead of letting them drive a wedge.
Relationships matter.
