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Abstract

um.com/are-our-experiences-really-our-own-195284bca0e5"> <div> <div> <h2>Are Our Experiences Really Our Own?</h2> <div><h3>A small question that can lead to a great answer</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*vKPpzOgNWmrgCKxi3Dl0uQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="3691">And, with this incessant living but devoid of any logical sense, we lose the ability to exercise an art. And I call it art because of its rarity and because of the capacity that seems to me to be necessary to put it into practice. Yes, I put art on this isolated pedestal. But this is a conversation for another day.</p><h2 id="1635">The magnanimous art of knowing how to get out</h2><p id="1fe6">Living in a constant climate of more, more, more, the idea of leaving, the idea of an end, the idea, perhaps the most fundamental, of being enough, is almost non-existent or, on the other hand, it exists but nobody pays attention to it.</p><p id="c3d0">Nobody wants to miss the train of life, to risk being left behind. Two hours offline is enough to have, right away, a feeling that “we are missing something”.</p><figure id="d808"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*qGajdh03KrZc2lQH0I41QA.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@camstejim?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">camilo jimenez</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/social-media?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="cbe0">We want to be the last ones to leave the disco, the café, the concert, the cinema, because there might always be something else interesting to register, to experience.</p><p id="17b8">From a purely theoretical point of view, it’s not that there is anything wrong with this perspective. But in practice, what happens is that it becomes another factor in the loss of control over our own lives.</p><div id="9d3f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/we-need-to-think-slowly-615c14883265"> <div> <div> <h2>We Need to Think Slowly</h2> <div><h3>The cure for the immediacy</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*2_4-KnYPDMSsGobhXMe_RA.jpeg)"></div>

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  </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><p id="aacb">We find it difficult to perceive the validity of things, and we think, perhaps, that everything is forever, because the present moment seems too eternal. We are so plugged in, so frantic, that we lose track of the possible linearity of time (another conversation for another day) or simply when it is supposed, necessary, or possible to stop. To simply stop. To say no. To say “enough is enough”.</p><p id="6c5d">I<a href="https://readmedium.com/how-ive-dealt-with-my-anxiety-6d61fdd3b600"> believe that many psychological problems, anxiety disorders, burnouts, and the like, come precisely from this inability to stop.</a></p><p id="df87">No, we don’t have to continue in the same job that doesn’t fulfill us for life.</p><p id="18c9">No, we don’t have to continue in a toxic relationship just because so many years have passed that we don’t even see our individuality anymore.</p><p id="d0ac">No, we don’t have to be online all the time, we don’t have to go to all the social gatherings, we don’t even have to continually respond to all the notifications, invitations, ringtones, e-mails, messages, in short, all the panoply of little distractions they invented to keep us entertained.</p><div id="e943" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-question-of-the-self-d4621a820b03">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>The Question of the Self</h2>
            <div><h3>Practicing detachment from ourselves</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
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            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*pAJSLZqdF4cvLOykzk8cVA.jpeg)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><p id="7a1f">As if life, the real, tangible life, the one that gives us the sense of wonder we lost as children, couldn’t entertain us enough. It’s enough to be attentive. After all, as Saramago said:</p><blockquote id="f8f7"><p>If you can look, see. If you can see, notice.</p></blockquote><p id="df1e">We are zombies wandering through a semi-fictitious life in which we only see our feet.</p><p id="96b5"><b>But we don’t have to be.</b></p><h2 id="c924">Before you go…</h2><p id="d277"><i>Did you enjoy reading my story? How about becoming a member here on Medium? Your membership fee, only 5$/month, will give you the opportunity to read all the stories you want while supporting me and other writers to continue to bring you insights every day. <a href="https://medium.com/@cesarfsalves/membership">Click here to become a member.</a></i></p></article></body>

Philosophy | Society | Life Advice

The Art of Knowing How To Leave

Fighting the fear of missing out

What do José Mourinho, the 2004 Champions League, and social media have in common?

When, in 2004, FC Porto won the Champions League, with José Mourinho, an image stayed in my head forever. Being 8 years old at the time, I don’t know if my first memory of the facts dates back to the day of the final, or to a later viewing on the Internet.

But, what matters, then, is that image: Mourinho’s practically non-existent celebration, having just won the most prestigious club competition in the world.

I was struck by this image by how little sense it would seem to make.

How is it that someone who reaches the top, in his area, doesn’t show any kind of reaction? Doesn’t jump, scream, or whine? To raise these questions was to see me in them, because my reaction, in that context, would be something like that.

And, for a long time, this image was sedimented in my mind as a kind of secret for success:

always wanting more;
being goal-oriented;
always focused on the next, the next, the next;

I know that there were theories that he already had his mind set on another club (which ends up being the same thing), or that he was upset with the fans, with the threats. Folklore that means little to me. My focus was, and is, on the winning tenacity of the Portuguese coach.

And I have been thinking about this story recently because it seems to me that we, as a society, have gone to a frightening extreme of a somewhat similar perspective to Mourinho in 2004.

If in him we could see the focus of a winner, nowadays we witness a zombie-like thirst for more, more, more, more information, more coverage, more engagement, more likes, more everything.

The unbridled pace of these days turns us into a kind of digital zombies (and not only), in an absolute absence of control over our own lives, walking at the whim of everything and nothing.

Are Our Experiences Really Our Own?

A small question that can lead to a great answer

medium.com

And, with this incessant living but devoid of any logical sense, we lose the ability to exercise an art. And I call it art because of its rarity and because of the capacity that seems to me to be necessary to put it into practice. Yes, I put art on this isolated pedestal. But this is a conversation for another day.

The magnanimous art of knowing how to get out

Living in a constant climate of more, more, more, the idea of leaving, the idea of an end, the idea, perhaps the most fundamental, of being enough, is almost non-existent or, on the other hand, it exists but nobody pays attention to it.

Nobody wants to miss the train of life, to risk being left behind. Two hours offline is enough to have, right away, a feeling that “we are missing something”.

We want to be the last ones to leave the disco, the café, the concert, the cinema, because there might always be something else interesting to register, to experience.

From a purely theoretical point of view, it’s not that there is anything wrong with this perspective. But in practice, what happens is that it becomes another factor in the loss of control over our own lives.

We Need to Think Slowly

The cure for the immediacy

medium.com

We find it difficult to perceive the validity of things, and we think, perhaps, that everything is forever, because the present moment seems too eternal. We are so plugged in, so frantic, that we lose track of the possible linearity of time (another conversation for another day) or simply when it is supposed, necessary, or possible to stop. To simply stop. To say no. To say “enough is enough”.

I believe that many psychological problems, anxiety disorders, burnouts, and the like, come precisely from this inability to stop.

No, we don’t have to continue in the same job that doesn’t fulfill us for life.

No, we don’t have to continue in a toxic relationship just because so many years have passed that we don’t even see our individuality anymore.

No, we don’t have to be online all the time, we don’t have to go to all the social gatherings, we don’t even have to continually respond to all the notifications, invitations, ringtones, e-mails, messages, in short, all the panoply of little distractions they invented to keep us entertained.

The Question of the Self

Practicing detachment from ourselves

medium.com

As if life, the real, tangible life, the one that gives us the sense of wonder we lost as children, couldn’t entertain us enough. It’s enough to be attentive. After all, as Saramago said:

If you can look, see. If you can see, notice.

We are zombies wandering through a semi-fictitious life in which we only see our feet.

But we don’t have to be.

Before you go…

Did you enjoy reading my story? How about becoming a member here on Medium? Your membership fee, only 5$/month, will give you the opportunity to read all the stories you want while supporting me and other writers to continue to bring you insights every day. Click here to become a member.