The Addicts We Love

Summary

The article discusses the motivational factors that can lead to recovery from addiction, emphasizing the roles of self-motivation, leverage, and seduction in the process.

Abstract

The article "The Addicts We Love" delves into the complex motivations behind recovery from addiction, exploring the perspectives of both addicts and their loved ones. It highlights self-motivation as a crucial factor, noting its resilience despite repeated setbacks. The concept of leverage is introduced as an external motivator, where loved ones set boundaries to encourage recovery, while also maintaining their own well-being. The article also touches on the technique of seduction, which involves presenting the possibility of a fulfilling life without addiction in a non-confrontational manner. The piece acknowledges the difficulty of overcoming addiction alone and underscores the importance of support systems, such as fellowships and sober friends, in achieving sobriety.

Opinions

The author suggests that self-motivation is the most powerful potential for success when an addict faces a decisive moment between their addiction and something or someone of greater value.
Love from an outsider can be a double-edged sword, providing hope but also potentially enabling the addiction.
Leverage is seen as a practical external motivator, where loved ones clearly communicate their support for recovery while setting limits on their involvement if the addict continues their destructive behavior.
Seduction is presented as a subtle approach that appeals to an addict's innate need for connection and can biologically draw them towards choosing recovery.
The article emphasizes that while loved ones can employ various techniques to guide an addict towards sobriety, the ultimate decision and effort must come from the addict themselves.
It is noted that if despite best efforts using these techniques there is no progress, loved ones can take solace in having tried their best, and the responsibility then lies with the addict to make the change.

The Addicts We Love

I have been reading lately about the different kinds of motivation for recovery from the dark world of addiction. The knowledge comes as a perspective from either side of the coin. Either an addict, or a loved one looking in. The role of the outsider doesn’t always fit into a position that is really outside at all. If anything, it’s more inside then out. They usually are in that terrible world with love acting as the true curse.

The love for an addict and that continuous false hope that everything will soon be fine is extremely powerful. Like a black hole, it can have a power with infinite strength. But, let’s look at what, if anything can provide motivation to really be able to face sobriety with a sincere optimism that it really can be possible. So, let’s look at things, as that “outsider.”

There is Self Motivation that is first on the list for this equation. It’s first on the list, and it is one that can be the great equalizer. Although it can be very powerful, it often goes through many failures, and false successes. It has the ability to strengthen greatly with each and every speed bump in the road.

Self motivation meets its most powerful potential for success when it comes face to face with a true finale of decision; the choice that comes between two solid choices, that represent a major permanent lose, no matter which choice is made.

This is where the discovery can come, that shows that there is something/someone that is more valuable than the addiction. It can be an awakening in a cloudy mind.

Everything flashes before an addicts life, and the risk of lose finally seems to shine through. Experts call it the “black and white choice.” There is no gray area in this. It comes to either the addiction, or loved one, career, or even life.

There is something else called Leverage, and the experts call this “The workhorse of external motivation.” This kind of technique is steps above idol threats. It can be any of us telling a loved one we can’t stand by and watch the addicted anymore.

We make it clear that we would still love to stand by them and support them on a road of recovery. But if not, then we just can’t watch them kill themselves any longer.

Often times addicts choose the addiction because they assume that as usual, it’s just a threat and we won’t stick to it. This is not an example of leaving somebody forever because the pain was that bad. This is more like no longer sticking around, until shit gets right.

An expert in this field, Dr Jeffrey Smith MD states that there are other examples in the Leverage field, for instance, an addict at work being approached by a Manager or somebody in Human Resources.

It is usually a calm and collective conversation, reminding the addict that there still are choices, like an Employee Assistance Program. Or just asking the employee is there is a problem, or if they might need time off for treatment.

Last, there is what is called Seduction. It’s the last stop on the road. It’s what we face when self motivation nor leverage seem to help the addict. This is what they refer to as “dropping a piece of information,” but not waiting for a result, reply, or answer. One of the best references I ever read about this is what we are doing is “making use of the human need for connection and framing it, without preaching or threatening as a choice. It’s something that has the chance for biological pull.”

If we fast forward, we also can be able to see why addicts don’t succeed alone. It’s a good reason why fellowships, and sober friends works. It’s that leverage, that can finally give the upper hand.

These techniques are what we as loved ones can use as our ammunition for guiding a loved one to sobriety. A loved one should work hard and sacrifice to try to help the addict. However, you can’t do it forever if you are working harder at it than the addict. Loved ones likely go through a lot of guilt, and keep wondering if they shouldn’t turn their backs.

Experts state that if the outsider has wholeheartedly tried these three techniques and there still is no light at the end of the tunnel, then you then can sincerely know that at least you tried everything you can. You did your best, but there is nothing more that you can try to do. It is up to the addict and what they want.