The Balm I Found Inside: Healing

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nderneath. I needed answers about my behavior, and it was all tangled up beneath the surface. I dissected and analyzed every jagged piece I found and saw what piece matched with the other. Trauma can be like puzzle pieces that got mixed up in other puzzles.After putting several puzzles together, I discovered what we call self-hatred. I isolated myself because I didn’t feel worthy of the love of other people. I recognized how ugly my self-talk was. I afforded everyone else compassion and loyalty, but never offered it to myself. I would betray my needs without a second thought, and I talked coarsely to myself whenever I was less than. I never told myself, “Hey, it’ll be fine. You do not have to be perfect. Why don’t you go and get a nice cup of tea?” Instead, my language was accusatory, belittling, and abusive. I withhold the basics of love from myself, but I gave my

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all to everything else around me. Realizing these things sent me into a moment of denial, but I eventually accepted that I was my own worst enemy and began the real journey to self-love.Changing the language, we use with ourselves opens the door to make gradual progress with how you perform in the world and in your inner world. Your demeanor becomes relaxed, and you let go of the need to over perform when you accept yourself as is. The love you now offer to yourself creates an abundance that renders me speechless. You have more compassion to give, and the sense of depletion dissipates because you offer yourself grace every morning. I challenge us all here on this form to commit to healing what lurks inside. I know the accountability and acceptance that comes with shadow work can be harrowing, but the results are worth more than you can imagine.</article></body>

For Bingz Huang on the Word of the Year.

After making a violent exodus from a doomed romantic relationship, I made the decision to commit myself to a season of shadow work. After the dust settled from my departure, I found myself in a highly volatile state of mind. I was no longer reacting normally to everyday experiences, and I knew the work must be done. I began digging in places my subconscious covered due to trauma and unpacked all the darkness underneath. I needed answers about my behavior, and it was all tangled up beneath the surface. I dissected and analyzed every jagged piece I found and saw what piece matched with the other. Trauma can be like puzzle pieces that got mixed up in other puzzles.

After putting several puzzles together, I discovered what we call self-hatred. I isolated myself because I didn’t feel worthy of the love of other people. I recognized how ugly my self-talk was. I afforded everyone else compassion and loyalty, but never offered it to myself. I would betray my needs without a second thought, and I talked coarsely to myself whenever I was less than. I never told myself, “Hey, it’ll be fine. You do not have to be perfect. Why don’t you go and get a nice cup of tea?” Instead, my language was accusatory, belittling, and abusive. I withhold the basics of love from myself, but I gave my all to everything else around me. Realizing these things sent me into a moment of denial, but I eventually accepted that I was my own worst enemy and began the real journey to self-love.

Changing the language, we use with ourselves opens the door to make gradual progress with how you perform in the world and in your inner world. Your demeanor becomes relaxed, and you let go of the need to over perform when you accept yourself as is. The love you now offer to yourself creates an abundance that renders me speechless. You have more compassion to give, and the sense of depletion dissipates because you offer yourself grace every morning. I challenge us all here on this form to commit to healing what lurks inside. I know the accountability and acceptance that comes with shadow work can be harrowing, but the results are worth more than you can imagine.