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Abstract

nsplash</a></figcaption></figure>Well, here’s the thing, JOY IS OUR BIRTHRIGHT and I know I’ve heard that somewhere from someone and it STUCK. Plus, I have evidence of it growing up as I remember my little girl making puppets out of Buckeye’s and putting on a puppet show for my parents. Being a child invoked such sweet simplicity.What’s not so simple NOW is the degree of complication with which I live my life as if it makes me somehow important. Well then who gets to be important I ask, it’s my mind and ego. And my mind and ego run the show much of the time it seems.So as I am listening to my partner talk about his day and share the not so good stuff I have to take a step back and ask myself, “am I listening with my ego and mind?” When I listen with my ego or mind then I am JUDGING HIM and I am getting more contracted in my body as a result. It just feels gross!What if the elusive JOY I am looking for is not something that someone has to present to me in a way that feels good, but rather is more about the way in which I choose to receive it? And there it is, the answer to the Holy Grail.Here’s how this works. Listening to the Sucky stuff and then repeating that I heard the Sucky stuff with an apologetic “I am sorry that that was your experience today” is all that is required. People just want to be heard. And if I continually push against hearing that not so pleasant stuff it tends to get louder and makes me want to run away.I am always SURPRISED when I repeat back the experience to my partner and offer my condolences because he usually says, “oh that’s ok” with some manner of “that’s life” or “it will work out”, or “it’s not a big deal now”.WHAT??? You mean all I have to do is hear him, repeat back to him without judging or fixing and offering a sincere sorry and he is just going to resolve this on his own? You BET! Because it happens 99% of the time!What I have discovered as a result of this exercise is something I like to call “LISTENING WITH MY HEART.”Listening with my heart is a long lost art form these days. And no one knows how to do it because it’s not what’s required to live safely here at least that’s what I’ve been led to believe.

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I was not trained or socialized to be heart-based. I was educated to “THINK”. Thinking that is stinking that is for sure.How can I of good conscious effect change if it is not coming from my heart? Thinking is what got me into this mess and being heart-based is what will get me out! Listening with my heart has got me out of so many sticky situations and has even saved some relationships for me.<figure id="3d34"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*BGVstLfUkxfgP4m7"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@kellysikkema?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Kelly Sikkema</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>Listening with my heart continues to be my training ground for listening to others with compassion. And just like that, this thing called JOY starts to seep in because this kind of listening elicits a platform for BEING HEARD. Being Heard is what it’s all about because it is one of the kindest acts of love I can be for other people including myself.There is such a deep satisfaction when people are heard and received. It’s like having the keys to the castle. And oftentimes it’s the only thing that is required to change a situation. Yes, it can be that SIMPLE.Because here’s the thing, most people have all of the answers to what has to be done to create the change they are looking for. What’s missing oftentimes is the courage to move forward. And that courage to move forward is found in being heard.Somebody, PLEASE hear ME, PLEASE see ME, please let me know that I am OK even when I think I am not. This form of kindness does more for a person than I ever realized possible. For me, it reaches down deep into my soul and says HEY I MATTER TOO.So maybe what I mean when I say I am tired of hearing people complain about what is happening to them is ME JUST HEARING on a deeper level their PAIN. Yes, the PAIN that is invoked by not being heard. What if I can be that person today that SEE’s and ACKNOWLEDGES them in a way life couldn’t? And what if more people engaged in this activity? My gut tells it could be a way cooler planet.Thank You for Reading!</article></body>

The Art of Listening Even It’s Painful to Hear

Please Let Me Know That I Am OK Even When I Think I Am Not!

I grow tired of listening to people complaining about the bad stuff in life that is HAPPENING to them. And YES, I get it, life can suck sometimes. But, does talking about the sucky stuff all the time contribute to our lives in any meaningful way? My knee jerk answer is NO!!

And still, I find myself scratching my head wondering, what is it about human suffering that is more worthwhile to talk about than the moments of JOY we experience during the day, the week, or the month?

It’s as if Joy is nowhere to be found. And it leads me to believe that maybe we can’t talk about JOY because it does not exist. What if Joy is just a make-believe fairy tale that only lives in the realm of children before we tell them to hurry up and grow up?

And as this unravels more, I find myself asking what is it that I am wanting from people that compels them to share the parts of their life that suck?

I beg and plead with my partner to show me what’s working for him and most of the time I get to hear about the stuff that sucks for him that day. Don’t get me wrong, I love him and want to be there for him through all of it. However, when does being there for him mean that I have to constantly hear about the sucky stuff?

Sucky stuff happens but it does not mean that it has to be the main focus of our conversations? It has me starting to wonder JOY, JOY, JOY, where did you go, my friend? Do we have a right to be happy and talk about it?

Well, here’s the thing, JOY IS OUR BIRTHRIGHT and I know I’ve heard that somewhere from someone and it STUCK. Plus, I have evidence of it growing up as I remember my little girl making puppets out of Buckeye’s and putting on a puppet show for my parents. Being a child invoked such sweet simplicity.

What’s not so simple NOW is the degree of complication with which I live my life as if it makes me somehow important. Well then who gets to be important I ask, it’s my mind and ego. And my mind and ego run the show much of the time it seems.

So as I am listening to my partner talk about his day and share the not so good stuff I have to take a step back and ask myself, “am I listening with my ego and mind?” When I listen with my ego or mind then I am JUDGING HIM and I am getting more contracted in my body as a result. It just feels gross!

What if the elusive JOY I am looking for is not something that someone has to present to me in a way that feels good, but rather is more about the way in which I choose to receive it? And there it is, the answer to the Holy Grail.

Here’s how this works. Listening to the Sucky stuff and then repeating that I heard the Sucky stuff with an apologetic “I am sorry that that was your experience today” is all that is required. People just want to be heard. And if I continually push against hearing that not so pleasant stuff it tends to get louder and makes me want to run away.

I am always SURPRISED when I repeat back the experience to my partner and offer my condolences because he usually says, “oh that’s ok” with some manner of “that’s life” or “it will work out”, or “it’s not a big deal now”.

WHAT??? You mean all I have to do is hear him, repeat back to him without judging or fixing and offering a sincere sorry and he is just going to resolve this on his own? You BET! Because it happens 99% of the time!

What I have discovered as a result of this exercise is something I like to call “LISTENING WITH MY HEART.”

Listening with my heart is a long lost art form these days. And no one knows how to do it because it’s not what’s required to live safely here at least that’s what I’ve been led to believe. I was not trained or socialized to be heart-based. I was educated to “THINK”. Thinking that is stinking that is for sure.

How can I of good conscious effect change if it is not coming from my heart? Thinking is what got me into this mess and being heart-based is what will get me out! Listening with my heart has got me out of so many sticky situations and has even saved some relationships for me.

Listening with my heart continues to be my training ground for listening to others with compassion. And just like that, this thing called JOY starts to seep in because this kind of listening elicits a platform for BEING HEARD. Being Heard is what it’s all about because it is one of the kindest acts of love I can be for other people including myself.

There is such a deep satisfaction when people are heard and received. It’s like having the keys to the castle. And oftentimes it’s the only thing that is required to change a situation. Yes, it can be that SIMPLE.

Because here’s the thing, most people have all of the answers to what has to be done to create the change they are looking for. What’s missing oftentimes is the courage to move forward. And that courage to move forward is found in being heard.

Somebody, PLEASE hear ME, PLEASE see ME, please let me know that I am OK even when I think I am not. This form of kindness does more for a person than I ever realized possible. For me, it reaches down deep into my soul and says HEY I MATTER TOO.

So maybe what I mean when I say I am tired of hearing people complain about what is happening to them is ME JUST HEARING on a deeper level their PAIN. Yes, the PAIN that is invoked by not being heard. What if I can be that person today that SEE’s and ACKNOWLEDGES them in a way life couldn’t? And what if more people engaged in this activity? My gut tells it could be a way cooler planet.

Thank You for Reading!