The 7 Secrets of Being Weird and Unlikable

For some of us, it works.

“Honestly, I couldn’t stand you at first.”

I’ve heard that a few times, usually from people I barely knew. A while back, there was this one woman who kept thanking me for a favor I did. It felt weird. I asked her what was up.

At last, she dropped her facade.

“I actually don’t like you.”

Oh, okay.

I’m on the autism spectrum. The habits and life hacks that allegedly work for everyone else land flat for me.

That’s one of the reasons I get so irritated at all the advice out there. Not only does it not work, it harms us. It sets us up for failure, and it reinforces expectations that make our lives that much harder. It confuses us. It makes it harder for us to trust people.

I don’t want someone to pretend to be nice to me if they secretly hate my guts. I want them to leave me alone.

People like us have to grow a much more organic approach to life to get anything we want. It’s hard. It’s painful. It requires a lot of trial and error. We have to find our own way.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Give up a little.

My life got a lot better when I stopped trying to impress important people. It’s okay if nobody pays attention to you. It’s okay if you walk into a room, and nothing happens.

For people like us, that’s a good thing.

Who cares if everyone likes you? Who cares if everyone is fascinated by you, or finds you irresistible?

Crowds are fickle.

2. Practice the law of unattraction.

The law of attraction doesn’t work for weird people.

(I don’t think it works for anyone.)

A lot of people say they don’t believe in the law of attraction. Whatever. Of course they do. They just won’t admit it, because it sounds so ridiculous when you say it out loud.

Sometimes realizing you didn’t want something in the first place feels better than getting it.

So, try not wanting things.

It works.

3. It’s not jealousy.

There’s an emotion that feels like envy.

It’s not.

Certain people enjoy far more success than they deserve. You know it. You also know that you’ll work ten times harder than them for the same things. When you finally achieve it, people will accuse you of cheating. Finally, you know that you can’t always speak up about it.

Sometimes, you have to keep it yourself.

That’s not jealousy.

It’s awareness.

4. It’s your party.

There’s nothing wrong with pouting (also known as stewing or brooding). That’s a word normal people came up with to trivialize your feelings. Honestly, the world is a hard place.

It can hurt you.

Some of us spend all day accommodating other people’s whims and desires. It’s exhausting. On top of that, there are days when there’s truly nobody around who wants to hear you vent. So, vent to yourself quietly in a dark room. We all need time alone to decompress and unpack the emotions we’ve been hiding all day.

Sometimes, we cry.

It’s not bad.

It’s cathartic. Crying releases oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. It’s better than forcing yourself to smile, or whispering mantras at your reflection. Your time alone is your party.

Cry if you want to.

5. Do weird things.

Weird people are happy doing weird things that society frowns on. We have strange hobbies. While everyone else is watching sports or singing at church, we’re getting our weird on.

We’re reading strange things.

We’re writing fan fiction.

It’s fine.

6. Let the right ones in.

There’s something better than being universally adored. It’s finding your crew. The right ones will make an effort to understand you. They’ll appreciate it when you understand them.

You can be weird together.

7. Speak your mind.

Some of us can’t lie. Instead, we have to figure out how to serve the truth. Sometimes you have to serve it warm and sugary. Other times, you have to serve it cold and raw.

Yes, people will get angry at you.

That’s their problem.

None of us are that normal.

Everyone loves the latest Wednesday Addams. I think it’s because deep down, everyone feels weird. They wish they could be more genuine and disregard the world’s judgment.

It’s not that easy. The world often won’t accommodate you, so you have to accommodate yourself. There’s no point in getting far in life if you don’t enjoy where you are.

Start there.