Humor

The Annoying Truth About Living In A Delusional World

Delusions, although fun, seem to make a lot of people angry

I live in the United States of America, the land of the free and the home of the brave. She is a country where anything is possible and nothing is impossible, according to rumors and legends. Rumors and legends that are otherwise known as the word on the street or a fable.

Being an American woman, I decided to make my own reality. This mindset came to me after being continually dissatisfied with the real life I woke up to every day. I thought to myself that if Trump could do it, then so could I because I am one trillion times smarter than he could ever hope to be. My first task on the agenda was to make sure everyone knew I was suddenly voluptuous up top. I did this by poking my back out and thrusting my chest up. I also mentioned my new boobs to everyone, including people from decades ago and anyone at the gas station. I talked constantly about my back aching and my huge cleavage. I would tell everyone that my eyes were on my face not on my shirt. Eventually, people were able to see what I now saw, which was a size 36DD. It was at that moment when I knew that I could indeed manifest a whole new reality for myself.

These are modern times despite all the face masks and fear. If someone can choose their gender now, then I think it is only fair that others should be able to choose their reality. In my amazing new reality, I was worshipped, I had so many real friends. I had a job that paid amazingly well and I had peace. I had curves, all my wrinkles disappeared, I could dance, and I had a more fulfilling sex life than Ron Jeremy.

I had not advanced too far into my new life when my boss decided to be a buzzkill. He quickly became tired of my new reality. He objected to my new schedule, which was on a freestyle basis. He claimed it was called absenteeism. He also pulled out some manual and showed me where I signed stating my job hours and responsibilities. He was the first of many to become irritated with my new personal growth and manifestation talents.

Predictably, my family did not approve of any part of it. The kids were really upset about my decision to be a mother only when I felt like it or when the situation seemed worth it. They pretended not to hear or see me, per the usual, and went back to their routine of harassing me and following me around begging for things. Those things are very hard to ignore. I tried to make them stay outside and I also dropped them off at a fire station. Nothing worked. They always came back or found a way in. Frustrated, I decided to come back to this after I had mastered a few easier things.

My husband quickly got tired of my sexually harassing remarks. It seems as if men don’t like it when you grab them by their hips and say, “Hey, boy.” Maybe the sexes have more in common than we previously thought. Men also don’t like to be sent dick pics. I had to request a few to send out as I no longer had my own album handy. It’s like I have always said, one never needs anything until the second they get rid of it. That was another hard lesson learned on my part.

It all comes crashing down

Eventually, it got pretty exhausting for me to keep believing in my own lies. I hate to admit it, but after so much resistance from everyone, I decided to just give up. It was just too hard. I was also told by a very mean looking state official that some things I was doing were considered crimes. I didn’t believe him because he was not a lawyer. But then, my lawyer told me to cease and desist. But I know that I am only reassessing so I can come back and do it right. The next time I will only change one section of my reality at a time. I will start with my sister. She has to go.