The 5 Rules of Really Strong Couples

Time apart is essential.

“Let’s not forget it’s you and me vs. The problem…Not you vs. Me.” — Steve Maraboli

The quote above is probably the most precise conclusion about the usual dilemmas in all relationships.

The root of the fruit? An undesired friend — “The ego.”

Days ago, I had a conversation with my wife. She asked:

Chamarro, did you remember when you used to say that you never wanted to be married? There’s no sense in signing a piece of paper to commit to someone. It doesn’t say anything.

I replied: I remember. Then she continued: now that we are together 10 years already, what do you think is the key to our relationship? We never had a huge conflict. We have a good marriage. Don’t you think?

It was a good reminder of how the connection has grown since.

Indeed, we have been together for a long time. We’re away from a perfect couple, with arguments as everyone for trivial matters.

Those questions drove me to pen this post. Misunderstanding in relationships is a common issue. On several times, we make a petty point bigger for the sake of nothing. We treat it like a battle whether we wildly need to find out a winner or loser.

But you can always change that for the better if you have the intention to solidify your relationship.

Let’s see what those rules are to make a stable connection if you applied on a daily basis. If they work for me for sure, they can work for you either.

Stop Taking Things Too Seriously

“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” –Mark Twain

It is hilarious how dull but important it can be. We use salt and pepper regularly every day. When an argument comes, trying to see some details that make us laugh helps to take the time not too seriously.

Lack of communication is everywhere. Trying to fix it without being bitter is essential. The idea is not to act silly but to reduce the tense energy you carry at the moment. If the problem deserves to sit down and talk, do it respecting each other.

Making someone smile reduces the tension, opening the gate to talk and listen with intention.

Think Wisely Before a Talk

“The way of the superior man” by David Deida is an open-eyed book. It’s easy to digest and chew how different men and women are. We cannot talk the same way as we talked with our male peers. It's a lost deal in advance.

Keep in mind that nobody enjoyed being criticized. Changing small words when you refer to your partner can make a big difference, like “And” instead of “but” will help you a better approach.

If you don't like something, but you think it would be harsh to digest for your partner, start with a compliment. For example, I love the way you cook, “and” if you cook the rice a minute more, it would be even better.

The rules aren't hard. The key is showing respect and empathy. Simply as putting your feet in hers or vice-versa. Just ask yourself: Would you like to be treated in the same way?

Don’t Bother if She/He Wants To Go Out

“We need solitude, because when we’re alone, we’re free from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts.” — Tamim Ansary.

Time in solitude to think is essential. If your partner wants s to have a coffee with a friend, let her go.

I noticed a common mistake everyone made is they don't get the value of being alone for a person is. I don't say a week, neither for a day, just for a moment is healthy. To think, reflex, and get a boost of energy.

When I met my wife, I was impressed with her desire to give me time for myself. You need time in solitude if you want to read, sleep, walk, reflect, practice your hobby, talk with someone. This is a must that is underrated in couples.

Be proactive and offer it. You‘ll’ notice the difference when he comes to you. Just the fact to walk for a while and think how grateful you’re for the person who is waiting for you at home is incredible.

Forget About Valentine’s Day, Create Details on a Daily Basis

I get why women love flowers. But I was begging not to receive my partner with those when I had to pick her up at the airport. I made fun of my mates when I saw that.

I never saw my mother getting a couple of flowers from my father. But the truth is, it doesn't have to be flowers or pandas(I’m not a big fan either).

Small details in your everyday life are essential in a relationship. Simple things work better like, send a text telling how important she/he is. Or touching her, saying something in her ears. These rules work for both.

I cook at home when I want to surprise her. Peruvian food is amazing. There are many ways to show how valuable the person next to you is. Never wait just for Valentine’days to show how important your soulmate is.

Don’t Give Up Your Goals, Support Each Other

“Be with someone who embraces your goals, not destroy them.” — Unlnown

Most people confuse that if you have a partner next to you, it means giving up their dreams. Never stop him from doing what he wants, even if that will cost spending less time together.

You have to support each other. When people are happy doing what they love, they appreciate the person close to them. Don’t be that person who is building barriers between your loved one's dreams.

You will see how bright people can be. Hence they will always be grateful to let them be. Taking the initiative and offer what he likes to do? Maybe he has a new project in mind or a skill that needs to develop.

Just supporting and give him a block of time to do it is an amazing show of affection. You’ll never wrong applying this rule.

People are different. We have varied past and limiting beliefs. You never know how or what your partner feels until you gain the trust to soak up the information smartly. If you decide to apply these rules daily, you can improve that lack of connection and building a solid basis in your relationship.

The rules are simple: use humor to reduce tension, have the empathy to communicate, allow time in solitude, details make our life better, and a show of support is an essential key to having a meaningful and definitively healthy relationship. Therefore, the dreams of everyone — live your life as bright as you can.

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Godofredo Rojas is a writer, chef, and constant learner from Peru. He studied in Le Cordon Bleu in Lima, Peru. He moved to New York in March 2011. You can find him on Facebook and Twitter.