The 5 Practices That Always Make Me Feel Better

And the science behind why they work

We Americans are an action-oriented people. We value productivity and proactivity, self-improvement and striving, and so we often believe that our happiness is dependent on meeting certain external conditions. When problems arise in our lives, we tend to think that these problems are the source of our pain, and that solving said problems is the only way to return to a healthy equilibrium.

While there are times when it is essential to solve external problems or handle crises, our culture tends to discount all the internal factors that influence wellbeing, things like diet, exercise, environment, thoughts and breath. But the evidence is plain: these are often the most important factors in determining how we feel.

It’s an annoying paradox of life that simple changes are often the hardest to make, and simple solutions are often the most effective. We’ve all been told since we were children that we need to drink water, eat a balanced diet, avoid too much sugar and processed food, exercise regularly and get enough sleep, but who among us genuinely prioritizes these things every day? More importantly, whose career, whose living situation, whose social life and lifestyle are actually set up to support these habits?

For most of us, doing the simple things we need for our wellbeing is an uphill battle against the expectations of the world around us. In some ways, it’s easier to just take another medication, even one with side-effects, or compound the problem with unhealthy coping strategies, than it is to prioritize the simple fixes that are proven to work.

More and more, though, contemporary research in medicine and psychology is proving that these basic practices for balancing the body are what make us feel better. Anti-depressants, mood stabilizers and anxiety medications can all help people tremendously, but often times these medications come with considerable expense and/or harmful side effects. Addressing simple issues of diet, lifestyle and habits can be just as, if not more, effective.

I’ve known for a few years now that there are three essential pillars to my health and happiness. They are: eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and making time every day for my spiritual practice. While I call it “my spiritual practice,” the practices that work best for me aren’t really mystical at all, and you certainly don’t need to identify as “spiritual” to try them. I’ve drawn out that category into three other evidence-based practices for wellbeing that anyone can use: mindful breathing, positive focus, and active trust or faith. I’ll explain more what I mean by that last one in a moment.

It’s not that everything in life goes well when I maintain my pillars, or that things objectively get worse when I don’t. It’s simply that the way I feel on the day-to-day really is dependent on maintaining the integrity of these pillars, not on anything else that may be happening. When stressors come up while my pillars are strong, I can manage them and release the emotions quickly. When any one of my pillars starts to crumble, the others will start crumbling, too, and then even minor stresses start to feel unmanageable.

If you’re struggling to feel happy and well, either seasonally or perennially, it might be worth trying some of these practices. There’s very good evidence to support their effectiveness, and I can attest that they truly always help me.

Practice #1: Eating well.

Groundbreaking research in nutritional psychology is just starting to catch up with ancient wisdom regarding the relationship between food and mood, with unsurprising results: we are what we eat. Or more precisely, we feel what we eat.

For instance, the bacteria in our guts are responsible for producing 95% of the body’s serotonin, and gastrointestinal irritation may well be responsible for a majority of depression and anxiety symptoms. Gut problems can also reduce vitamin D absorption, and as we learn every winter, vitamin D deficiency can increase feelings of depression.

Feeding a healthy gut microbiome is an essential mental health practice. Every body responds differently to different foods, and there will always be some learning curve in figuring out how your own body responds to different foods. Generally though, refined sugar and highly-processed foods are things to avoid, while high-nutrient foods like green vegetables or organ meats, healthy fats, proteins and complex carbohydrates are more beneficial.

Practice #2: Exercising regularly.

You don’t have to go out and run a marathon (I have no intention of ever running a marathon), but if you want to feel better, make sure you’re moving your body regularly.

Exercise is extremely effective for improving mental wellbeing. Studies have shown that exercise can be more effective at treating depression than psychiatric medication. Exercising helps your body produce endorphins and serotonin. It helps to improve your sleep and reduces stress. It reduces risk for numerous diseases and it helps your lymphatic system flush out toxins.

Practicing some form of exercise that works for your body, anything from light yoga to intense martial arts, going for walks to weight-lifting, can be tremendously beneficial for your mental health.

Practice #3: Mindful breathing.

I know, we’re all sick of hearing about mindfulness. To be honest, I hate meditating. I can never focus long enough to get much benefit from it, and I find it boring so I don’t practice it enough to get better at it. What I do practice, and what really does help me, is regularly checking in with my breath throughout the day.

Take right now for example. Turns out, I’ve actually been holding my breath a bit while typing furiously into the ether. I just paused to breathe deeply and slowly a few times, and suddenly I feel much more grounded and peaceful than I did twenty seconds ago. Now I’m wondering, why all the urgency? Is this listicle really worth getting my body bent out of shape over? Jeez, Anna. Chill.

Humans have known that mindful breathing is beneficial for mental and physical health for thousands of years now, and contemporary science is now proving ancient wisdom correct once more. Changing our breathing can deeply impact our bodies and minds. We know, for instance, that even just making your exhales longer than your inhales can stimulate the vagus nerve and help the body to relax, even in stressful situations.

I’ve started setting an alarm on my phone three times a day that reminds me to check in with my breath. All I do is sit there for a few moments and breathe, more slowly and deliberately, with longer exhales than normal. After each round, I find I’m calmer, more focused and less stressed than I would be otherwise.

Practice #4: Deliberate positive thinking.

#PositiveFocus is another one of those things I’m sure we’re all sick of hearing about, but once again, the hype exists around it for a reason. What we think impacts how we feel. For most of us, most of what we think is unconscious. We experience our feelings as reactions to situations, not as reactions to our thoughts about those situations.

For a lot of people, myself included, being told to “think more positively” can feel deeply invalidating, especially when there are very real things happening in our lives that would cause anyone to feel pain. My advice is: don’t try to change your thoughts about those things right now. You’re completely allowed to feel pain about them, and allowing your negative feelings is important, too.

But there are other situations in which it’s more obvious how our thoughts can hijack our moods. When we start catastrophizing or jumping to conclusions, when we start assuming malicious intent, when we only focus on the negatives and ignore all the other positive things that are happening, our thoughts can end up driving us crazy.

When I end up stuck in negative thought spirals, I find it really helpful to sit down with my notebook and write out what’s actually happening and what I’m thinking about it all. It’s important for me just to see the differences between the two.

Then, I try to notice what else is happening too, all the other good things that are just as real as this problem. Every single time I do this, I realize that a significant portion of my pain is caused by my thoughts, not the situation. I can’t always get rid of my negative thoughts, but I can always throw in a few positive ones to help even things out a bit.

Practice #5: Faith.* (*Deity(ies) not required.)

There’s a reason first three of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Steps address the need to give up control and trust in some other force to care for us. The traditional A.A. program mentions the word “God” several times, but you certainly don’t need to be a theist, or an addict for that matter, to find this practice beneficial.

Our aforementioned productivity-and-proactivity-focused culture really likes things like autonomy, self-determination and accomplishment. We know that some degree of independence is an important need, but we tend to miss our equally (or more) important need for safety in dependence.

We humans are born utterly incapable of fending for ourselves. To survive, we must be able to rely on others to care for us. We do need autonomy as we develop, but more primally than that, we need to not have to be autonomous.

As we develop, the need for safe dependence does not disappear. Even as adults, we can never control everything that happens, and trying fruitlessly to do so tends to make us unhappy and afraid. We need to take the load off our own minds sometimes, and trust that things can work out without us knowing how that’s going to happen just yet.

For people who did not grow up with reliable primary caregivers, this practice can be extremely painful. Neglectful or abusive parenting attest to a child that they cannot depend on others to meet their needs, and can create substantial lifelong trauma as a result. If that sounds like you, then you already know how painful it is to not feel like you can safely depend on the world to provide for you. You are not doing anything wrong if you only feel safe while in control. You have your needs, and your needs make sense.

If you can feel safe giving up control, in some places and at some times, then I invite you to practice doing so. Practice trusting that things can work out without you knowing how they’re going to do so yet. At its pith, that’s all faith really is: conviction in the belief that things can work out without us needing to control them.

The reality is that life will always have difficulties. Things will always catch on fire and the sky will forever flirt with falling down. If your mind is constantly trying to put out every fire while holding the sky in place, you are obviously going to end up frustrated and miserable. At some point, you’ve got to let yourself have a little faith.

When you give up trying to control everything, your mind has more space for focusing on what’s directly in front of you: the things that are more genuinely in your control to change. Things like how you’re breathing, how you’re eating, what you’re doing with your body each day and what thoughts you think. With practice, all of these habits get easier, but even a little movement on any one of these fronts can have tremendous positive impacts.

I don’t know if I believe in “manifestation,” but I do know that when I feel better, I act better. I’m kinder and more competent. I’m friendlier, making others friendlier to me. I end up with fewer problems as a result, and I’m better at solving my problems because I don’t have the weight of my own misery to hold me down.

In the end, taking care of these simple things I can control has a funny way of helping fix all the complicated things, too. I can’t know if they’ll fix anything for you, but I do know that often times, the simplest solutions are the ones most worth a try.