The 7 Habits Of Highly Toxic People

#6 — They cheat on you with your best friend.

We all have seen our fair share of toxicity these days. Whether its politicians both foreign and domestic or it’s the people walking among us who call us friend. I have frankly seen all types especially the ones who are adamant in not wearing a face mask because they believe it infringes on their rights.

But these days there is a newer wave of toxicity that’s brewing between people. A newer much resilient wave of toxic people is emerging. Frankly, speaking I have sailed through all of that in my time as a proactive speaker.

Over the years I have befriended all kinds of people. But to understand a toxic person, you need to carefully spend time with them — to learn that they are just ordinary people with toxic habits.

Seldom these same people have these ideas about becoming successful. And they try achieving those things by spreading their toxicity through other people.

Thus to become a better version of myself — I took a chance in understanding all kinds of toxic people. As people are living, breathing walking libraries of information you won’t find anywhere.

They have ideas, perspectives, behaviours and views but most of all the habits that influence them in becoming who they are in front of others.

There is no other way to avoid this kind than to study them carefully and learn their ways to avoid becoming like them.

1. They talk shit about others in an indecent tone.

Not just any people, it can be their “besties” that they show other people socially. It can be their close friends, and perhaps even their family members. It could be their partner, and the list goes on.

One of the prime reasons they do this is because they are insecure. Only an insecure person would disrespect others. Think about it, badmouthing their friends who believe he/she is sincere to them. It is certainly heartbreaking to see how people play other people these days.

At one moment in the crowd, they would be laughing but inside they would be saying these hurtful things to each other. In the company of others, when asked about their friends they would talk about the shittiest of things, you can imagine.

In short, if they behave like this even remotely. You can fairly assume, they do it behind you using you as the point of reference as well. Which is a downright awful thing to do to anyone.

How To Avoid This: Stay away from such people, who talk shit about other people. If they can’t rephrase their words in a courteous tone, they are not worth talking to. You should try paying attention to how your words affect others as well.

2. They never vest themselves in other people.

Have you ever had that one friend who just tags along because you will invest in them? I have had many, at times they weren’t even my friends but acquaintances. My mutuals always complained about how people don’t invest in other people.

When it came to them, they were the same people who did those things. There are different types of investment a person does in a friendship. Here are a few as follows:

• Spending money, on them to help them become happy.
• Buying them gifts doesn’t matter whether they are cheap or expensive.
• Emotionally supporting them, to feel complete.
• Physically supporting them, in improving their prowess.
• Teaching them, mentoring or educating them to impact their wellbeing.

All these perhaps are things that a toxic person never does. Unless there is a catch for them. They will only invest value in someone if it's a means to an end. They would never help someone just for the sake of it.

To spot this trait, closely monitor their behaviour if someone asks them for help. Whether its financial, educational or emotional — they will show unavailability at that spot.

Their faces could be compared to sour wasabi when this happens.

How To Avoid This: Try taking chances for other people. Sometimes it is better to help them with as little as you can. Know when to say “yes” and when to say “no.”

If you invest yourself in others, you can definitely learn not only to improve their life but yours as well as a result.

3. They are proud clout chasers.

Ever felt like someone just used you to get to the next guy. I have — when I was studying in my old engineering program. I became popular because of my public speaking skills by working in the Innovation & Entrepreneurship centre for students. When I landed a startup, in the Incubation Centre. Everything changed.

During those years many people came across just to connect and get to the next guy in the room. I felt violated, at times at how people used me just to get a measly advantage.

I mean I could help them, maybe even put in a word for them to the higherups(Investors, and Socialites alike.) I knew all of them and was well acquainted with each one of them.

Maybe this is where I think, things took a drastic turn. I found really fake people. The kinds you’d never want to come across. They would connect with me only to get to that level of society. I always liked being on the ground, even if I was working with prestigious people.

But so many toxic people wanted to chase that clout. They wanted to connect with those people. Even though the life they wanted was all but a lie packaged in a paradise fantasy.

I realized to start saying no to many who would just want to get there. I was not available, for their thrift. I valued my mental sanctity more than their desire to redeem those pastures.

How To Avoid This: Do not ever make friendships with people, who are clout chasers. They will drain you mentally, emotionally, and financially. They are not good for you, they are not good for anyone but themselves.

4. They are excellent liars in getting what they want.

I have known some great manipulators over the years. The tricks they use, to manipulate people on their fingertips has been an eye-opening experience. Men who play young naive girls, just to break them — assholes.

People who befriend others to use them as a stepping stone. It’s just an endless stream of douchebags getting what they want at the expense of people whose trust is misused.

I have known so many women over the years who have been a victim of this vile manipulation. I can’t but control the tears in my eyes. It’s hurtful to hear the pain young girls go through when they are played by these assholes.

“Never force the physical; instead infect your targets with heat, lure them into lust. Morality, judgment, and concern for the future will all melt away.” — Robert Greene

Tricksters who insinuate this desire in the hearts of young girls making them believe that they know them. When in reality, these men are just playing these poor women.

After they have done the deed, they’d be on their merry way like nothing ever happened. Leaving the poor girl broken. I have known a few women close to me who have tried to commit suicide because of it.

What do you get from destroying a person's life? Their answer is the thrill of playing these poor defenceless women who believe that they are true to them. In short, they enjoy misusing their trust. It is a hunt to them, where they feast upon the hope and trust of young naive women.

Most guys can see through their schemes from a mile away. But if a guy steps in to consult with the girl about the behaviour of their boyfriend and how they are using them is perhaps taken very seriously at times.

I have known women who become defensive not knowing the guy is smiling behind them. There are some degenerate monsters out there if you’re not careful. They use you, to feed on your hope. On what you can offer them. They like the feeling of being in control of what you give to them freely.

They take it and then leave. Implanting this seed, that they then reap over and over again using you until there’s nothing left for you to abruptly take your life.

How to Avoid This: Girls, do not fall for these cheap tricks. My advice is to read & implement The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene to get acquainted with the cheap tricks these amateurs use to manipulate you.

Do not trust people so blindly even in love. Always question other people. These days love has become a fallacy, it is just a measure through which these toxic people rob you of your innocence and trust.

Be careful while treading the path with people who exhibit these symptoms.

5. They will only contact you when no one feeds their feeble self.

One of the many things I have been surprised by in this pandemic is the number of toxic people who have contacted me after years or decades just to check whether I got my shit together or not.

I believe you might have been acquainted with such people as well. The experience hasn’t been great in my opinion. As one dude just becoming violent on WhatsApp blocking me, after I told him I don’t have time to talk to him.

His behaviour was certainly entertaining to watch. I didn’t pay much attention to what he was rambling on and on about.

I was too busy taking care of my late beloved grandmother who was ill during June. I have seen this habit of people many times who only connect with you when they have nothing better to do.

Like this is the value they see in you, that you are their pass time. Someone to ramble to about other people. Most times they would only visit you when nobody throws them the bone because they know you will.

Thus they bring all their negativity and their toxicity with them. This can drain you when exposed on a longer duration. They are just what I call social leeches. You are nothing but an accessory to them until another invites them to repeat the process.

How To Avoid This: When they contact you, try to cut it short. Or better yet do not pick up at all. Because they will drain you mentally, financially, as well as robbing you of your peace of mind and your wallet.

6. They cheat on you with your best friend.

The perks of taking things slow are that people are impatient and lust is a powerful thing. Especially when both of them are insecure about themselves. Like two fishes in a pond, and yes I made a Pisces joke.

The irony here was both of them were close friends of mine, where one was an expert liar and the other a clout chaser. I truly cared for each one of them, even though they had toxic habits. Forgiving your friends is easier, but giving them that trust back again is hard.

The incessant lying both of them did behind my back, and in front of my face was unbearable. I bore just that, later on, decided to distance myself from both of them when the time became clear. I haven’t talked to the girl ever since. And the guy well he became what he always wanted to be — King clout.

I do sometimes feel perhaps that these things were meant to be. But we choose who we want to be and they did it knowingly they were trampling my trust. My love perhaps can be regained but my trust is not for free. They abused the one thing I hold sacred, and that is trust.

It is the basis of any relationship. It allows growth, maturity and companionship. They found it so easy to break, but I have heard from acquaintances of mine that they both regret it. But still, keep on going their merry ways doing what they please.

Overall, you’ll find many people like this in life. People whom you provide with everything you are and they will just disregard that completely. Perhaps the most toxic thing to do to someone who genuinely wanted the best for both of them. If either one wanted to be with the other, I would have no problem with it.

But they had to lie and cheat and play coy about it. And thus they lost a loved one just like that.

How To Avoid This: Don’t succumb to rage in such scenarios. I never did. I just distanced myself from them. It became easier when I stopped caring. Their nature became their own downfall. I didn’t let it get to me. You shouldn’t either. You deserve better, and they deserve neither your energy nor your anger.

Because at the end of the day, if you still feel angry at them then that means you still care. Remember that, and let it take you places far from the reach of such people.

7. They only invite you to tag along if you uplift their ego.

As much as I hate to admit it, I have been that one smart nice guy you bring along to impress your girlfriend. Yes, I have been the wingman, the puppet, the entourage — you name it.

In the beginning, I didn’t even know I was a stereotype. I just wanted my friend to feel that he has gusto. When you surround yourself with good people, it shows that you have a great sense of presence. You attract all kinds of people and not just clout chasers.

There came a time, I realized I was only invited when they wanted their female friends to proffer them with respect. I am not proud of these moments, because some of my friends over the years have been literal douchebags.

When they all but left the girl in shambles. I had to pick up the slack, to mend them. When you become friends with other people, and your mate opts out. It is the most toxic thing to do.

I wasn’t their errand boy to take care of their faults and failures. Being the nice guy sucks. Everybody uses you and when they are all but done. They leave you. They only invite you when you highlight their social status. Even though I played along most of their schemes because I was studying them from a safe point. It became unbearably awful in the late game.

How To Avoid This: These people play you for a fool at times, but the trick is to let them think they are in control. The best way to fool toxic people is to play along with their wicked games.

And when you learn their tricks, it will become easier to avoid such kinds of people. Though they’ll find another, like them who’d be a better fit for their strategic advancements towards chasing the clout.

The Takeaway

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I’d rather make a lemon mojito. You will come across toxic people all your life. There will be times you would become them as well. Should you realise the silver lining until someone tells you or you could do so for the sake of emotional manipulation.

But remember who you are at the core, we have to be better than them — than our worst possible self.

As long as we try, doesn’t matter if we fail a million times. We will become a better version than what we were before. It is a never-ending process of improvement. Don’t give up!

You should adopt this mindset towards people and life. People come and go, but you always become wiser through the experience.

If we all tried to see the error in our ways, we would be proffering a much safer and prospective world for everyone around us and ourselves as well.

Practice avoiding these habits, and people who have them. Your life will become much peaceful and pleasant just by doing that, Believe it.