The 9 Astonishing Benefits of Stop Talking About Yourself

You become more influential without effort.

“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.”― Ram Dass

Have you ever noticed while you have a talk and catch the other person keeps looking at you, but you know his mind is elsewhere?

Is it a hurtful feeling, right? Seem like it’s not interesting what you said. The truth is that everyone wants to be heard. Before, I ignored it, but now I have to recognize it hurts.

If you focus on the person who usually doesn’t listen, you will see they are the ones who love the most to be heard.

“I’ve been thinking back about things that have gone wrong over the past couple of years, and I suddenly realized that many of the troubles have resulted from someone not hearing something, or getting it in a distorted way.”

It was one of the comments in a in a study of the top executives of a major manufacturing plant in Chicago who were asked to survey the role that listening plays in their work.

After those experiences, I decided to do something different, stop talking about myself, and see what happens. I thought the change was small, but I was the opposite; the results were significantly different and interesting.

Let's break this down.

You Develop Connection and Empathy

When you have the intention to listen to, the encounter has a significant difference. People rapidly start to feel familiar and comfortable.

In these times, when everyone is busy running around on autopilot mode with a lack of time, no one has the patience to listen with intention. But the problem is — everyone what to be heard.

When you “listen” to someone, be aware that it is not just a ”verb” the purpose is to listen to understand and ask questions if something is not clear. It is showing respect and empathy for others.

It is simple, and most people desperately appreciate it. And you can give it — It is free.

Your Environment Feels Calm and Quit

A week ago, I visited my mom, and my older brother came by chance. We had a long talk. What I noticed was he kept a gap of silence when we talk.

When I asked him why you don’t say anything? he replied I want to understand what you said and answer.

I noticed a quiet moment in those gaps, like the world stop for a while, and you interpreter the world differently.

The truth is we need more quiet people. To appreciate how powerful the world would be if we learn to understand and be quiet. Instead of taking conversations as a competition to know who is the smartest.

The Relationship Reaches Another Level

I remember once my uncle told me. The best gift you can give to everyone is not money or presents, not even close — The best gift is to take the time to listen.

It took me time to understand what he said. I was 12 years old. What I thought was — ok, another advice from my drunk uncle.

Listen, I can bet that all the people you see on the streets talking to each other neither the 10% are real listeners. I hopefully am wrong; most all of them are waiting for their turn to talk and share their experiences regardless of other’s interests.

When you hear another person with the intention, you make a pact of empathy with it. You make a difference.

You Ask More Questions

If you focus on what they said, you will realize that automatically you ask questions to clarify and have a crystal-clear understanding of what the person in front of you is saying.

When you ask questions, You have a clear idea, and you always learn something new. I wonder, is it not worthy?

You Stop Centering on What to Say Next

You stop treating a conversation as a competition of knowledge. And that is relaxing.

When you decided to listen more, you don’t have the necessity to think about what you will say next. You go with the flow, which is incredible, instead of stressing yourself, looking for answers to reply.

It Feels Like You Are a Doctor

Last night I had a conversation with my mother. We have a nice relationship and different opinions on certain topics.

With the idea of listening to her, we were talking. What I noticed was amazing. It was like therapy. Listening to her and focus on what she said without interruptions was relaxing.

She showed happiness on her face, and I listened at ease. You will realize sometimes you need to say neither a word to have a relaxing time with a person.

You Become Uncommon and Attractive

In those times of loud people everywhere, you become unconventional. Just the simple act of talking less make you an interesting person. It is uncommon.

When you give it a try — you become a specimen in extinction.

People Want to Get to Know You

People want to know more about you. They start to have a natural intention to know better.

It is a cause-effect. Listen, when you give your time to listen to someone is a huge relief, and people appreciate it. It is not money, not a reward.

It is the most valuable asset you have — “your time.”

This is a natural feeling when you decide to do the unconventional. And if that would be conventional, the world would be a better place to live.

You Are More Influential for Everyone and Everywhere

The person who talks less has more influence in conversations. Think about this: Have you ever have a friend who talks a lot?

Sometimes you don’t even listen to the first two sentences because you know he doesn’t say anything interesting. And not because he is not smart, just because he used too many words to express a simple thought.

When you know a guy who listens more than talks, he starts to talk with you. It is not interesting to know about him?. Of course, it is.

People take more serious and more influential a word from the person who talks less.

Give it a try and start to listen more. No just for the sake of improving yourself as a person. But for developing empathy for others.

We are tired of loud people showing us how good they are and take talks as competitions. Why don’t you decide to keep quiet, listen, learn, and help others?

The amazing part of this, when you decide to develop that skill, you receive the same, people want to hear from you, people want to spend more time with you, people value you. And you know why?

Everyone wants to be heard, understand, and seem.

Even those who say they don’t. Everyone included you and me.

If you want more stories like this or different topics, let me know here!

Godofredo Rojas is a writer, chef, and constant learner from Peru. He studied in Le Cordon Bleu in Lima, Peru. He moved to New York in March 2011. You can find him on Facebook and Twitter.