avatarWilliam Mersey

Summary

The narrative recounts the author's experiences with bartenders in New York City's East Village and draws a parallel to a current encounter with an escort who is infatuated with her long-distance boyfriend.

Abstract

The author reflects on his past as a cab driver and regular patron at several iconic East Village bars, where he observed the dynamics between bartenders and patrons. Despite the lavish tips from hopeful men, the bartenders remained emotionally unattainable, much like the escort the author visits who is smitten with her boyfriend despite her profession. The story serves as a cautionary tale about the misconception that interactions with escorts can evolve into meaningful relationships, emphasizing the importance of recognizing the boundaries of such encounters.

Opinions

  • The author believes that the hopeful patrons' attempts to win the bartenders' affections were futile and comparable to playing the lottery.
  • He suggests that the emotional connection between the escort and her boyfriend is an exception rather than the rule in her line of work.
  • The author advises readers to maintain a level of discretion and not confuse lust with love, especially in transactions with escorts.
  • He implies that developing genuine feelings for someone in the service industry, such as a bartender or escort, is challenging and often not reciprocated.
  • The author reminisces about the past with a sense of nostalgia but also with the wisdom of hindsight, cautioning against the romanticization of such relationships.

The Bartender’s Boyfriend

Not the physical paragon you’d think

photo by author

A cautionary tale from back in my adult ad-selling days.

Back when I was the neighborhood cab driver, there were just a few places you could find me. I was either driving…sleeping…fishing…hunkered down in a lap dance joint…or hanging out in an East Village bar tryin’ to get laid.

And as a regular at legendary East Village oases the likes of Downtown Beirut, The Village Idiot and later…The Coyote Ugly, I was friendly with most of the bartenders, all of whom were pretty hot (that’s why they got hired).

We had a lot in common. Like…we were all in the service industry — and all had stories about horrible customers who drove us to distraction. Plus, I drove a lot of them home at 5 AM!

Anyway…I used to love watching these girls operate — working their magic on all the patrons. There must have been 50 guys who would tip lavishly hoping against all odds that they would be that one dude who’d become the bartender’s boyfriend.

I knew pushing the issue with any of these girls was a waste of time. But the 50 guys didn’t. They might as well have played the lottery with their gratuities. They’d have had a better chance at winning a million bucks than the heart of one of those stone-cold drink-slingers! Those days are long gone for me but just recently, a random event at one of my customer’s places of business brought back the memories.

The girl I was visiting is a crowd favorite on the review boards. Guys rave about her performance constantly, and I can tell some have developed a little crush on Miss Honey.

During our visit, the girl’s phone rang with her building super on the other end calling to say he’d be arriving Monday morning at 10 AM to paint her apartment.

So I asked the benign question “you live in Flushing like everybody else?” (A great majority of Korean escorts in New York City lived in that Queens neighborhood.)

But she responded “no…Los Angeles,” and then shoved her phone my way to show me a photo of some nondescript guy. I looked up to see the face of a little girl in love and I knew THIS WAS THE BARTENDER’S BOYFRIEND!

He may have been 3000 miles away. And she may be an escort “entertaining” multiple guys per day. But nobody or nothing really had a grip on her heart except this nondescript guy.

And it brought me back to the parallel world of those bodacious bartenders…all the guys who frothed for them…and the lucky buckeroo who somehow lassoed one of their hearts.

I tell this as a cautionary tale to those who would think that their interaction with a hired escort is anything beyond the obvious. Yes, a lucky guy could occasionally hit the lottery and live the “pretty woman” dream.

But consider the prize — which more often than not is an overused vehicle — loaded with baggage — traveling down the road on treadless tires. A slippery slope indeed, I’m sure we can all agree.

Hence, I repeat. Have your fun! And then just leave it at that. On balance, you’ll be better off for your level-headed discretion. Lust can often be taken for love by a testosterone-fueled fool — whether he’s hitting on an East Village bartender — or dropping 200 bucks at a you-know-what. Just my two cents for a sleepy Sunday.

A few of my best stories that aren’t about escorts:

Korean
Sex Work
Relationships
Culture
Psychology
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