The Antidote to Entitlement

Dads’ Survival Guide: Producing — Our Finances

I got new Kicks.

That’s my kids’ term. I call them Sneaks. Others say Runners. Trainers. Anything but Tennies.

Kicks means they’re cool. My kids were worried. Worried I’d buy ‘Grandpa shoes’. You know, those all white, first-generation walkers. That oldsters wear. Which look bad on Grandpas. And worse on Dads.

This was part of our Back-to-School shopping spree. A consumption frenzy preparing the kids for the start of school. Which is right around the corner.

Bigger sizes. Updated wardrobe. Kids choosing for themselves. Their own distinct look. Reflecting their personality. While remaining aligned with what’s in style. Hip. And cool. Resulting in every girl wearing the same blue-jean cutoffs. And white Air Jordans. Not to be confused with Grandpa shoes. Though they look the same. If you follow that logic.

Back-to-school shopping has become a habit. Well, more than a habit. An expectation. From my kids. An entitlement. Making me uncomfortable. Other Dads, too. About entitlement attitudes. Lack of gratitude. Or humility. And the long-term impact on our children’s well-being.

Affordable

Kids grow out of clothes. And Kicks. Replacing them is part of the deal. The expense of having little ones. All Dads are on board.

In fact, Back-to-school is budgeted. Dads set aside enough to cover the cost. So, it’s not as if we can’t afford new outfits. For the family. We can.

Dads are grumbling because the stuff being replaced was expensive. Super expensive. Had to be the right brand. With loud prints. In distinct colors. Or seasonal hues.

And candidly, the whole excursion feels wasteful. Most of our kids’ attire is perfectly fine. In Dads’ eyes. Plenty of tread on the sneaks. No holes in the shirts. Or shorts. Hoodies are still amply big.

None of that matters now. The wardrobe is considered ‘old’. So last year. In the kids’ eyes.

And therein, lies the problem. Their mindset. Perspectives. Attitudes.

Viewpoints

Mindset is how we see ourselves. Perspective is how we see the world. And attitude is how we feel about what we see.

A child’s mindset is self-centered. “Children tend to see themselves at the center of their world,” writes Dr. Meg Meeker in her book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. Everything revolves around them. Literally. They’re oblivious to anything outside their immediate realm. Beyond their scope. The kid bubble. And most are perfectly happy in their bubble.

With age, youngsters begin noticing the world around them. People. Things. Relationships. Social codes. And hierarchies. The way the world operates. How they, and others fit in.

This is when the emotions kick up. How children feel about themselves. And the world around them. Their attitudes. If they look at everyone else and feel better about themselves, then they’re prideful. If they look at everyone else and feel worse about themselves, then they’re insecure.

Understanding this dynamic is important for Dads. To prepare kids for the road ahead, we must be tuned-in to their mindset, perspective, and attitudes. Because each of our offspring is different. From one another. And us. They’re all unique individuals. With their own mindsets, perspectives, and attitudes.

All of which can be influenced. Question is, by whom?

Entitlement

“Humility is not thinking less of ourselves. Humility is thinking of ourselves less.” This is a Dad’s epic battle. Getting our kids to think about someone other than themselves. Just for a minute. Part of the maturity process. To stop obsessing about what they want. Desire. Deserve. What’s fair. For them. The entitlement attitude.

Entitlement signals a lack of gratitude. Appreciation. Thankfulness. For what we have. What’s been provided. Handed to us. Like expecting new Kicks when the old ones are just fine. Yet, we feel its merited. Earned. Our right.

Back-to-school Kicks is a little thing. A silly thing. But I’m concerned this little thing is a sign of a bigger, more detrimental issue.

Except, truth is, the issue is not with my kids. It’s with me.

Hubris

There’s an adage about removing the plank from one’s own eye before worrying about the speck in another’s eye. While I’m troubled about the speck of attitude in my kids, I need to address the plank of entitlement in myself.

My entitlement problem centers on family finances. My money. My affluence. My wealth. And I suspect, I’m not the only Dad with this issue.

Dads feel entitled to spend our money as we please. On whatever we please. And rightfully so. Because we earned it. All of it. Our ballooning portfolio is all our doing.

You see, as Dads, we are personally responsible for the stock market’s epic rise. A decade-long bull-market run. To an all-time high. We anticipated a worldwide pandemic accelerating the value of our suburban homes. And of course, we were ahead of the curve on crypto. Becoming a thing. And going straight through the roof.

Ahh…the hubris. Comes natural for us Dads. Believing everything that broke our way was of our own doing. Career openings. Financial choices. Investment windfalls. Yep, all us. And the genesis of entitlement. A common mindset. Perspective. And attitude.

Grateful Stewards

Stewardship of family finances is an important lesson for our kids. A level of humility about how we got to where we are. A sense of gratitude for what we can now afford. And a spirit of generosity towards those who’ve been less fortunate.

Humility. Gratitude. Generosity. The antidotes for entitlement. And it starts with us Dads. When we demonstrate these traits, our kids will follow. We set the example. Our influence. On their mindset. Perspectives. And attitudes.

Leading to better actions. And behaviors. Now. And throughout our children’s lives.

This should be a cakewalk for us Dads. Afterall, nothing is more humbling than being a Father. Or gratifying. And what’s more fulfilling than being generous with our kids. And others.

Go, Dads. Go.