The Art of Acceptance

The journey to self-actualization, contentment and empowerment

Most of humankind is driven by the sheer need for contentment. It varies greatly from person to person what contentment means or includes. However, a lot of it revolves around the achievement of something or other. To put it in one word — goals.

But, then, is that all? Sometimes, you have made tons of money. Sometimes, you have become everything you have ever wished for. And yet some other times, you have come far in terms of experience and self-actualization. But ever felt like, no, this is just not all? Something is left behind. Something is incomplete. Someone is doing things wrong. I feel incomplete.

On the other side of the flat coin called life, you might not have made it big, you might be yet to begin your journey and you might have no idea where you are headed. Alternately, you might be simply disappointed by certain people. Your expectations were not fulfilled. Your goals remain underachieved, dreams unrealized and life, untouched.

You are, in short, discontent. Let me rewrite what I wrote earlier — most of humankind is driven by sheer discontentment. Discontentment sounds heavy. It does feel heavy, too, if you have ever been there. But why is it so prevalent? Enough to run the world?

I believe what we are looking at is an absence of acceptance. Acceptance is replaced by adjustments, compromises and sacrifices. Acceptance is replaced by judgements and prejudices. Acceptance is chided by wrong self-concepts and attribution.

The change

Discontentment is bitter. It goes without saying. And it needs to be changed. The only direction it is possible is from inside out.

I can speak of discontentment because, well, obviously, I have been there, too — strongly so, being a creative person with haphazard priorities and disorganization. Then I discovered the power of acceptance. It was a very slow process. Once the art of acceptance was learned, life flipped over. It has been better ever since. It has been less spiteful, less discontent and more productive. And yes, happier.

So, what’s the process? How do we install Acceptance in our mind?

Any change to our state of mind, our perceptions and perspectives is an inside job. Like happiness, ambition, understanding and healing, acceptance is a state of mind that we have to achieve by speaking to ourselves.

The desire to change the way we take things is a prerequisite for installing Acceptance 1.0 in our life. Nobody is perfect. And perfection is a lost pursuit in this imperfect and chaotic world with its own beauty in disorder. But we can definitely speak to ourselves.

The installation

When we talk about installing a software, it is a pretty easy process. But when we deal with installing a habit in a human mind, it is entirely a different story. However, the human mind, controlled by a brain that is essentially plastic, is very much welcome to change in its basics. Neuroplasticity makes change possible. All you need to do is constantly hammer the habits and facts into your mind.

To imbibe and practice acceptance, we need to know what it involves. What acceptance encompasses is something we must explore. Let’s do that.

• Acceptance involves telling yourself, first and foremost, that everything is NOT in your control. It simply is not. Let it sink in. If it were, life would have been predictable and boring. Let’s take the roller coaster ride instead of a walk in the park.
• Acceptance is a way of letting things be. We all are driven by our own purpose in life. But sometimes, twists happen. When they do, wallowing will not help. Sometimes, we need to act on it so that it changes to facilitate us. Sometimes, we have to let it be. Stressing too much over what we cannot control or change is a waste of time and energy.

• Acceptance is also a process of letting go of things or people that do not let us move on. Life is a blend of all kinds of things. Certainly, everybody has to go through some strife at some point, from people or situations. There is no ‘All Happiness’ button to click when you choose to live. So, when life gives you lemons, as they say, make lemonade and choose some cookies to go with it. But once it is done, do toss the lemon peels in the trash bin. Delete people or situations from your life that drain your energy. Let them go.
• Acceptance is telling yourself that differences are possible and even normal. You cannot expect everyone to think like the way you do. It is an obvious fact. When you cannot agree with something or someone, and cannot change it either, accept it. Tell yourself that it’s okay and you just need to let them be and move on. Respect differences and be polite. Accept rejections. This will give a sense of peace that bitterness cannot.
• Acceptance includes allowing imperfections to exist— in yourself, in others, in life. When you set high standards for everything in your life, disappointments are just whistle away. Focus on getting things one step at a time.
• Acceptance is realizing what is important to you doesn’t necessarily have to be important to others and vice versa. Your priorities are set according to what matters to you most.
• Acceptance is focusing on changing your perception and perspective instead of trying to change others because in the end, what affects you most is how you think, not how others think. Happiness happens when you stop worrying about what others think. Accept that it is okay to be not someone who pleases everyone except oneself. Besides, focusing on yourself brings clarity.
• Acceptance is steering towards your goals, being conscious of your capabilities and working to enhance them, so that the universe falls into step with you, facilitating your journey to get ahead of yourself. Remember, the keyword here is ‘yourself’, not others.
• Acceptance feels best when you forgive — yourself and others — and nothing is more healing, unburdening and heartening that forgiving.

The results

Acceptance relies on how much you are willing to let go, let be and ignore things that do not have an impact on you in the big picture. If you were to pick at every little thing that annoys you, disappoints you or hurts you, you will lose focus on the bigger picture. You will lose focus on the little things on the better side.

When you fry an egg a little longer than necessary, its sunny side is going to get fried as well. But whenever it gets fried, toss it on to a plate before the whole thing consolidates and sprinkle some gratitude and mindfulness over it — you will be good to go. Now, that’s a rare metaphor, isn’t it?

Installing Acceptance 1.0 in your conscious and subconscious mind helps:

• to refocus and re-prioritize the elements in your life.
• to materialize your dreams and work towards the materialization of more of it.
• to brush off unnecessary emotions
• to polish the positive ones into shining
• to equip you to respond more and react less.
• to be content.
• to be grateful.
• to attain self-actualization.
• to be empowered.
• to accept rejections.

Above all, acceptance makes you realize that you are solely responsible for your happiness.

Being social animals has its catch — a lot of our life involves and revolves around other people. It is inevitable unless we choose hermit life or take solitude to a whole new level of isolation and appear to be anti-social. But we are far from contentment when we have to behave contrary to our nature. Nevertheless, not everyone in our life is working towards the actualization of our contentment. Rather, all are driven towards their own.

Above all, acceptance makes you realize that you are solely responsible for your happiness.

Hence, any change-driven movement must be rooted in the idea of empowering who you are, rather than enhancing who you are not. It goes without saying that self-acceptance is the highest and most primary form of acceptance. The rest follows.

Tailpiece

However, one thing must be clear when we decide to incorporate acceptance into our daily life. Acceptance includes forgiving and understanding. What it does not include is compromising on your own dreams and goals. Acceptance is not selling your soul to put up with everything. You just don’t have to tag anybody to your dreams and goals as you journey forward to your spiritual and personal ascent.

Sana Rose was shortlisted for the ARL Literary Awards 2018 under Best Author category for her debut novel ‘Sandcastles’. She is a Homeopathic Physician and holds an M.Sc. in Applied Psychology majoring in Counseling Psychology. She is an art enthusiast dabbling with brushes and paints when not writing. She also works as a freelance content writer. She runs the blog The Writeous Way intended to mentor aspiring writers. Sana lives in Calicut, Kerala (India) with her husband and daughter.