The 5 Most Common Mistakes to Avoid in Your First Date

#2. The desperate need to impress.

“Sometimes the love of your life comes after the mistakes of your life.” — Unknown.

The wild world of dating can be a tricky one to navigate. And there are no hard and fast rules about what you should do when you are dating.

Have you ever wondered why I did? The day after you date someone. Two weeks ago, one of my best friends called me from Lima; we had a long conversation. We relived dating experiences from our past. And laughing like crazies.

I remember I met him at the gym when I was 15 years old. He was a chubby teenager who caught my attention because he always trained alongside the most beautiful girls in the gym. I started to notice him; he wasn’t focused on working out; he intended to have a conversation with those girls; he was too obvious.

Now he’s married and with children, a financial advisor, funny and smart guy. To make a long story short, he told me about the facts he used when he was dating a new girl and what he learned about it. And the words that he said make sense to me.

I decided to write about it. I will tell him later his experiences inspired this post.

Let’s see what actions you should avoid if you start dating someone.

1. Don’t Make Clear the Person Is a Date

“Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.”― Bernard Branson

Unfortunately, people don’t walk around with a sticker on their head that says, “I’m looking for something serious with you.”

“You know, my problem was when I used to have a date, no one knew. I wasn't very clear. I believed she assumed we were dating. And she believed I was a friend to have fun without intentions of relationship.” my friend said.

Basically, the girl he was dating was not ready for something serious. He never clarified his intention at the beginning.

Studies show that dating has become harder in the last 10 years. It can be a problem if you don’t clear up initially, maybe not for you but the person in front of you.

What you can learn about it:

Just be straight forward and honest. This goes for everything in life. When you start to date someone, make her/him know your intentions first, don’t waste your time or other’s time. Maybe that person has different interests and is not ready for things you want.

This diminishes the expectations you had. And make things clear for both. Make life clear and easier.

2. The Desperate Need to Impress

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like”― Will Smith

Back in time, this was my common habit before a date. I tried to impress my dates without reason. Starting to act like someone I am not was the wrong way to go. I was focused on impress her more than enjoying the moment.

Buying life experiences to impress others removes happiness boost, and people notice this. Even if she/he is interested in you, you can ruin everything that you start building.

What you can learn about it:

It is amazing to have a transparent person in front of you. Contrary, it is hard and confusing to try to act like the person you aren’t.

In all situations, not just when you are dating someone, show the person in front of you how you really are. It means that person will see a sincere and transparent person in front.

3. The Believe You Are a Superhero

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” — Crissi Jami

We were both agree with this. Once I remember a girl asked, what are the thing you are scared of? I replied I don’t know. I think nothing, such a dumb.

I desperately, trying to show everyone that I wasn’t scared of anything, and the funny part I had feared the whole time. But thinking that it is a weakness that no one should know about it.

I thought, like many people, vulnerability is a weakness, a lack of confidence.

The truth is, I was unaware that people open themselves when you unlock that gate for them; they feel more empathetic. I wish I’d known that in the past, to make meaningful relationships.

What you can learn about it:

Research shows us that being vulnerable makes us more human. Don't believe everyone is looking for a fearless superhero. It doesn't work, and ultimately it’s too hard to hide feelings.

Everyone has fear, and fear is not bad at all. That makes us grow as a person. I don’t pretend to confess all your fears to the person in front of you. But being a transparent person and open the door make people empathize at ease.

4. Getting Drunk on the First Day

“I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won’t let himself get snotty about it.”— Raymond Chandle

Most people had this experience at least once. I told my friend how many times occurred me. I got drunk faster, and it is a terrible impression on the person in front of you. It shows that you cannot handle situations accordingly.

Not a big deal but a bad start.

What you can learn about it:

When you date someone, at least the first time, control yourself to be a good listener, and even if you are an introvert, don’t try to abuse alcohol to be talkative. This was my problem.

Nobody likes a weak person next to them. Moreover, acting weird and having a hard time with the person in front of you is shameful.

Be careful with the alcohol; you believe you look nice, but the truth is the opposite. Don’t regret it later.

5. The Fear of Rejection, Stop Overthinking

“The more I think about it, the more I realize that overthinking isn’t the real problem. The real problem is that we don’t trust.”– L.J. Vanier

Have you ever regret thinking that you lose the chance to kiss a person? Sure, a lot. Waiting for the right moment, and the next day counting the fifty chances you had. Most people overthink instead of acting. If the person in from of you refuses, at least you know and move on. Better than thinking about what would happen if…

Rejection is a looming threat in everyone’s life, and it is hard to recognize we all have, some more than others.

What you can learn about it:

I certainly believe the emotions go with actions. I respect my friend, who did what he wanted when he dated. He got rejected like everyone including myself, and when I asked him, you didn’t feel bad. He said not at all. A lot of those girls said yes.

It sounds selfish and harsh, but that doesn’t make it wrong.

So I will borrow a Nike slogan for this, next time you are dating someone and want a hug or want to say something, be gentle and “just do it.”

A lot of us cling to the myth that we’re either born confident or we’re not, but the harder truth is that anyone can become more confident with practice and the right mindset.

And the truth is practice and repetition make us a master of everything. And this work on both sides, man and woman. I have to admit I admired my friend because he did things I couldn’t do. The courage to do whatever he wanted without the fear of rejection and getting more results than no one.

Avoiding these habits will not make you successful, but I can promise you they will make you gain time and make your life easier.

If you want more stories like this or different topics, let me know here!

Godofredo Rojas is a writer, chef, and constant learner from Peru. He studied in Le Cordon Bleu in Lima, Peru. He moved to New York in March 2011. You can find him on Facebook and Twitter.