The Four Strategies of Cooning

Identification and analysis of the ways Black people pander to white supremacy

Introduction

Say for the sake of argument…you are a Black person and you want to pander to white people! Don’t worry, because Johnny’s got you covered! As the analytical fellow you learned to love, I have identified the four main strategies to pander to white supremacy! You too can be considered a top tanooki if you adopt any of these strategies! With my help, you will appear white supremacy-compliant in no time!

Alright, I can’t keep this up. Joke’s over — you know I don’t condone this shit. Anyway…

While I have outlined the five main types of coons — what I call tanookis — I never thought to speak on the strategies they use as their approach. Not until now. I read something from another Black writing colleague which made me think of constructing this think piece.

Importance

“These social media types DO NOT hate being Black by any means, in fact, they love their Blackness. The problem lies in the fact that they love being Black FOR WHITES ONLY.” ~ Johnny S., May 25th, 2020, Source

So, in my assessment, there are four main strategies tanooki Blacks use. Why would this be important? Well, as a military veteran I have grown to observe the strategies of peers, associates, and adversaries. Strategies are technically everywhere. In a debate there is strategy. In stating your case there is strategy. There is a strategy for going to and going home from work. There’s strategy for emergencies. Strategies for bullshitting. Strategies for hustle. Strategies for acquiring money. Strategies to getting laid. Strategies are everywhere.

So, in my 20 years of studying strategies of mostly unconventional warfare, I can’t really cut this off. When I see someone doing something, especially making a case or arguing, I see all the parts of the whole.

Ever seen an Iron Man movie where Robert Downey Jr. pulls apart a mechanical device with his hologram tech, where you can see all the gears and pieces? That’s exactly how my mind works, especially when delineating if someone’s bullshitting or not.

I can pretty much always explain what someone is doing when they are engaging in any communication. Talking, posturing, all of it. So with this painful attention to detail, it’s important to have the ability to define and identify what adversarial folks are doing, in regards to defending or supporting white supremacy. Perhaps you have a friend on the fence, or doing one of these unwittingly. After this read, you will have the language to define and identify the behavior, and maybe they will stop.

So here are the four strategies, or models, of white supremacy compliance in Black people:

The Minstrel Show Model

One of the most effective ways to disarm (and entertain) white people as a Black person is to appear ignorant. For that reason, the minstrel show strategy is probably the oldest strategy to pander to white supremacy.

All you gotta do is look, act, and sound stupid as shit. All you have to do is act like you have no brain. Be a complete and utterly dumb fuck. Look at Herschel Walker. Just look at his face when he speaks. These are the type of Black people white supremacists champion.

This strategy, like most things coonerific things in life, is a performance. You don’t have to literally be stupid (but it does help). You do need to upkeep a highly ignorant, dumbass social presence, however.

If you are a Black man, your stupidity has to have this child-like innocence to it. You know, like Herschel fucking Walker. Relax your eyes and eyebrow bridge when you appear in public. Barely emote on your face. Talk kinda slow, and gentle. Relax your eyelids. Appear kind of sleepy, like how Ben Carson does. Furrow your eyebrows at times, to appear as if a subject baffles you. Appear stumped on conversations that have immense details. Act like you don’t know what “immense” means. Routinely stare off into space, as if your head is empty. Herschel Walker, Jesse Lee Peterson, and Ben Carson are your model minstrel show users.

If you’re a Black woman, you can certainly apply the same tactics assigned to the Black man, but what resonates with white supremacy-compliant whites has a bit more energy to it. You have to invoke the mammy strategy. With this strategy, you are notably louder than your Stephin Fetchit Black male counterpart. You invoke the mammy by being high-energy, with a lot of neck rolling and popping, single-finger waving, eye-rolling, stageplay-level exaggerated facial emotes, and attitude drive on display. Sassy. Diamond and Silk, remember them? They are your model mammy strategy users.

The Black Identity-Attack Model

This strategy is built on attacking Black identity. The easiest form of this strategy, for example, is being a Black woman who hates Black men, or a Black man who hates Black women, both commonly functioning in the Humilitainment industry.

In using this model, one doesn’t necessarily have to physically appear stupid. In fact, this strategy works best when a person is fairly good at discussion and parlance. This strategy works best when a premise of an argument is strong. Most people are not good at dismantling talk, so many will confuse a good premise with a good argument (the arguments are never good arguments).

The purpose is to ride the white supremacy-lead mythological Black pathologies. On that note, this strategy’s targets can be many. It can be “stop sagging pants”, the hoodies, the music, women’s choice of men, or any and all types of cultural artifacts of Black life.

The act of Black erasure as a Black person also is an element of this strategy. Black folks who act like referencing they, family members are Black is an issue? They too, are of this strategy. I recently observed a Black man state that he taught his Black daughter to pull out crayons to argue that she isn’t a Black girl. These are the things I’m talking about; training Black erasure on other Black people.

Half the time, the arguments from this strategy can be framed in a form of concern-trolling, where the performer acts as if they care about Black people while pathologizing Black people at the same time. There can be disingenuity or a real concern. What matters is the execution of the behavior involved. Kevin Samuels — love him or hate him — did ride this strategy whether we like to admit it or not.

The White Supremacy-Defense Model

This strategy requires always providing a smoke screen for white supremacy, no matter what. The strategy requires having no backbone and bending over backwards to defend white supremacist actions, behaviors, policy, and standpoints.

Candace Owens is the most prominent performer doing this currently, by the time of this publishing.

This strategy requires you to practically be a Black white supremacist. Unlike the strategies prior, you cannot appear explicitly stupid like what is found in the Minstrel Show model. You have to superficially appear to be intelligent. You have to be an advocate of white supremacist policies and actions.

When it comes to argumentation and debate, the gish gallop is your friend. Just unload a shotgun round of multiple red herrings at once. While actual debaters will call you out, they are never present on video to do so. The common person will think you’re smart and shit. All because you swiftly spurt out a bunch of nonsense that the person on video doesn’t have time to dismantle one by one.

In being the white supremacy defender, this might be the most lucrative strategy in regards to making money.

Hell, I contemplated this shit myself. As a Black military vet, I already know I would have more pull and influence if I used my skill and background to defend white supremacy. I could very well do this mess better than Candace Owens does. Unflinchingly, I stand where I stand — anti-white supremacy, pro-Black community — knowing that I will never be rich, and possibly be targeted for death if I were to get famous and known.

And I sleep well at night knowing all of this. Fuck white supremacy. Fuck them klancestors. And fuck Candace Owens, or anyone thinking of doing the same shit.

The Driver-Slave Model

This strategy is called the driver slave because during slavery, especially on plantations, this was a modified field slave who was so trusted by the slave owners, they had the whip and sometimes, had the gun. No, it wasn’t the house slave; it was this guy.

And in light of that short history lesson, the Driver Slave Model is executed by those who are in a position of authority of some sort. This is usually police or any form of law enforcement officer, because violence upon Black people is paramount to their strategy. This can also be a boss at work who has the position to punish Black people.

David Clarke, remember him? He’s definitely the premier manifestation of the Driver Slave strategy.

The driver-slave strategy prefers institutional power to physically or at least economically punish Black people. Somewhere down the line, the effects of the driver-slave strategy can be seen and felt. People who seek to perform this strategy typically seek out positions of power, and enjoy executing that power over others.

David Clarke in 2022 is assessed to be obsolete in regards to functionality, but still, he remains the prototypical tanooki that performs this strategy. Look at him; clearly he is a Black person who enjoys appearing as the perfect “Soldier” to quell Black outrage. The best thing a white supremacist can do is employ Blacks against Blacks. Where the White Supremacy-Defense type protects and energizes white supremacy from an ideological standpoint, the Driver-Slave exists in the physical world, to commit physical harm and ultimately wage war against Blackness, Black protest, and white supremacy-defiant Black people.

Overall

The biggest thing I want to leave you with is that these aren’t necessarily people; they are strategies. And in light of that fact, many tanookis can flip the script and use any or all of these strategies. Candace Owens for example is a paragon of white supremacy defense, but she does engage in Black Identity-Attack strategies. This is noted when she demonized George Floyd in the wake of his murder by cop. Jesse Lee Peterson, a Minstrel Show strategy user, engages in White Supremacy-Defense and Black Identity-Attack all the time. You can listen to his show to find out.

On second thought, don't.

Anyway, just know that folks can dabble in all four of these strategies at their pleasure.

In the end, I hope everyone is informed enough to call out this mess when it’s observed.

If you figure I missed any strategies, or you like to add more, throw them down in the comments below; this can be a living document. Why not? What strategies you have seen that hasn't been stated here?

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