AINYF SHORTS
The 5 Most Annoying Things People Say About My Not Drinking
And how I try to politely respond.
1. You were more fun when you were drinking. Who would say something like that? I’ll tell you, someone who is still drinking! Bar friends who know they should probably quit are sometimes bothered by the fact that I did. No, I don’t hang out at the bar for hours and hours anymore. I still enjoy dancing to live music but I’ve found that 2 hours is more than enough fun for one evening. I can’t believe how much time I used to waste at the bar and how much more I accomplish when I don’t lose those hours drinking and hungover.
My response: I am way more fun now, thank you very much!
2. Why don’t you just have one and then stop? I feel like saying sarcastically “Gee, that’s a great idea, I never thought of it!” But I don’t. There is so little education about alcohol addiction that many people think drinking is a matter of willpower. Just decide to have one drink and stick to it. That works for social drinkers. Social drinkers can leave half a glass of wine on the table and think nothing of it. That is not me.
My response: Could you eat one potato chip? Drinks are like potato chips to me.
3. Do you mind if I have an adult beverage? I find the first part of this question considerate and the second part condescending. Sure, when we quit drinking we have to come to terms with the fact that our culture gives alcohol an esteemed position for social occasions, celebrations, and even consolation. Implying that an adult beverage contains alcohol implies that non-alcoholic beverages are for children. False!
My response: You enjoy your adult beverage and I will enjoy mine.
4. No, we don’t have soft drinks, this is a brewery. As a former bartender myself, I appreciate a server who understands that not everybody drinks alcohol. Designated drivers are a sensible choice for a group of friends out for a good time, some people don’t care for the taste of alcohol and some of us choose not to drink for our health and wellbeing. I appreciate an establishment that offers non-alcoholic choices and avoid those that do not.
My response: I wrote a note to the owners of the brewery letting them know it would be a good idea to offer at least one non-alcoholic beverage.
5. You’re not an alcoholic. This one is more amusing than annoying. Bar friends, trying to maintain their denial, are eager to compare intake. “If you’re an alcoholic, then I’m REALLY an alcoholic.” And that’s one of my favorite things about quitting drinking — being a person who is making a healthy lifestyle choice for myself feels great — being a resource, or even a role model for others who might be concerned about their drinking, is a bonus.
My response: Only you can decide if your drinking is a problem.
Final Thoughts: I have felt better and better since I quit drinking three years ago. I look younger, feel stronger and my brain works better. I expect other people will respond to my not drinking in various ways. Being prepared with polite responses has gotten easier as I have become accustomed to hearing comments like the ones I mentioned.
What are the most annoying or perplexing comments you have heard about not drinking?
Karen’s goals for 2021 include finishing her MFA thesis and dressing like a Star Trek alien from a utopian planet. Her Creative Nonfiction and poetry have appeared in Brevity, NPR’s The New Normal, Straw Dog Writer’s Guild Pandemic Poetry and Prose, Multiplicity and Voices of the Valley Anthology.