The 5 Sexual New Year’s Resolutions You Need to Make

Work on your sex life, not your body

I’m guilty of making all the worst New Year’s resolutions.

I’d start every year vowing to change something about my body.

I would eat clean and cut all the enjoyable foods out of my diet.

I’d start working out regularly instead of leaving my yoga mat rolled up and my weights under the bed.

I’d start jogging and not give up on it as soon as the temperature dips into scarf weather.

I’d do whatever I could to lose weight, gain muscle mass, get in shape — well, a different shape anyway.

That’s what a lot of people do around this time, because they’re sure that it will make them happier.

If they could stick to these resolutions, they could force their body to look the way they want it to. They’d feel better because of it — at least in theory. it would somehow give them the confidence they’ve always wanted.

And I guess that’s what I was going for too. I was trying to get a slimmer body because I hoped it would make me happy.

Then I realized there was something that would actually make me way happier.

Having better sex.

More of the good sex I was already having.

Getting huge hits of sexual pleasure that would calm my nerves and make me feel at peace.

That’s something a lot of people really struggle with. Their relationships are solid, but there’s not a whole lot of lust to go with that love.

They want to fuck more. They want to have the kind of sex that really satisfies them. They want to feel genuine physical chemistry.

They feel like they’ve fallen out of touch with their sexual side. They wish they were hornier — and had something more satisfying to do with all that horniness.

A new year is a perfect opportunity to work on achieving all those things. If you want a better sex life this year, these are the five resolutions that will help you get one.

Start Confessing Your Sexual Fantasies

There’s good sex. There’s great sex. And then there’s sex that hits all your buttons.

I never thought there was anything missing from my sex life because I was getting fucked really well.

It had everything that should be on anyone’s sex wishlist. Tons of pleasure. Pussy eating that lasted so long I worried my husband’s neck would get sore. So many orgasms I’d lose count of them.

But I still had trouble getting excited for it.

I had no idea why. Everything about it was good. I had nothing to complain about.

Except that it didn’t hit my buttons.

I didn’t actually realize that until I started telling my husband about my sexual fantasies. Some of them he guessed. Others surprised him.

It was the first time he got a complete picture of what turns me on. And when he worked those into the way we fucked, it all clicked for me.

The sex had been great but it was missing all the things that actually make me feel super horny.

There was no dirty talk. I wasn’t getting fucked in a way that made me feel submissive. The daddy vibes I sometimes got from my husband weren’t there when we were getting frisky.

Basically, all the things that made my fantasies so exciting to begin with.

And that’s exactly why you should share yours — because your partner can’t fuck you in ways that hit your buttons if they don’t know what they are.

You can start small. That’s what I did. I wasn’t ready to talk about how consensual nonconsent roleplay does some very good things to me or just how deep my DDlg kink goes. But I could tell him that a little dirty talk and domination would really get me hot.

You might not get the sex of your dreams. You might not even want to have it — I’ve got some cuckquean tendencies I’m not sure I’m ready to explore. But you’ll be talking openly about your turn-ons and kinks, and that’s going to add some good sexual energy to your relationship.

Try Something You Consider Kinky

I had a hunch I’d like getting blindfolded, but I had no idea just how much I’d love it.

The moment the eyemask slipped over my eyes and my husband told me not to worry about a thing, I felt more aroused than I had been in months. Maybe years.

I could barely control my breathing. Everything felt amazing. Not just pleasurable — it just felt right. Like I was in the exact mental and emotional space I wanted to be in during sex.

It was such an incredible experience that I kept trying more and more things.

That’s how I discovered that I wasn’t just curious about bondage — I wanted to be fucked in restraints more often than not.

I found out that machine sex is even hotter than it looks — especially if I give the controls to someone else.

And that having a threesome with a sex doll isn’t just a quirky little experiment — it gives me a genuine voyeuristic thrill.

I wouldn’t have known any of that if I didn’t take a few steps out of my vanilla comfort zone. And my sex life wouldn’t be nearly as hot as it is now.

This year, you should try something kinky. Better yet, try a few different things.

It doesn’t have to be anything extreme — don’t go too far out of your comfort zone. It just has to be a little kinkier than what you normally do.

It could be roleplaying with costumes.

It could be assplay or pegging.

It could be using a blindfold or a paddle.

It could be fisting or double penetration.

Do whatever it is you’re curious enough to try, even if you’re not entirely sure you’d enjoy it. If you’re lucky, you’ll surprise yourself and discover something that really blows your mind.

But no matter what, you’re experimenting and making sex playful — which always makes it more fun and exciting.

Take Porn More Seriously

When my sex life hit a low point, so did my porn use — and that wasn’t a coincidence.

I’ve always loved porn, but it had been years since I had actually watched an entire scene — let alone anything like feature length smut.

I had thrown out all my porn DVDs. I got rid of the stacks of dirty magazines I had collected with my husband. I didn’t even bother downloading videos the way I used to.

I didn’t have time for that. I was a mom with all sorts of chores and responsibilities to deal with.

When I needed a hit of arousal, I’d load Pornhub on my phone, find something that looked hot on the homepage, skip through the storyline for a few seconds, go right to the action, and ride my vibrator until I was done.

I’d watch two or three minutes — however long I needed to get the job done.

It was fine. The porn was pretty good. I’d have an orgasm and relieve the tension.

But it wasn’t great.

When I said I didn’t have time to watch porn, what I mean is that I never made time for it. And I really regret that because I think it would’ve really helped my sex drive.

I would’ve been way more turned on and ready to fuck if I gave myself the time to watch a scene and put me in the mood for some of the action I was seeing on screen.

I decided to try watching porn the way I used to. With some skipping, but mostly full scenes. The setups, the storyline, the anticipation — all of it.

It was extremely entertaining. I had kind of forgotten how fun porn could be.

And it actually helped me get back in touch with my sexual side. It helped me feel more like my old happy, horny self.

If you just look at quick clips on tube sites when you want to get off, you should try enjoying porn a little more seriously.

Look for the kind of porn that really turns you on. If you have specific kinks and fantasies, subscribe to studios that cater to them. If you’re into nasty, rough sex, figure out where you can watch all that nasty, rough action. If you’re into sweet, playful, authentic fucking instead, enjoy lots and lots of it.

If you’re like me, you can’t wait for your brain to get into sexy mode — it won’t get there on its own. You’ve got to give it a kick to get it going. And that’s exactly what settling in with some really good porn will do.

Get Super Flirty

I have this frustrating instinct to keep compliments to myself.

I guess it’s because I’m self-conscious. Saying something nice feels awkward. And by the time I work up the nerve to say anything, the moment’s usually passed.

It doesn’t usually cause any problems — except when it starts to affect my relationship.

When you’re in a relationship long enough, the compliments can start to slow down. You’ve said all the nice things you have to say to each other. It feels kind of weird to keep repeating it.

Doubly so if you find it awkward to begin with.

But when you lose the compliments, you pretty much lose all the flirting. And that means you lose a lot of the foreplay — and the sex that comes with it.

For some people, it’s not a big deal. They can go from nothing to fucking and it’s fine. Or at the very least, they can get there with a bit of physical affection — from cuddling to full penetration in an hour or less.

But that doesn’t work for everyone.

I need words of affirmation to get there. Unless I get sweet compliments and flirty banter, I can’t go into sex mode. It feels way too abrupt, like we skipped ten steps.

A lot of people are like that. They need sweet talk that turns into flirty talk — and flirty talk that turns into dirty talk. Without that, they can’t get in the mood.

So, keep the physical affection. Keep the date nights. Keep all that. But make it a point to throw in a lot of sweet and naughty flirting too.

Masturbate Without Any Guilt Whatsoever

A lot of people feel really weird about masturbation, especially when they’re not having tons of sex.

If you’re the one with the bigger sex drive, it can feel like you’re doing something sketchy behind your partner’s back. Like taking care of yourself implies that they’re not enough for you.

If you’re the one with less interest in sex, it’s even worse. There’s a really good chance you feel kind of guilty for getting yourself off — like you should be saving it for your partner.

That’s exactly how I felt.

If I had even a teensy tiny shred of horniness, I’d try desperately to hold onto it. I might watch porn, but I wouldn’t touch myself. I’d keep all my virbators safely stored away in their little black bags. I wouldn’t even blast my pussy with my showerhead like I really, really wanted to.

I felt like I should keep those horny feelings for my husband instead.

He wanted to have sex with me. I wanted to want it too. It seemed like the sensible thing to do.

But it almost never worked out the way I hoped it would. Being weird about masturbating didn’t help. In fact, it made things worse.

It made sex feel like an obligation. It made my sexual desires feel like something I should manage instead of something I could indulge in. And the guilt I felt took some of the fun out of jilling off.

Don’t do that to yourself.

This year, you should masturbate as much as you want.

Go ahead and play with your favorite vibrators even if you’re not really in the mood to fuck your partner.

Lock yourself in the bedroom with a decent stroker and some high-quality porn whenever you’re feeling sexually pent up.

Take a long warm bath so you have an excuse to give yourself as many orgasms as you want.

Be indulgent about it. Try something fun like warming lube. Get different sex toys so you stimulate yourself in different ways.

Just enjoy yourself.

It’s going to give you a way more positive attitude about your sex life. It’s going to keep you from getting all wound up. It’s going to make you feel more satisfied overall.

And I guarantee it’s going to beat feeling guilty about your pleasure.

Heat Things Up

Having better sex and enjoying more pleasure is a resolution you can actually stick to.

No matter how it goes, you’re going to get lots of fun out of it. You’ll probably make your great relationship even better. You’ll get to come more often and come even harder — and who doesn’t want that?

You can make resolutions to diet and exercise if you want. But this is way more worth it.

This post contains affiliate links to a few kinky accessories to help you stick to your resolutions! If you click on one and treat yourself to anything from those sites, I earn a small commission and you’ll be enjoying your sexiest year yet!

If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Getting Sweet After Getting Dirty (Sexual Aftercare, Sub Drop, and Weird Post-Sex Anxiety) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!

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