The Archival Mind
How Much Of What We Think We Remember Actually Happened?
The 400,000 plus-year-old human brain, still by far the greatest supercomputer in the history of the planet, might even be more expansive than originally thought according to a 2016 article published in Scientific American. The article estimates the human brain to be somewhere in the vicinity of a quadrillion bytes. In other words, the libraries of the mind are well stocked.
It has been estimated that the human brain on average has around 50,000 thoughts per day. Is it any wonder then why we have such a hard time staying focused on a single task? Even though scientists will likely never know the full scope of the human brain, one thing is certain, everything we’ve learned, every experience, every conversation, taste, smell, sensation, kiss, book read, film watched, piece of music listened to… it’s all there, tucked away somewhere in the deepest caverns of our mind, and anything we’ve experienced, anything at all, however induced, can come floating back to the surface of our consciousness in an instant resulting in a flood of fond memories, waves of euphoria, or profound sadness.
It is not uncommon for people who undergo hypnosis, or even Alzheimer’s patients to recall intimate details that took place when they were as young as two or three years old. That said, our memories may not always be as reliable as we would like them to be.
I, for one, can sit in a quiet space, close my eyes, and recall any number of childhood memories and conversations that may or may not have played out the way I remember them. I know at least parts of what I remember to be true while others are a bit fuzzy and may have even been fabricated by my imagination. Just as we can block out whole swaths of painful memories, it makes perfect sense that we also have the ability to subconsciously alter them. Even the ones most important or precious to us. Maybe especially those.
For years I’ve had a memory of nearly drowning when I was about ten or eleven years old. It was a hot summer day. I was with friends and cousins taking turns jumping off an old tire swing into a nearby creek. Even back then for some unknown reason I had a fear of going under. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it, but with everybody shouting and cheering me on, my fear of being a coward overtook my fear of the water, and eventually, I just did it. My first turn went better than I could’ve imagined. So well, in fact, I eagerly ran out to get back in line for another go. I was having a blast. Just as I was getting very confident, however, on my third or fourth turn out my hands slipped off the rope before I was ready, and I fell backward into the cold water. I remember going under and having the wind knocked out of me. I couldn’t breathe, and for a few split seconds, I couldn’t find the surface. Before long I felt a strong tug on my arm. Once I was back above water, I saw my cousin floating in front of me. She kept asking if I was ok. I nodded that I was fine. Truth be told, I was terrified, and never more relieved once I got back to solid ground.
Since that day she and I have lost contact with each other more than once, and sometimes for years at a time. Recently we connected again, and soon into our conversation I just came out and asked her if she remembered the day she saved my life. She seemed confused. She said she remembers the day; she remembers us jumping off the tire swing but doesn’t recall a moment when I nearly drowned or of saving me. I don’t think this was just her way of being modest. I think it’s quite possible she doesn’t remember it because it never actually happened, at least not the way I remember it. We were always close when we were young. Not like brother and sister but more like best pals. Also, I looked up to her. She was a couple years older than me and a tomboy. I think there is a strong possibility that my mind conjured up this version because perhaps some subconscious part of me wanted her to be the hero who once saved my life. This possibility makes me question the details of all my old memories a little more.
How many childhood or earlier adult memories can anyone claim to be absolutely sure of? As humans, we all have an innate ability to create. Our minds never stop doing this, even while we’re sleeping that creative mind is hard at work. We have dreams and nightmares that can be incredibly vivid, even if they don’t seem to make any sense, and often by the time we wake up we’ve already forgotten most of the details, if not all of them.
Philosophers and mystics have for years believed that we actively participate, even if only subconsciously, in creating our own realities. Do we really? It’s an interesting theory that is rich with as many questions as possibilities. But what if, just what if, we really could pave a future for ourselves from our own imaginings — would there be anything we couldn’t do?