The Art of Self-Promotion

And why I am failing at it.

I am having an existential crisis. I have written more, followed more, read more and commented more in the last 5 weeks, than I have in the previous 273 months of my life and it feels like I have gained 3 new followers. It may be 7, but I think several of them clicked on my profile by mistake That is an increase of what — 0.00014% in followers over the past 2 months? At this rate I will have reached 400 followers by 2079. Of course, I will have had to leave my forwarding address for my next life, but at least I’ll know I reached that milestone.

I know, I shouldn’t slavishly follow statistics. In fact, I fucking hate statistics. I have lived a life chasing them, and existing by their rise and fall and I can’t do it anymore!

And yet, by God there is always an, And Yet … I can’t help but look at what I am doing as less than, because numbers don’t lie… right?

Theodore Roosevelt once brilliantly stated that… Comparison is the Thief of Joy. Well, that sucker has been camping out in my living room for the last few weeks and he is fucking driving me crazy.

Every day I wake up and think … what can I write today? What ideas, notions, bits and pieces of my life can I share with others and then the fingers fly. The words pour out of me and I feel fantastic. I think, this is good shit. Not very articulate, but at 7:00 am, that’s as good as it gets. And I’m completely chuffed by the whole experience. Words by the hundreds, appearing on paper.

So, with the advent of Illumination, I hit a few keys and Bob’s your uncle — I’m published. Magic. Then I read and comment and use those self-same words to encourage others to write more, read more, feel better, feel stronger and all of this gives me, of course it does, even more ideas and … I’m back to writing a new article.

On and on it has gone and what do I do … I check my stats. At first, I thought — shit, they went down. I have fewer effing followers than I did two weeks ago, how is that possible? Are there penalties for doing something wrong on Medium? Do they actually take followers away from you if you’re not tracking with the rules? Then I realized I was on the wrong page.

Whew! Relief rushed in. I checked again, yep; followers were up … by 2.

I cried — almost. I was incredulous. I got up from my desk. I sat back down. I got up again and went outside and started throwing rocks at my neighbor’s house. It was early, so he would think it’s that damn squirrel. I felt an old feeling rushing in. And old friendly face from prior years when the shit was hitting the fan on a daily basis and life, was one fucking Andy Warhol newsreel non-stop.

Self-pity, meet Joe Luca.

I had joked a few months ago to a Medium customer service rep that … well, I wasn’t exactly joking, I just didn’t think that by telling him the unedited truth at that moment in time I would help my future prospects of ever getting fucking curated on Medium! Moving on … I told him that I would have better views if I posted my articles on the telephone pole in front of my house and had strangers read them before and after picking up their dog’s poop from my front lawn.

I didn’t hear back.

So, the title of this article — The Art of Self-Promotion. What does it have to do with the crisis I am experiencing?

My head tells me, no one knows who you are or what you’re writing.

My heart responds. I’ve been writing non-stop for the last fucking 48 years. I have written (I actually figured this out) over 4 million words in my lifetime in stories, articles (many actually published in magazines) training manuals, screenplays, memos, poems, post-it notes to my wife and to those people who took my parking spaces at work.

Some brilliant prose. Some nondescript educational chum that I had to write because I was between jobs and needed the money that the freelance people had arranged for me to make. Sorry about that, but I tried to be funny.

I write all the time. I talk all the time — it’s what I do for a living when not isolated and keeping myself socially distant from every other damn human being within a 25- mile radius.

I’m intelligent (really), articulate, socially adept (most often) and actually care about others to the point of wanting to share my experiences with everyone, anyone who is willing to listen. Not because I’m so smart, but because I went through Hell, stayed at a really bad bed and breakfast there and worked my way out of it and lived to talk about my experience.

BUT … I have a hard time self-promoting. I defer to others when taking credit. No, I’m not that person sitting quietly in a corner, head down, letting everyone get the glory. I just don’t let everyone know that it was my blueprint that everyone followed. My insight gained from the aforementioned trek through Hell, that gave me the will, the persistence, the (where the fuck does this come from) ability to get up in the morning and do it all over again. With a smile of my face and the will to continue.

But talk about it. Nah. Get on Facebook and show pictures of it … unlikely. Tweet to my other set of followers (0) about what I’m doing this week in isolation. Sigh. Not that either. I write instead.

I go back to my desk. I stare at my screen. I pretend that the tears in my eyes are from the LA smog, but then realize that with so few cars on the road, the air as been clear and fresh. So, it’s my food allergies kicking in again. And I start. I read some articles. I clap — a lot. I write more comments and try to be helpful and encouraging and see the faces on their profiles and think — most of them are younger than me and have a lot of time ahead of them to get it right. So, I’ll lend a hand.

Self-pity get the fuck out of my head.

Then I read the posit-its on my monitor — I’m sorry, I love fucking post-its and have them everywhere. They are an extension of my mind — and I look at ideas I’ve had over the last week and think — I can write this. And I do.

But my head says — you’ve done nothing different. People still don’t know who you are. My head can be a real asshole at times. Telling me what I already know. Pointing out what has already been pointed out — by him — 117 times over the last freaking week.

But he’s right. This time he’s right.

I must self-promote. I must figure out Twitter and LinkedIn and Facebook and start the process of moving beyond the telephone pole out front.

I need to get over whatever fears or inhibitions exist.

(I’m waiting here quietly for someone to tell me, nah, forget it. You don’t have to do it. Having 13 followers after a year on Medium means nothing. It’s okay.)

I didn’t hear a word, so I’m moving on with this.

Here is my statement as a newly minted self-promoting lifetime writer, who just likes being read.

Dear Reader … (Too formal?)

Hello …

You know who I am, it’s at the top, just under the headline. You also know what this is about … also at the top. What you don’t know is that I have never been that good at self-promoting. I have always felt that my work, my efforts, my fucking (sorry) ability to bend over backwards to get something done, and work at it until I am the last man standing and am surrounded by the exhausted bodies of those who tried … would be enough.

Apparently, I’ve been wrong. Making oneself known, is not only a nice thing to do, but at times absolutely vital to a person’s well-being. In this instance — mine.

And while I admit, that I rather suck at this, I will not compromise on doing this the right way. No stepping over bodies. No maligning others. Just a call for assistance where it can be given.

So, read my work. Once, twice, halfway through, it’s okay. Share it if you like, with your many, many more followers than I have. (Too on the nose?)

If you have a suggestion — I will listen and be grateful.

For those who have already been kind beyond words and have commented and liked and clapped and otherwise made this man very happy and proud to know you — thank you! Really, thank you!

So … off it goes. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. That I didn’t have doubts about this. But the alternative is to do the same thing and expect a different result. I’ve worked too hard to turn my head away at the last minute.

Here are some of my other articles noted below. Read them, share them; print them off and use them as place mats for a grand lunch. All I ask is that through example, you show me how this self-promotion thing needs to work.